Dating Thread 247

[SamW98]

Continued from 246

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well @blacksocks33 I am “supposed” to have one on Sunday with the guy I’ve been messaging since last weekend. So far, seems normal, nice and keen to meet but I have been this far before!! We shall see!

@Bestlife18 ahhh yes! Is this a day date or evening? I have a good feeling for you! This date is going to happen!!🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

@mumofoneanddone82 ahh it can feel very overwhelming can't it. Espcially when everything feels good and promising, it's like an instinct kicks in to retract! Just take one step and one date at a time ❤️ see how you feel after tonight. Things never play out as our kind tells us it will!

@SamW98 so sorry to hear about your friend passing away, hope you're doing ok!
That guy definitely seems to be in La La lane! I can't even get someone to message me back never mind all of that 😂😂😂

@blacksocks33 daytime, so it’s that awkward sort of time. I revealed to him that he works at same place at my brother. Now, if he was a player/cheat/married/etc, you’d think that would have put him off because he wouldn’t necessarily want that getting back to his workplace but it hasn’t so 🙏🏼

Hey gang, how's everyone doing, how's ever everybody holding up?

@librauk Thank you, hope your weekend is nice as well Hopefully there'll be a decent offer soon, and I hope April/May are fruitful in terms of quality dating.

@blacksocks33 I like your criteria. Mr down-to-earth-healthy-happy-guy sounds like a good direction. I realised that, fundamentally, a core component of every good romantic relationship is a good platonic friendship. I reckon that way, it's easier because one looks for that quality of a connection first and foremost.

@friendswiththemonstera how did your date go with Mr Oz? @cassiatwenty anyone on the horizon? Or are you off the apps for a while?
Man-free weekend for me! Hopefully Mr B can come over on Wednesday - he says something life changing has happened that he can't discuss yet.

Meanwhile convo with Mr Crash is continuing, not as interesting or thoughful as earlier but have plans to meet on Friday. We'll see if we can keep it going until then.

@mumofoneanddone82 & @Bestlife18 really hope your dates go well this weekend and anyone else who has one lined up!

I'm feeling a bit fed up with it all to be honest. I was chatting to several earlier in the week but in a half hearted kind of way. Had a couple I preferred but they weren't being consistent in the same way. So had a big cull in my match in box and blocked and deleted most of them. And since then no one has popped up that I'm remotely drawn to. Definitely thinking of taking a complete break once my subscription ends for this month.

@SamW98 so sorry about your friend. It brings it all into perspective when we lose someone of a similar age. Feeling your pain yet again re pasty short overweight 50 something men expecting the world 🙄

I’m back to giving up on dating. My heart just isn’t in it anymore. I’ve tried going for guys not normally my type, older, younger, same age and it’s just the same situation over and over.
it makes you start to feel that you are the problem and in some ways, I probably am. I am not attracting the right ones.
so back to living my single life and trying to make plans to enjoy this year as much as I can. Hopefully the saying of you’ll meet them when you stop looking may prove true!

I feel like this most days and don’t make much effort on Hinge. Then I have a burst of motivation and message guys/respond to matches, but you’re right… it’s all the same nonsense, whether or not my heart is in it.

I am really enjoying being single though… perhaps we’re giving off a vibe that we don’t actually want the men we’re dating?!

@Bobtree I have been on this thread for about 5 years under different names. I was a bit like you and decided to take a full on break about 18months after a short lived romance where said man went back to his wife (she had left him for another married man but her married AP then didnt leave his wife so she came back, all very eastenders!) I wasn't even that attracted but he was so lovely and kind that I thought id found a really good one. After that I thought I'm just going to focus on friends and family as I knew they would never let me down like these men (they were all nice but had so many issues). It was brilliant focussing on this and I felt great rather than putting my happiness in the hands of strangers.

Bizarrely an ex came back on the scene recently and we have rekindled things and whilst I like him hugely, I think the break made me reevaluate myself more. I guess I know being alone isn't a big deal really now and sometimes a good break does wonders.

I totally get the feeling of needing a break.
I've been single a LONG time. I've had a few situationships, but nothing serious. I go through phases of, like others, really going for it and then cooling down.
I feel like Mr shy was a massive kick in the stumach for me. I'm trying hard to not recluse now because I know I really want to find someone. But it's hard. I look at all my couples friends and just think... what am I doing wrong 🙈
OLD is painful though. The same conversations over and over. I was never an early eater but I get why people suggest it early now.... because the messaging is just painful!
I am messaging someone atm. I only matched a couple days ago and not a lot of messages but he seems like good chat. I was almost on the verge of asking if he was free on Sunday (big move from me, Mrs shy 😂😂😂) but he's just shared his weekend plans so maybe not!

