Now I understand why there are twice as many men as women on OLD, it’s because we’re all giving up on men 😀.
I am in my early 40s and I recently decided to stop looking for love and a relationship. I have tried sooo hard to find someone all my adult life. I have made so many compromises. It simply didn’t work. I did have relationships but nothing with potential for long term.
The men I matched with and went on dates with were intelligent, educated, had good careers, hobbies, etc. I have never received dick photos or filthy messages. However, intelligence and education seem to make little difference to how these men act when dating. They either lied (omg the lies just drove me crazy), cheated, lovebombed me, gaslighted me or ghosted me. It’s like they all went to the same ‘school of dating’ where they learned the same tricks 😀. Or they simply weren’t emotionally available or interested in a long term relationship.
I went for dinner with a good friend last night. He is single, in his early 50s and he told me that the cliche is true, all the good men are taken. I pointed out that he is a good man but he responded that the good men who are not taken, like him, are not interested in a relationship. Another male friend (49) told me that he doesn’t want to date because dating involves effort and he just can’t be bothered to put in any effort in a relationship.
So that’s that. It’s sad. When I was growing up, in a dysfunctional family, I was incredibly sad and lost but what kept me going was the thought that one day I’ll meet someone who will meet me halfway, love me, and make me happy. I was incredibly sad to realise recently that this would not happen to me. But I also had to acknowledge that I couldn’t continue to spend my life anxious, crying after men who treat me badly, feeling rejected, driving myself crazy trying to understand why men mess me around.