Giving up on men

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

I think I'm giving up on relationships/dating. After seeing someone recently who just turned out to be just like all the rest of them I've figured a lot of men, especially now, really aren't worth it. Especially when you get to my age which is early 50s. Or you're forced to look at men who are late 50s/60s, no thanks.

😁😁😁

I'm 47 and separated from my exH last year. I'd never consider another relationship with a male.

I could be tempted by a woman but it would have to happen organically, I won't use OLD.

I love being single, I've never had a problem living alone and enjoy my own company.

Let’s face it, 90% of the best men are already taken.

9% of the decent ones who come back into the dating world are then snapped up by the first woman they date, leaving the rest scrambling around trying to a find Nemo in a sea full of sharks.

The nicest most respectful messages I got are from men in their 20s and 30s who don’t see woman on OLD as ‘desperate for anything’ because meeting people online is the norm for people of their age.

I agree, I’m late late 30s and thankfully I seem to attract men between 33 and 45. Both IRL and online. They often comment on how young I look as well which probably helps me get a younger dating pool.

No doubt the ones older than 45 see me as too old. I do have decent male friends and relatives who are still single in their 40s and a lot of the very worst men I’ve encountered were “snapped up” in their 20s , so I think we must also remember a lot of the bad ones are gone too 🤣

I’d just send him a thumbs up emoji and ignore him. He may be negging you.

No, I don’t think this is the reason at all. When I was single I wouldn’t consider a married man. Why would I want such a poor calibre low value man who is willing to be that awful and disrespectful to his wife? Surely I’m signing myself up to more of the same?

Why would a cheating married man be better than a single man who is unsuitable for other reasons ? It’s not, it’s even worse because you’ve got a third person (wife) in the dynamic and it’s way messier and you could be part of blowing someone’s married/family up. A low quality single man is the lesser of two evils if you compare them to a low quality married man. So the logic behind pursuing a married man because all the single men are crap doesn’t make sense - the married man willing to cheat is automatically crap too!

one of the main problems on OLD is actually how many married or partnered men are on it. They are literally part of the piss in the dating pool. Most don’t disclose it or they claim they are “married but separated and still living together”.

And I must add a LOT of OW are not single women anyway. They are married or in relationships themselves, so it’s not just about single women who can’t find a man going after married men when it comes to cheating

I think the issue is you progressed with this man even after he was a wanker from the start. I would not give up just yet, change your tactics. Be more ruthless.

Take a break now and recover. Do the two dates with the guys you’ve been chatting to already. Then reassess again.

Men are for sex and the occasional date. In my life anyway.

I am afflicted with a sexual attraction to men so I make sure I get some good dick regularly.

I don’t keep men in the house and the most important relationships in my life are with family and female friends.

There is one very nice man I like. Met him on a dating site that’s only active on Thursdays but he didn’t do internet dating which I believe. For various reasons we’ve not met up but we have chat and banter which in one sense I value because at least I get a sense of him and him me. And now his work (I’ve got photos!) have sent him to Africa a lot for work but we are meeting when he returns. The other man seems nice but has cerebral palsy but he seems chilled which is what I like.

This man, I should’ve guessed, he was blocked from the site after a woman reported him but I thought well these things happen. I do think he wanted things on his terms, instant chemistry (didn’t get that from me) but was happy to date and play the long game but with a bit of negging and bad jokes/banter. I won’t be doing that again.

Most men are shit in my experience, but I think it's British men on the whole. I've met some foreign guys who have been amazing though.

@honeybones that sounds peaceful. I love watching things and pottering around.

I feel a bit lucky as I have an emotional outlet, I think someone is really lovely and we chatter every couple of days which makes me smile. He's never pervy. We're quite interested in our differences as we're chalk and cheese and I'd be pleased for him if he met someone, so it's just nice.

