Found out friends husband cheating should I tell her?

[Sarahnmills]

Help

I don't know what to do for the best.
I found out my close friend’s husband has been having an affair through another friend that doesn’t know her as well. She has seen screen shots of messages. My close friend and cheating husband have three young children together and are child hood sweethearts. I don’t want to tear their family apart. There is also a possibility she already knows. I had a cryptic message implying things haven’t been great between her and her husband but things are improving.
She has a right to know but I don’t want to be the one to ruin her life. She is currently on a luxury family holiday.

YOU won't be tearing the family apart, you haven't done the cheating..

She deserves to know, and you aren't sure if she does, so I would say, "You may already know, I get it if you don't want to dosucss this with me and I won't raise it further but I want to let you know that (details), I'm so sorry".

Only tell if you actually have the proof to show her. It potentially will turn into him making you the bad guy if you can't prove what you're saying. Also be prepared the friendship may be damaged because it's easier to blame you than her husband.

Yes, a million times tell her.
Wsit until she's back so you can be there to support her.

You don't need evidence, why on earth would you make it up?!

It's awful not knowing, I wish someone had told me.

That’s the thing I don’t have the proof. Only from what my friend has told me. She said that they have been together for a few months, met in a nightclub in nov. Have slept together and he has bought her lavish gifts. But I don’t know who the girls is our have any proof to show her.

Why does the other friend have screenshots of messages?

Yes. You should tell her what you’ve heard. Then be guided by how she wants to handle it.

I would have been so grateful to be told by a friend, rather than by anonymous text, which was awful, and leaves me wondering to this day who knew

No. I would never interfere in someone else's marriage - it would be none of my business.

Where are the screenshots now? I wouldn't say anything at all until they were in my possession because it sounds like Chinese whispers at this point.

I wouldn’t say anything whilst they are away. Once back if I had solid proof and she was a good friend then I would tell her.

My friend works with a girl who is friends with the girl he has been cheating with. She showed my friend the screen shots her friend sent to her. The girl that he was cheating with didn’t know he had a wife and kids. Does that make sense 🤣

I'd tell her when she gets back.
'Look I unmed and awed over the right thing to do as I don't have anything concrete but I thought you still deserve to know what I've heard' then show her the messages and give her the number of the girl who was telling you everything. 'I'll leave it between you and her but i hope you know I'm here for you whatever happens'.

It depends if she realises or could find out that you knew and didn't say anything.
I'm afraid that whatever you do it will be wrong - if it comes out that you knew ( or even suspected) and didn't tell her, you will blamed. If you do tell, it will almost certainly be a case of shot the messenger.
I think in your shoes I would take the view that this is idle unsubstantiated gossip, and shut down any further conversation from your other friend about it.
If you are later confronted you can say you'd heard there were rumours but that was all.
If you are considering telling her, don't do it while she is away from home stuck on cruise ship with him with no way of escape!

So it's 4th hand knowledge with absolutely no proof - aka gossip.

I'd require a copy of the screenshots with the phone number clearly showing before throwing a hand grenade into someone's family on the basis of "my friend works with someone who knows someone who might be shagging your husband"

So basically it’s just a rumour?! No I definitely wouldn’t get involved, especially while they are on holiday.

The friend that saw the evidence is my best friend. My children’s godmother. I don’t doubt that what she’s seen is not true. I also know the girl that told her/ shown her proof and I don’t doubt her credibility either. I obviously would not even consider telling her on holiday

Absolutely not. It is none of your business.

B

I hate the "none of my business" people.
It's through inaction that bad things are allowed to happen. She's being harmed. If the harm was physical, eg being beaten up, would you turn your back then? Why does it not matter when the harm is not physical?
Anyway, obviously OP you need to be pretty certain, but once you are, of course you should.

I'd tell her. From what it sounds like no one here is trying to be vindictive.

Is there any chance these screenshots could be shared with you?

It may just be the missing part of a shit puzzle for your friend.

Of course it’s your business, you’re her friend. People are so weird

I'd be telling her because her health might be compromised, i.e. STIs.

Tell your friend what you know - it's very much friend of a friend of a friend so I wouldn't tell her that you definitely know he's having an affair, just that this is what you've been told.

Is there a way of telling her something is up in an innocent bemused sort of way. E.g. oh my friend saw your DH in town on (specific date) with a young lady, was he away with work/visiting family etc. try to choose an example where he might be somewhere he wasn't supposed to be.

If my BF knew and didn't tell me it would be an even bigger betrayal. I absolutely would tell her.

HE is the one tearing a family apart

If you don't tell her, you're a shitty friend

She deserves to know