Giving up on men

[Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain]

I think I'm giving up on relationships/dating. After seeing someone recently who just turned out to be just like all the rest of them I've figured a lot of men, especially now, really aren't worth it. Especially when you get to my age which is early 50s. Or you're forced to look at men who are late 50s/60s, no thanks.

I seem to have had slightly different experience as I haven’t had a series of crap relationships. I had a long marriage which ended amicably and I’m still on good terms with my ex.

However I just can not find anyone worth dating since then. I’ve tried OLD but have only had a handful of dates, only one of which lead to a second. Since last September there’s not been a single match that’s got past a few days messaging.

And the men I have met out and about have been similar. Just no conversation, want to to turn the chat sexual within days or are just needy and desperate.

Its grim

This

To be fair, I think it's both sides. The average man isn't giving what the average woman wants, and the average woman isn't giving what the average man wants.

@TeeBee hit the nail on the head with the first reply. As (she?) said, many men it seems, if they were honest, just want an easy life, to be the boss, and sex.

Women these days are empowered, they have demanded equality, so will stand up to a dominant man. They're also less inclined to be housewives and take care of the man. And sex is no longer 'for the man', it's entirely at her discretion.

But there is an irony here, as women 'typically' are attracted to dominant traits: taller, stronger, more successful, decision makers... someone who can look after them during pregnancy/child-rearing etc, but don't actually seem to want that type of man long-term as they no longer want to be 'number two'.

I didn't but there you go.

Some men are arseholes

Some women are too

Most people have probably had bad experiences with the opposite sex, doesn't mean we should label them all as horrible or useless, maybe that's just me though

@Alan81 there ARE some nice single men 40s/50s. We just wanted to discuss feeling jaded about meeting decent men when you're a bit older.

Yes, Alan’s intentions are so transparent! “Hey you guys, I’M a nice man - now who wants a shag?” 🤣🤣🤣

I think you sound ace OP. Dh is doing my head in atm but maybe I should keep hold of him - threads like this make me realise how desperate things are out there.

Unfortunately I like sex too much to be single!

I'm 44 nearly 45 and I've been single since I was 32 I don't intend to have another relationship. I've never enjoyed being in a relationship and have always self sabotaged when have been in one. I'm best off alone and happier that way

we're not all arse holes thanks

Well thats the thing though isn't it. None of the arseholes actually think they are arseholes.

The amount of times i've heard my DP say about one of his 'mates' oh yeah, hes a really nice bloke. And i'm like, didn't he (whoever hes talking about) cheat on his wife 2 years ago/punch someone in the pub/drive drunk the other night/gambles all the time/makes sexist jokes in the whatsapp group etc etc etc.
And him, well apart from that, he's such a nice bloke though.
Oh FFS.

Most people have probably had bad experiences with the opposite sex, doesn't mean we should label them all as horrible or useless, maybe that's just me though

I suppose it boils down to percentages.
If 90% of men weren't twats, women wouldn't think most men are twats.

Unfortunately, the 90% have ruined things for the 10% who are lovely.
You can blame men for that. Oh wait, you're a man, so obviously you can't blame yourself, thats unheard of. Must be us womens fault after all.

Friend met guy from OLD for coffee in the afternoon.
He had travelled 30 minutes by train to meet her.

After they had finished their coffee, he asked to go back to hers for sex.

She said no. He replied 'But I travelled all the way here by train, not even a blow-job?'. Bleurgh.

Romance seems to be dead.

Divorcing now, can't even think about dating again. 46yo.

Ex already has a potential replacement already. We split last Autumn and I filed as soon as I could.

I have limited experience of relationships. But I work with mainly men and associate with some in my family.

On the whole older men are stuck in their ways. They want to be looked after.

Or they are quite patronising. Or just boring.

ExHs best mate is wonderful in Ex's eyes. A top bloke. I see a chequered romantic life and a misogynist attitude to women. My DD grew up calling him Uncle. Turns out she gets the ick from him too.

Alongside the disappointing men are the ones who think I'm on the shelf because I'm not actively looking for a new partner. One was desperate to get me on OLD. No. IRL men are disappointing, on OLD they're worse.

It's going to take a f-ing awesome man to get me in a relationship. One who doesn't want me to be his maid, or massage his ego. Someone nice and respectful. But if I'm single for the rest of my life, I think I'll be ok with it.

Well thats the thing though isn't it. None of the arseholes actually think they are arseholes.

100% - I guarantee you all these twats on OLD sending dick pics, asking for blow jobs in the pub car park, leaving VM’s of them wanking and asking women hideously inappropriate questions by the 3rd message have friends and relatives saying what a lovely guy they are and it’s such a shame they can’t meet a decent woman.

