^^This in a nutshell.
His happiness is NOT your responsibility.
Do not try to sympathise or appease him op. Parenthood is a huge responsibility which he presumably embarked on willingly. His dc need him and he’s failing them and you. And he’s blaming you too which is outrageous behaviour.
Urgh. He sounds so immature and selfish. You are in the trenches of parenting at the moment and yes it’s a massive challenge, hard, demanding and relentless. There is very little time in the day for yourselves at this point. But that will come later. The last thing you need is a third child!
Sounds like he hasn’t matured and grasped the most basic concepts of what is required to be a good husband and father which is basically that it is not all about me, me, me.
And once he can stop thinking about himself and steps up and starts helping others, he may find that his satisfaction with life improves funnily enough!
A serious talk is required here where you very firmly lay out the terms and conditions. That this is about his children’s happiness and not his own. Tell him he needs to step up or step out and make no apologies whatsoever for putting it in those blunt terms op. Be strong. Do not plead, beg or try to appease.
And tell him strongly that what he calls dissatisfaction with his life is actually guilt because somewhere deep in his thick skull he knows he is doing a crap job and failing at every level. How DARE he blame you op? 🤬. Honestly, if I didn’t live in another country half the time, and I wasn’t suffering with a bad back, I’d come around and give him a firm talking to on your behalf op! This makes me so angry!
Btw, out of interest, how was he raised? What is his father like? And would your father step in to have a word once you have said your piece?
I have a modicum of sympathy if he is genuinely depressed. ADs should help. But if he is working long hours and exercising on top that it doesn’t leave much time for parenting. Something has to give from your previous lifestyle when you have children, it just does, you can’t carry on the same as if nothing has changed!