Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Also as a side note, just got the marks and Spencer extremely cheesy hot cross buns! Would highly recommend if anyone wants non chocolate based treat (totally off topic haha)

@librauk

POF is the dregs. Thats where I’ve had the majority of the creepy or sleazy messages.

Bumble seems to be the best one for me. I’ve tried Hinge several times and never had a single match.

I even tried FB dating but that was another one where no one actually chats.

I'm 52, but similar age range to @SamW98 & @librauk and I too can confirm that the over 50's are the worst!

Good luck to those with dates tonight or over the weekend.

Think you were totally right to ditch Mr Tea @SamW98

I had a long chat with someone last night who has potential but they are not local so don't think it will go anywhere. Also v feeling distanced from it all, which is a good thing, maybe going to have a break over the weekend from it all.

@blacksocks33 great you have another date tonight with Mr Shy, I think I would just be asking at this stage, just like @Pepsimaxedout suggests. I think you could do it in a light hearted way. Good luck!

I am finding Hinge poor this time around, matching more on Bumble.

How many of you have had a real connection and been drawn to someone. Chemistry, compatibility, enjoy each other’s company etc.?

Have you tried match @SamW98?

I tried hinge v briefly, all them too busy climbing the mountains to match so I moved to Bumble but it got quiet after then first 3 weeks so am now on Bumble and Match subscribed. Only meant to do both for a couple of weeks but that has morphed into a couple of months now. Match is definitely more basic than Bumble as in less possible to filter out the obvious red flags but it's much busier than Bumble. Although I do need to delete and reinstate my profile still.

@Mckittens

I tried Match but I won’t pay £40 a month just to send messages and the free version is a waste of time as you can’t do anything other than look.

Ourtime the overs 50’s part of Match was without doubt the must hideous experience of my life. The men on there really were the dregs. Full of overweight pasty faced men in Hi-viz staring blankly into the camera. My subscription couldn’t run out fast enough

And yes Hinge is full of middle aged mountaineers, kayakers, paddle boarders etc whose Sundays always involve a hike and a pub roast and whose ideal first date is zip wiring or jumping out of a plane. I don’t think I’m the right demographic

@LittleFloatingGhost

I only felt a real connection once with Mr GA last summer and then he told me after second date he has permanent ED which killed off the prospect of a relationship.

I was gutted at the time as its first guy I’ve felt like that with in ages but I’ve since realised there were other red flags which I didn’t notice as I concentrated on the positive things.

How about eHarmony?

They’ve been reported to trading standards numerous times for tying people up into long expensive subscriptions and refusing to honour the 14 day cooling off period in their T&Cs and charging £65 for a comparability test.

There’s been a lot of negative publicity about their very very very small print and taking additional funds then taking months to refund.

@LittleFloatingGhost I've not had any get past the second date stage! There's always some shit show that comes out of the woodwork eventually. They're shorter than they said they are. They look rougher than their pictures. They turn up smelling of sweat. They ask for pictures. They decide that you are the love of their life and picture a future with you after two minutes. They stalk you on WhatsApp. They don't order a milkshake in five guys (it was the final straw on an awful date TBH!).

I've had physical connections with some and sometimes thought I like a bloke's personality. But something always goes wrong. I have the second date with Mr D coming up and I am just waiting........

I looked into eharmony and it just looked awful. I also made the assumption (rightly or wrongly) that it was probably for people who wanted a live together marriage and happily ever after relationship. Not a 'I will never live with a partner ever again, I refuse to marry again and I'm done having kids. But I'm free three days a week if you wanna go out then' kind of relationship.

@SamW98

And yes Hinge is full of middle aged mountaineers, kayakers, paddle boarders etc whose Sundays always involve a hike and a pub roast and whose ideal first date is zip wiring or jumping out of a plane.

You've described most of the blokes on match TBH. The rest are in the pub with a can of beer and a football top on!

