Why are people having less sex?

[Hartley99]

I read a shocking statistic in the paper today. In 2009, 30% of men aged 18-24, and 50% of women, were having "no sex". In 2018, the same survey found that 43% of men aged 18-24 were having no sex, and 74% of women! The number of teenage pregnancies has plummeted as well. Also, and I wonder if this is connected in some way, the number of young people who don't drink alcohol has massively increased. Young people also seem less interested in relationships, or having children. In fact, people in general seem less and less keen to date, form relationships or families, etc. I'm pretty sure the birth rate is falling as well.

I've always found these sorts of social trends/changes fascinating. I kind of regret not studying sociology, actually. It's so interesting. What drives these changes? I was a teenager in the '90s, and there is no doubt that young people today are far less interested in sex and relationships than we were. They seem far more cynical, wary and suspicious. Rather than the end goal of life, they seem to view marriage and kids as a trap – something they might have to endure one day, but which they'd rather delay or avoid altogether. Or is it just me?

Condoms are expensive these days.

Because it's well known that women never just lose interest in sex as they get older, for no particular reason.

@jokeynever absolutely- my H is an attractive bloke at 59 compared to most 59 year old men but I simply lost sexual interest at menopause - and it never came back. In fact these days at 62 it gives me the creeps I don't fancy other men either- I may look and think 'oh he's handsome' but that's it.

I do not agree living at home means you are celibate. I was having sex with my boyfriend from 16. We waited until my parents or his parents were out the house. It affects how often you have sex, but you can still have sex.

@Crikeyalmighty sex has always dropped off with most couples as they get older. But young people are normally very interested in sex.

It's not just single people, apparently those in relationships are having less sex - the research I saw blamed smartphones, as in people obsessively scrolling etc nothing to do with porn even

We are not talking about marriage, but having sex. U had sex with carious men I would never have married.

Personally I believe women are changing. Women want to be independent, not to have to rely on a partner. Women don't need men as much as they did.

Mental health is a huge thing now and it is everywhere. Apps like tik tok are really popular for single woman showing how to live life alone and enjoy it. Solo holidays, meals alone, doing their own DIY etc.

I believe self respect is way more valuable these days. Being single and celibate is actually seen as quite cool.

Men have no choice but to put up with it.

Internet sex is far less messy, needs less effort and is 95% as interesting.

Real sex can be pretty dull when there's plenty of other things to do.

I don't reckon a mother of two under-fours is hitting the menopause quite yet.

The problem with internet sex is no kissing and no foreplay.

Unless you're talking a VERY long time ago there was the radio, and books, magazines and newspapers. Read a Jane Austen novel and you'll realise that even back then married couples were adept at avoiding each other - looking at you, Charlotte Lucas.

In pubs, people are generally there in groups. Friends, family, colleagues. You can't exactly meet people in the pub when there's a tendency for people to stick to their own groups.

In clubs, it's far too noisy to even talk to anyone.

Work is an absolute no. If you make a move on someone and they reject you, then it becomes awkward because you still have to work with them. Or if they don't reject you, but the relationship turns sour, then it becomes awkward anyway. Relationships distract from the work that needs to be done, and can be harmful to friendships (friendships are usually a positive thing in the workplace). Also, most people in the workplace will be in long-term relationships anyway.

The point was, and I could be wrong, about the attractiveness of those men. When increasing numbers of men do not have their act together, they will be less attractive.

When I was in my early 20s (20 odd years ago now) it didn’t matter you couldn’t hear someone in a club etc. You’d be dancing and someone would come up and try and dance with you, maybe bump bums with you to get your attention, and if you fancied them you’d have a dance and a flirt and then you might exchange phone numbers. Now they’d probably be accused of sexual harassment.

I do think men make less effort now.
Young men don’t seem to know how to speak to women.
They are more used to sitting in their bedroom, playing games with their virtual friends.
Maybe women mix more with women now, rather than socialising in places were they will meet single men.
Also a lot of people (mainly men) don’t make much effort with their appearance.
There isn’t anything attractive about a man with a shaved head in a grey tracksuit.
Yet this using often the uniform of men I see.
This is out and about on public, not at home decorating.
When I was single if the only choice was a shaven headed, tracksuit wearing bloke, I’d be using a vibrator too to get my kicks.