Yep, in one of my updates on my thread, my friend texted me in a slight panic. She'd gone to a nice pub and was happily having a drink with this man, sitting next to her on a bench and then next thing she knew his legs were touching hers, like deliberately, she asked him what he wanted and he gave her some answer about physical touching, in other words saying it was ok wasn't it? Err no! She texted me from the toilets asking what she should do. I said if you feel brave go up to him and say you're leaving or leave. She did leave without saying anything (toilets are round the other side of the pub) and he rang her in a huff asking where she'd gone to?! He was obviously assuming something.

I was speaking to a French friend of mine recently who lives in France and she told me about how dating wasn't much better in France than here. Her ex DP (father to her 2 kids), did the old 'have an affair' and left her for another woman with a DD. She's furious and is dating a man without kids now but said it was partly because she didn't want to be alone and also she wanted to show her ex that she could have fun/a good time with a new man. But she said so many men in France on dating apps do exactly the same as British men, the dick pics, the wanking v-ms, everything. And some of them have the French arrogance about it, like 'what did you expect?!'.

Ha, his instincts about you were right? What were his instincts that you had boundaries.

Your friend was right to leave. He was gross.

Friend's DM was widowed at 50 and said she would never have a relationship again as 'She was done with washing men's kecks!'. Too right!

My friend went out to a pub for dinner with a man from OLD and said he seemed really nice. At the end of the evening they walked out to the car park and he said ‘I’ve parked right up at the back so no one can see us if you want any to unleash my beast’ - when she found that an offer she could completely refuse he said ‘but I bought you dinner, I wouldn’t have wasted my money of I knew you were a prude’

The funny thing is he’s paid for the meal using a 50% off voucher and really thought that entitled him to a fumble in the back of his car in a pub car park!!

I had a date with a 50 year old getting divorced. He openly told me how, when he was married, his brother had called him to say he had just seen his wife driving a car in ( name of part of city not near their house) and did he want him to follow her to see where she was going? My date said he told his brother, ‘yes, follow her’

He actually told me that, like having your wife followed was a normal thing to do and didn’t make him sound like a controlling psycho at all.

Same in Spain @Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain my friend met a guy whose xw "didn't like sex". That was the reason they broke up. She told me that 24 hours after hearing it and I knew, cynic that I am that there'd have been a very good reason she "didn't like sex". 10 weeks later my friend found out what it really was that his xw didn't like!! Endless suggestions that they have 3somes. Ffs. What a liar, making out he was the poor sex deprived victim of a "prude"

I’m sorry but no. The sheer amount of married ‘good’ men who’ve hit on me since my divorce is shocking.

Basically…’why does a dog lick its balls?’
Because it can.
Men are dogs. Even the ‘nice’ ones. I don’t think I’ve ever met a man I couldn’t have fucked if I wanted to.
They’ll do anything and betray anyone for a fuck

Actually you lot have reminded me. On my first date with twat ex, he suggested he would buy me dinner as he asked me out. I said yes ok, why not? So on our date we first met up for a drink in a nice pub but it only served pub food, so burgers etc which I didn't really fancy. I suggested we went somewhere else and as he'd mentioned a restaurant nearby we'd both been to I said why don't we go there then? A Sicilian pizza place. We did have a nice meal but now judging on past behaviour from him I bet he was thinking I owed him sex for this meal. In fact he did keep pushing for it when we did go out but like I said, most of February and March I've been seeing the doctor and in hospital for investigations in a feminine area. Plus also I'm not about to put out on the first date.

The thing is, not all men are the same. I'd been on a few dates over 3 months before I suggested to my ex from last year that we do the deed, I mean he wanted to, but wasn't pushing for it which at least showed respect and trying to get to know me first, as you do.

Ah bless him. Was he Spanish or British?

I still think with this one, it's not quite as straightforward as 'my wife signed up to FB and reconnected with her old school flame and then cheated on me'. I'm sure there's waaaayyyyyy more to the story from her side but of course he'd never tell me that would he?!

Actually a year ago, before I met the 'nice' ex, I went on a few dates with a man. He'd been living for the past at least 13 years in Sweden, with his wife and 2 DDs. He then decided to return to the UK for work but also family when his DDs reached the age when they were at college/uni and got divorced. He said as they all do "my ex wife was/is a psycho", loads of stuff along that line and wouldn't stop going about this. Then when we were on our second date a few little stories about his internet dating and the nutcases he'd met in Sweden, this one did this nutty thing, that one the same, this one looked awful the way she was dressed etc, and they all really liked him because he was such a catch (he was good looking and fairly easy to talk to, to be fair) and his ex wife from years ago before the second one still liked him if she saw him in England (he'd moved fairly near to where she was from).

I began to see through him a bit, ended it and just hoped and prayed his DDs were smart enough not to behave like daddy in future.

I'm in my 30s and have met someone online. Been together 2 years. Before him I met some horrors.
One who was so boring
One who I could see turn into an abuser
Others who were just plain odd or desperate.

I decided to be more ruthless so my rules were- no living with parents, had to be solvent and no weird past.

He was Spanish, but it's the usual.
Men, they're all the same except when they're even worse