@SamW98 really sorry for your loss 💐

My weekend plans are unclassified! Is it a date?! It feels like one 😂

I have matched, chatted, FaceTimed other men. Deleted the apps, downloaded them again. The cycle continues 🤣

BUT I am still spending time (and have been since January) with Mr Music and we are out tomorrow for food and an event. Tomorrow is my cut off point as we are either dating or stopping all contact. I really like him but can’t get into the FWB/situationship we had last year and this time whilst feels different in how he is showing up (really nice and consistent btw!), it also resembles how we were last year. I am prepared to walk away as I know I am looking for a committed relationship.

@blacksocks33 great that you are messaging someone who seems nice so far. Fingers crossed! Next one I come across I feel drawn to I'm definitely just going to ask them sooner rather than later if they are up for meeting.

@LittleFloatingGhost it's great that you know what you want and are prepared to walk if he can't offer you that. Hopefully he will but if not great that you have boundaries and can keep what you need and want at the centre of it all.

@SamW98 I’m sorry I hope you’re ok. Your description of the 50’s dating made me laugh. It’s not much better in the 40’s section!
I have had a few chats going on Mr younger last weekend it all seemed good conversation wise. We spoke about meeting but tbh the conversation has bored me a bit this week. So I haven’t replied to an open ended message he sent.
Mr Far seems my type but another slow replier which I don’t mind but it’s hard to get a connection know if your compatible etc
I have a couple of others but so slow to reply so I’m staying home and working instead no dating!
Since jan I’ve met 4 people. 2 I’ve seen a few times so maybe I need a break or the world is telling me that!

Thanks everyone. I’m off for a walk this afternoon with one of my single friends so I’m hoping we can make some plans for some adventures this year and like you have all said, focus on myself.
i haven’t been single in 17 years so it will always take some adjustment. I am happy being on my own, but it would be nice to have someone to share things with!
sadly the only male I do gossip with is my PT and I’m old enough to be his mum 😂😂.

Is Mr Music relatively local to you?

I also have a plan that once/if things resume with my iron because he is so not FWB material for me to be able to feel that the connection is nourishing rather than destructive I would need to see more intention to commitment and deepening the connection or I will need to put a stop to it all.

It been over a week since we last talked and even though I knew there would be no contact for 3 weeks and it’s probably for the better if I am not involved and not aware of the potential drama he is going through and not being pulled into his personal whirlpool I still struggle a tiny bit with total silence.
Wish he sent something like “thinking of you” message…but then understand that he might think that saying something like that isn’t actually kind if he might not come back at all!

Yes, he is local and messages throughout the week. It’s tricky as both got kids and it’s half term. Last saw him on the 16th, then it was my son’s birthday and now half term! We have been on contact regularly throughout :)

@RadiantRainbow Seems sensible. It’s so bloody hard though! Although you’re best to avoid the drama!

@Mckittens thank you, trying to not plan tomorrow too much as half expecting the “ooh some random excuse for cancelling” to come. But if not, I am hopeful 😬

@LittleFloatingGhost what's the deal with Mr Music, I feel like he's been around ages

@Realdeal1 Yes, he has.

We met eight months after I split with my ex - June last year. this was OLD and we matched looking for something casual and fun - I didn’t have emotional capacity for anything else. We spent a lot of dates going out for coffee, dinner, him cooking for me. He would hold my hand etc. However, his communication wasn’t what I needed, I felt like he would go a week without messaging me. Although this was the nature of casual and I was not used to it. BUT I got to the point where casual fun was not enough and I became emotionally available. He didn’t want more, we stopped seeing each other in September last year. I deleted his number etc. Met someone else end of September online too and saw him until end of Dec/beginning of Jan - He had ED.

Before Christmas Mr Music messaged and we met for lunch. First time since we fell out, he knew I was seeing someone and we were both respectful of this - sort of talked about our falling out and how it would be good to be friends.

We then met in Jan for something, I went to his and we hung out. It was flirty but nothing happened. He did refer to “we” could do something, which I responded to with “we?” And he was like, “yes, we should do that together.”

He then invited me to a gig, it was great, we had dinner too. There was definitely something there between us.

We went to the cinema a few weeks after, followed by drinks where I told him I am finding it hard to be his friend. He said that there was definitely chemistry between us. Went to his and he brought me home the next day.

Up until a few weeks ago I kept deleting his number so I didn’t message him, but he has been consistent in his contact. This is different to before.

It feels to me like we have reset and potentially on the same page with what we want but it’s not explicit. Given where we have been before I am cautious, but can’t invest until I know where he stands.

When I like someone, and to be honest, I am just drawn to him and he gives me butterflies, I read between the lines - which I shouldn’t!

So that’s the deal. I have no idea what’s going on.

@LittleFloatingGhost oh this sounds like a potentially exciting interesting prospect but that gives it potential for heartbreak too! 😬

How long did it take you to feel like you were happy to get invested into someone else when you parted ways with Mr Music first time round, did you wait at all before going back on the apps?

If the other guy didn’t turn out to have ED, do you think he would have been just as good a partner for you as Mr Music? Or was Mr Music stealthily at the back of your mind throughout?