Most people can't afford to have sex anymore because they couldn't afford to have children which can always result from sex.

I think this has summed things up pretty well. I think there is another knock on as well.

ln my view this has meant many more women have gone past the “curious stage” and are exploring another side to their sexuality. Rather than less sex, they appear to be courting different sex.

Most clubs have cracked down hard on sexual harassment. It used to be an absolute scourge of going clubbing as a woman - the groping, the touching. Women used to have to just put up with it, knowing that men were taking advantage of dark rooms and crowds to get away with it, but these days there are a lot of zero-tolerance policies in place and men will get thrown out of the club immediately.

This is a good thing. On the dancefloor I mostly wanted to focus on my friends and the music. Meeting new people happened in the smoking area and at the afterparty where you can actually hear what's being said to you.

I imagine you are thinking of men there.
And you are assuming that sex=orgasm that’s it.

Ofc in that case, internet sex and porn is easier and just as good as if not better.

But if you assume sex = intimacy, well there isn’t a lot if intimacy to get from internet sex… and the point isn’t to make things sexy/make you live your kinks but to connect with the other person . Then it only gets boring or dull when you dint really care about the person!

@Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions, I am not sure I remember young men as more impressive a generation ago? Other than in terms of prospects?

Maybe this is the answer 😂😂

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/relationships/wed-want-more-sex-if-you-were-better-at-it-women-tell-men-20230823239280?fbclid=IwAR0GscSQZNlhxHUcELi8ozhv1VByk6mPj7Hl3kAqIcn-Bo1b1l1hQCOVsCI

The young adults (and I'm meaning anything below 30) that I know are mostly single, and making no efforts to change that. Some date, but not with any serious intentions of forming a lasting relationship. Most are busy with work, studying, friends, travel, hobbies.

They seem a more sensible generation overall. Few of them (that I know) drink. None of them smoke or do drugs. All studied hard at school. They tend to eat healthily / cook from scratch / be vegan or veggie. They are very aware of their impact on the environment.

I appreciate not everyone is the same, but I know that compared with me nad my friends at their age, they are a sensible, rational bunch. And the women know they don't need a man or marriage to be happy.

It's true that boys and men will typically "socialise" more online now, but part of that is probably the lack of a social network outside of the home now. Close and talkative communities that existed many decades ago have now been replaced by car-centric urban design, with sprawling suburban neighbourhoods where everyone is far apart and rarely see one another.

There are also fewer opportunities for boys and men to talk to women, as women are probably far less likely now to approach complete strangers and initiate a conversation. If a man went to a supermarket, or visited a city centre, or sat by himself in a bar, or attended some kind of event, would a woman approach him and initiate a conversation? It would be extremely rare, which is why this kind of social interaction has been seemingly replaced by more artificial online interactions.

Putting that aside... the comment about men with shaved heads was very strange. I thought the general consensus was that men experiencing hair loss look best if they simply shave their head, and this was preferred to the alternatives (eg. attempting a combover, wearing a wig, wearing a hat, or paying for a hair transplant).

In pubs, people are generally there in groups. Friends, family, colleagues. You can't exactly meet people in the pub when there's a tendency for people to stick to their own groups.

But this wasn't the case. People didn't sit around tables- the pubs were packed and everyone would be standing up and friends of friends would rock up so it wasn't discrete groups of people- there was a lot of cross pollination. Your friend would see someone they liked and asked if you could sound them out so you'd time the loo/ bar so you could talk to them and then your friend could sidle up too. I actually met my flatmate in the queue for the loo at a pub (she was a girl, so not romantic, but she mentioned she was flathunting and we had a spare room coming up). I think maybe pre-SM people were more open to just taking a chance as it was easier to shake off people who turned out to be nightmares.