My husband shaved

[thirtythirty]

My DH went on a work trip to somewhere quite hot. It got to around 25C so not unmanageable. I noticed on his return he had shaved down under. This is very unusual for him. When I asked him about it he said he did it because he was so hot and he gets sweaty. It didn't really sit well with me but I've never mentioned it again. He doesn't shave normally here in the summer. Am I thinking too much into this? Also when chatting about this trip on one occasion he became very flushed, red faced and very hot which has never happened before. I felt alarmed by this but have said nothing.

Op an alarm bell is ringing for you by the sounds of it. I would follow your gut. Either talk to him or go into investigation mode! If you have been together a long time and he has never done this it is odd. Combined with the work trip I would think he has cheated tbh.

Mad seeing all these comments I thought it would only be a very small percentage that don't shave the pubic area. It's much cleaner and looks much better. I am in my 40s and don't know anybody that doesn't. If I met a woman that didn't I would be off

Really, you don't know anybody that doesn't shave? Okay

May l start by saying I am a 40 something hair free woman who has been continuously “all off” since my late teens. Over the years my relationship status has not come into it; l don’t remove hair because of any relationship. Although some have expressed surprise the first time they saw it.

Can l also dismiss the “he might be gay” theory? OK he might be, but it does not equate with this. I have shaved a few men in my time, seen even more “bald” ones and known men who go for a regular wax. I also know men who remove underarm hair and they have not been gay.

As to whether there is anything that suggests he had something going on elsewhere, l don’t see anyone can be certain. Suddenly going for hair removal before going away seems odd, but to counter this, why do something so obvious that OP is going to notice on return?

l would be concerned but want to see something more concrete.

He's called you paranoid to mark it as a 'you' problem. The fact he has form for this would also make me suspicious. Once a cheat, always a cheat. You either are someone who can stay faithful or you aren't. A cheat can only get better to the point of not actively looking to cheat, but if an opportunity presents itself, they can't say no.

His response read to me as shut up and put up. .

He’s tired, as he doesn’t want to keep up the pretence, so doesn’t want you to question him.

Sounds extremely suspicious.

He's shutting the conversation down.

Why?

An innocent person would be shocked and concerned at your suspicions. They would be keen to reassure you.

His reaction is text book guilty.

Men shaving pubes, not sure that’s anything that proves cheating, can’t believe that some people go instantly to that. Many cyclists and runners do it!

BUT his reaction and the circumstances behind this particular tidy up… yep I’d be suspicious.

I’m so sorry because even if he is innocent, he’s not reacting like a respectful, loving and empathic partner!

I think the shaving is relevant because

1. He has never done this before

2. He did it on a weekend away with a female colleague

If it's sudden change in behaviour then yes, concerning.

My stbxh suddenly started shaving and got very angry when I commented that I had noticed. Turns out he was fucking a 24 year old Irish girl in another city. He felt if necessary to tell me her nationality. Not sure why.

Anyway, op, sudden concern about appearance like this is very telling.

I would not bother asking him about it.

Aside from all this discovery, you happy in your marriage?

“Suddenly going for hair removal before going away seems odd, but to counter this, why do something so obvious that OP is going to notice on return?”
The trip was planned for 10 days, but got cut short after 3 days. Maybe he thought that it would grow back enough that wifey wouldn’t notice, especially if he avoided being naked around her for a few days after his return.

It’s all dodgy as hell. Just the shaving on its own might not be so alarming, sometimes people try something new for no reason. But add to the fact that he’s cheated before, he bought all new clothes and underwear for a work trip, he got flustered talking about the trip, he got very defensive and annoyed when you tried to talk to him about it - all combined is a big red flag. Also think you mentioned that he is very private with his phone and laptop, another warning sign.

I 100% would try to look in his phone for messages or photos. I know that’s unpopular on Mumsnet but it’s what I would need to do.

Have you looked through his phone?

Good idea

She has and he reacted weirdly.

How can he be tired of it, have you been accusing him of cheating often? If this was my partner I'd be understanding that me going away abroad with a male colleague and then coming back with shaved pubes when I never usually do would raise red flags. I'd be looking to reassure my partner including showing my phone etc and talking about the trip rather than shutting the convo down straight away.

I'm so sorry OP. He is gaslighting you because he knows he is guilty. Don't let him make you think it's all in your head. It's his problem not yours.

I'm glad I'm working all day today I definitely need the space. I've just sent him a list of all the things my paranoid head is thinking, I don't think he will be bothered though

When it gets warmer I like a proper trim in the gentleman’s excuse me as it does get very sweaty and uncomfortable in warmer months. I also use a liquid talc after that keeps everything from chafing which is very useful.

Ancient proverb:

Man who tidies house, expects visitor.

I had heard this too

Yup.

Also ancient proverb

Man who catch crabs, tidies net

Another ancient proverbs

Man who feels guilt turns on gaslight