Giving up on men

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

I think I'm giving up on relationships/dating. After seeing someone recently who just turned out to be just like all the rest of them I've figured a lot of men, especially now, really aren't worth it. Especially when you get to my age which is early 50s. Or you're forced to look at men who are late 50s/60s, no thanks.

Yep, I'm with you. They're either lazy, controlling, or utter perves. Many don't bring very much to the table.

Yep. Just finished a long term relationship. I'm not bothering again. I can't be arsed. I'm mid 40s and the thought of parading myself around again trying to catch the attention of some 50yo bloke (who will be single for a REASON) sounds so bloody unappealing.
I'd rather read my book and eat my crisps alone in blessed peace.

There is no way I can be bothered with men any more. I want to do what I want, not what someone else wants.

This one told me after dating for about 6 weeks that 'his instincts were right about me, about me being too long on the market and on the shelf, not having kids and not having a proper job'.

I hadn't slept with him yet so maybe that's the reason but did he really need to say all that?!

He was constantly sending me voice notes and asking for selfies and trying to make sexual innuendo texts too. Ewww...

I do actually have another date lined up for Saturday, and another two men who are desperate to date me (one is away on business a lot) so I don't know what he's talking about. I'm just wondering if I can be arsed.

This one is 50 next year - I can definitely see why he's single for a reason. He recently told me, 'oh my ex wife had an affair with someone from her school days, contacted him on FB' - I made all the right sympathetic noises but in the back of my mind thought (as I always do) "I wonder what her take on this would be, are you really so squeaky clean yourself?!"

I’m early 50s, just started using OLD. Crumbs. I’ve met one person, who has decided I’m the love of his life and is basically pushing me to commit - after one date. We got on really well online before we met, but since then there’s been a lot of ‘come on, see me again, it’s just a 2nd date!’ as well as ‘the universe has brought us together, it’s a mutual loving relationship, and I can’t wait to take this to the next level’. But when I say this is a bit fast for me, he says ‘you’re over thinking it! It’s just a date! But also I won’t be able to take being rejected.’
So I’m already thinking: are all the single 50-something men (and this one has 3 marriages behind him) trouble? My ex (53) is now with someone and I feel intensely sorry for whoever it is. He is a covert narc & will have no doubt told her that I’m the proverbial crazy ex and he’s the sensitive soul who suffered at my hands - which is all a load of complete cobblers. She has walked into the lion’s den but he’s purring and hiding his fangs right now. Just writing that down, I am thinking how OLD man told me about his crazy ex and how he’s the sensitive soul who suffered at her hands…
But they can’t be lying. Can they?

Oh they ALLLLLLL have a "crazy/cheating/pyscho/insert adjective of choice" ex
It's never their own fault! And afterwards I'm always sitting there thinking 🤷‍♀️ Again, it's actually them. Not the ex. Every time.

I can't believe he said his "instincts were right" How bloody rude. Assume he only felt that way after you didn't jump straight into bed with him though. Honestly, they're so awful! I might join a nunnery.

Oh my God DUMP! It's only early days and he's already coming across as controlling, intense and needy.

The thing which pissed me off... you're happy to date me for the past 6 weeks, not saying anything, living and caring for your parents (after his divorce) but his instincts were right (yes this is bloody rude!) and he didn't tell me... well my instincts about him having zero sense of humour, overweight, failed businessman with one venture, he has to give up his plumber job soon as he's damaged his knee (oh dear), he still as of 4 years ago did recreational drugs, I mean I had my instincts there but I didn't say anything. In fact I was thinking of ending it soon but I've been ill and in hospital (was in today for MRI scan) so have had other things on my mind.

This weekend he was angling to see me and stay over. I haven't been well recently and had an op where I couldn't have sex for 2 weeks after it and this week is the second week, I told him this yet he was still pushing for that, sex. I think he thought I was lying about the sex. And he kept on going on about 'oh you've got a nice house, car etc, oh and did you say you'd paid off the mortgage?' - err yes I did but... what am I? Nurse with a purse or something?

It was interesting about how he kept on banging on about his ex and how she'd cheated and he couldn't believe it, saw messages on her phone - he was on fairly good terms with his ex but... his youngest DD lives with her doing A levels.

Same, just DUMP or LTB as MN says, already.

This one told me after dating for about 6 weeks that 'his instincts were right about me, about me being too long on the market and on the shelf, not having kids and not having a proper job

He sounds awful. What a mean spirited person! And why on earth would not having kids be a negative reflection on you? If anything I’d assume someone had been careful not to bring a child into the world as either they didn’t want them or they didn’t have the right circumstances. Either is a good thing though.

I hear you OP. I did OLD for a few months last year and they were either talking about living together after 2 dates or sex obsessed pervs. No middle ground.

