Found out friends husband cheating should I tell her?

[Sarahnmills]

Help

I don't know what to do for the best.
I found out my close friend’s husband has been having an affair through another friend that doesn’t know her as well. She has seen screen shots of messages. My close friend and cheating husband have three young children together and are child hood sweethearts. I don’t want to tear their family apart. There is also a possibility she already knows. I had a cryptic message implying things haven’t been great between her and her husband but things are improving.
She has a right to know but I don’t want to be the one to ruin her life. She is currently on a luxury family holiday.

If you do tell her OP, present it as you heard a rumour and it might not be true, which is the truth. If you go in all guns blazing it could backfire. Maybe she already knows and chooses to ignore or doesn't care. She may not want to admit this so don't say anything judgemental about her DH. Women who chose to stay with unfaithful men are often judged very harshly by other women, she may resent you and believe you are judging her. Its a horrible position to be in.

@Sarahnmills I had the same dilemma a couple of years ago. My husband's best friend worked at the same place as my best friend's cheating husband (and the other woman). My husband's friend blurted out what was happening in front of me when he was round at our house, knowing full well I was friends with cheating scum's wife. I told her, it turned out she already knew, and was mortified that everyone else knew too. It was a horrible thing.

My instinct is to tell her but be prepared that it may backfire on you....
I discovered that my ex good friends husband was seeking men for casual sex on Twitter. I screen shotted the evidence and showed her. She was horrified but a few days later told me that she didn't want to speak to me again and that she and her husband were going to 'work through it'.

I when I think back on it all now, I wouldn't change what I did - I couldn't live with knowing what he was up to but saying nothing.

Someone, who my then longstanding boyfriend was having a fling with, phoned me to tell me he and she had been seeing each other for 18 months. She didn't know I existed. As devastating as it was I was grateful to her. It then later emerged he had been seeing someone else from his work as well. I told his work fling, but whatever lies he then told her she stayed with him they are now married with 2 children !

Please tell her OP. There's nothing worse than finding out later that everyone knew about your cheating spouse except you, it adds to the humiliation and lack of trust.

I would 100% want to know and would 100% expect my friend to tell me. If I found out later that you knew and didn't say then the friendship would be over. Tell her gently, but tell her.

I think you should tell her but dont expect any thanks. She will probably not want to be friends either as you will be a reminder of what happened.
Its not your fault but I think you will lose that friendship if you tell her BUT I think you should

There are some really shit friends on here!

Definitely. I'd say the biggest regrets in life are things you don't tell people to 'spare' their feelings but the things are happening anyway

I'm of the mind that if a friend cut me off for telling them something like this that they probably didn't value me or my friendship much anyway, and that's not a friendship with having.

At least you can live with yourself, you did the right thing imo.

I wouldn’t get involved. It could be hearsay and if you get it all wrong your friend will never forgive you.

This is what I would do, for a close friend. This isn't just some acquaintance. I'd approach it v carefully and make it clear that you're not saying it's true, but that there is a rumour of it.