Do you have any recommendations for specific countries the better men tend to be from? 👀

I completely understand OP. I gave up on women 12 years ago.
However they keep turning up IRL and looking for dates/relationships.
They come across as very needy and some can be overtly sexual. When told that I'm not looking for anything they still believe that I'm available.
There's one woman who I bump into (who thinks I'm an actor from Game of Thrones, I wouldn't know, never watched it) that always stops and insists on chatting even when it's obvious I don't want to stop and chat. Even when I've been off-handed it still doesn't dissuade her.

Can you provide any proof of that?

Instincts were right = investment on return not working out for him. Sounds like you dodged a bullet OP.

If you have his address, go on the IKEA site and order him a nice shelf, somewhere he can sit while being judgy.

Making a scene about what a good guy you are @Alan81 just makes you look like a red flag.

Absolutely! MM have the proven track record.

I do have his address and he also has a family plumbing business where if I was feeling like a bitch I could leave a nasty review. But really can't be bothered.

Whilst we dated he was griping about how he couldn't find me on FB (I have my profile non searchable and locked) but I found his and it's all about, what a great man I am, how amazing and what growth I've had and continue to have. Bollocks to that... he found out (this is sad) last year that the man he thought his father isn't, it was another man who was known to him, he did this with a DNA test. He now wants to do another DNA test to see if his DB is his actual DB or not. He has sisters through the DNA test as of last year. But it's obviously screwed with his head, more than he lets on I think. Then he was wondering about taking time off for a wisdom tooth appointment and then telling me how much he earns and how he wouldn't earn less than X amount. The other thing which really put me off is he's a bit of a bragger, about his son (doing very well in business), he went to school with Kate Moss etc - what Kate Moss' brother is doing now (works for her), how Kate came onto him at school once. So less about him and more about others and success.

He's basically an almost 50 year old man, recently divorced (I think 5-7 years ago), kids grown up, career gone to shit so he needs to think about what to do next, ex wife has their house as youngest is doing A levels, is living with parents for now (caring for dad) and is basically having a mid life crisis. I don't want to be dating a mid life crisis man.

@Acornsoup - I couldn't believe @Alan81 , the ones who say what a great catch they are, almost 99.9% of the time, aren't.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain

I get where you are coming from

I often feel like this or feel like i can understand why some women 🤔 are lesbians

but then i think if i run into same or similar type of issues in regards of relationships with men
I seriously know i need to look into good therapy that's effective...

One thing I will agree on is, OLD is a shambles. Cold, emotionless, awful thing it is.

Tbf I didn't say "I" was a great catch. I just said there's blokes out there that are single and aren't idiots. Probably a rare find like but hey.

And no, I'm not interested in trying to 'snare' anyone thank you very much

I've not long split up with a chap I 'settled' for. Don't get me wrong, I loved him, care about him as a friend now and enjoy spending time with him but as a relationship there were barriers, he has issues, his son is a mega brat and various other things that looking back I shouldn't have accepted.

I can't see myself doing the whole relationship thing ever again, but I will miss sex. I'd be happy to have a FWB arrangement with him because it a) doesn't raise my bodycount, b) I do find him sexually attractive and c) we had incredible sexual chemistry and d) I wouldn't have to enter the cess pit of OLD.

Does anyone else do this? I'd like a man on a library loan basis, not with the baggage of keeping it in the house all the time 😂

Bless you for replying but like I said, your opinion isn't relevant here. Why are you even on the relationships board here unless it's to blow your own trumpet or else whinge about your divorce/marriage?

Off you trot.

45, one disappointing (long term) relationship after another.

I'm waiting for the kids to be grown then I'm out on the road again, I miss travelling and doing whatever I feel like. So I've been head down, working and saving so I can retire early once the kids fly the nest (or at least can be left in the nest and don't need me there looking after them)

I'm just not interested in another bloke sapping my resources and using up all my time for (in my experience) very little benefit.

Maybe there's some rare gem out there I'll trip over who's confident and sorted and independent, but I don't hold out much hope and I'm not picking up some blokes dirty socks again.