Im 55. And before anyone says it’s OLD I had same with men I met out and about. Either love bombing after 3 texts or like the charmer who started wanking during a phone call 🤢

Its pretty grim out there

‘This weekend he was angling to see me and stay over. I haven't been well recently and had an op where I couldn't have sex for 2 weeks after it and this week is the second week, I told him this yet he was still pushing for that, sex. I think he thought I was lying about the sex. And he kept on going on about 'oh you've got a nice house, car etc, oh and did you say you'd paid off the mortgage?' - err yes I did but... what am I? Nurse with a purse or something?’

This does sound awful, selfish and exploitative. I’m sure OLD is littered with narcs and needy types looking for women to be their mother/maids/sex partners. And the fact he was so incredibly rude is also a big 🚩. I hope one of the other dates proves better. There has to be someone real and genuine out there, surely?

OLD is the dregs, especially with older men.

Im 55. And before anyone says it’s OLD I had same with men I met out and about. Either love bombing after 3 texts or like the charmer who started wanking during a phone call 🤢

Yes, people like to pin things on OLD, but I never used OLD for most of my adult life and I was still running into creeps. Obviously on OLD it can seem a bit worse because people are bolder online, but the same men would eventually reveal themselves to be like this even if you met them in IRL. I think we’re dealing with a societal /people problem not purely an OLD issue.

I agree. There’s always people on these threads so say come off the apps and meet people in real life - like no one had ever thought of that before! But it doesn’t seem to matter how you meet, they reveal themselves. Maybe with OLD they feel braver perving from their keyboard so the sex talk starts almost immediately.

I do think there’s a lot of men who have gone out of long marriages, where sex dropped off a cliff and they literally don’t have a clue how to communicate with women.

If I had a £ for every opening message that’s along the lines of ‘hey sexy MILF’ or ‘cracking pair love’ (both genuine introductory messages I’ve had)

Even the ones who don’t turn sleazy can’t string 3 words together. Lol is not a way to continue the chat 🤦‍♀️

The one I was seeing recently kept on with bad jokes and sex talk… or trying to steer it that way. At least the man I saw for a year last year and most other men, don’t or didn’t do that. And I respect them a hell of a lot more for that.

They’re definitely braver online. In real life they’d get verbal abuse or knocked back.

Gave up men years ago unless im on holiday thats different.

I gave up on men somewhere round 10 years ago. I'm early 50's now.
I married twice, 1st one was financially abusive and had an affair, 2nd one was emotionally abusive. Then the 3 men I went with after that turned out to be abusive in one way or another (not physical, thank god).
So I decided that if I can't choose a nice man, I wouldn't bother.
I wish that mumsnet had been around in the late 80's, I don't think I'd have had half as many issues in my life.

I’m so pleased I posted here…

So far this month I’ve been in hospital for an operation in a delicate place, not sure if it was needed and overnight stay unplanned plus MRI scan today. My temporary contract at work ends at the end of next week with no other work. I’m renting my spare room out as of asap, interviewing people now just so I can afford bills. And then this twat puts the boot in. I wasn’t even that bothered about him (maybe I should’ve been?) but life gets in the way, you know?

Having a nice Tanqueray Sevilla gin and tonic and lemon cheesecake (Gu) this evening and watching MAFS Aus. 😋

I'm 45 (no kids and never married) and gave up on men in 2018 after being in pointless relationships since I was 18. I am happier now than I have ever been. Absolutely do not miss the sex, do what I want when I want, travel the world, totally chilled and relaxed......the thought of being in a relationship again gives me nightmares. I wake up relieved that it's just me and the cats

@Gettingbysomehow You were absolutely right to NOT be bothered by him! He sounds like a twonk. I'm guessing his first impression was actually that you were too good for him and he's hitting out in defence.
Your evening sounds fabulous, hope you enjoy it!

Way to tar all single 40 something males with the same brush guys! There are still perfectly normal people that exist out there, that have their own homes, good careers, and (relatively) stable mentally lol

Just got a message from a friend of mine who’s same age as me and on her first date with a man. They’re sitting at a bench seat in a pub and she noticed his legs seem close to hers, touching. After a few moves away she asked him what he was up to. His response “a bit of physical contact is ok isn’t it?” How bloody presumptious is that? She said he suggested sitting next to her and she didn’t really want to be let him. She says she feels icky after this and came to the toilet to text me. She says she’s going to make her excuses and leave soon.

@Alan81 if you’re a token male coming here to stick up for your fellow menz then bore off this thread mate and start your own. That’s if you can work out how to do that. I and the other women here don’t need menz coming on to say how great they are, thanks.

You sound similar to me but with one cat. I do like male company but then I forget it’s mostly idiots out there these days.