@Pepsimaxedout

Pretty much my experience. The vast majority don’t get past chatting stage and end up being sex pests, monosyllabic, harassers or just generally poor communication.
The handful who make it to a date have been either nice guys but no spark or absolute nightmares. The one who turned up looking like he’d slept in a skip and literally didn’t say a word. The one I still shudder about who arrived at a 2pm coffee date wearing a suit and tie plus mirrored sunglasses then sat on his hands when the bill arrived. The one who talked non stop about himself and didn’t ask a single question about me. The one who was about 6 inches shorter than he claimed with questionable tattoos - as in right wing.

And let’s not even get into the naked arse guy or the telephone wanker - literally!!

I’ll give that a miss then. I’ve got more chance of winning the lottery than ever being persuaded to go on an activity date. Seriously what’s wrong with a drink and a chat in the warm?

Another OLD cliche I hate - I’m a glass half full sort of guy

It’s up there with ‘I love to laugh’

One day I will reply ‘well I’m the love child of Victor Meldrew and Wednesday Addams so think we’ll clash slightly’

@Mckittens @Pepsimaxedout ahh thank you both!
Tbh I'm feeling quite nervous this morning! He sent me a few nice texts yesterday about wanting to see me.. I just hope he's feeling a bit braver when we meet too 🙈

@blacksocks33 that's great that he sent some nice texts yesterday. It's sounding really positive I think. What are you doing tonight for your date with him?

@SamW98 I was a young and naive 21 YO when I met my now ex and I was just glad to have any man (although he was a boy in hindsight!) show interest in me. I let him set the pace with everything in our relationship. It was codependent. I was the giver and he was the taker. I can't really describe how things were with my ex, but I always felt 'lesser than' to him. I could never understand why anyone would want me. Which is ridiculous!

Living alone and being alone has shown me how much I capable of and how much I actually have to bring to a relationship. But it has also made me so much more savy about who I choose to invite into my life. I know that being alone is preferable to having a third child to tidy up after! I am quite ruthless and upfront about things with men. But after being so passive for 20+ years, I will NEVER be that woman again.

I actually think you should have this on your profile, its v funny and it might help weed out some of the absolute dicks you've had messaging you.

@Pepsimaxedout that's amazing, you sound so strong.

I'm working really hard on setting boundaries and sticking to them. It feels great. I agree no way do I want a third child. We will have loads to bring to table in terms of a relationship but I'm not settling ever again.

I never felt my ex had my back, he couldn't do emotional support at all. Not that I need someone to prop me up emotionally but I do want someone who has some interest in how their partner is feeling/ how their day has been.

@Pepsimaxedout

I actually had a really good 23 year relationship with my ex and we’re still good friends. We just drifted as our DS got older and realised we didn’t have anything in common anymore. We were more like housemates and parents than a couple. We always had quite independent lives though and both did a lot separately as well as together.

A year after we split I met someone else through mutual friends and he was polar opposite. Wanted to be joined at the hip, thought people who do stuff with friends means there’s something wrong in the relationship and was absolutely obsessed with what other people in our social circle thought. He wasn’t a bad guy but it wore me down. He had major surgery while we were together and I think that was the reason I stayed longer than I should tbh. It was when we didn’t see each other for several weeks due to lockdown I realised I was happier on my own and it’s been that way since.

So as much as I’m not trying to recreate my relationship with ex DH that’s more of the thing that works for me - independent lives, both do our own thing and come together when it suits us both. I do have very strong boundaries - I do wonder if they’re too strong though.

Tbh an exclusive FWB would probably suit me but I’ve got not idea where I find one of those - and if I put that in OLD I can imagine the offers I’d get 🤣🤣🤣

@Pepsimaxedout 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

@SamW98 I tried FabSwingers to find a FWB, but trying to weed out the men was draining. You think OLD is bad! This site was something else, wasn’t expecting too much difference, but I was very naive. Suffice to say I didn’t meet anyone in person! 😂😂

I very briefly entered into Feeld - that was bad enough 🤣🤣

Within minutes I had more offered of 3somes from couples than in my previous years on the planet. I lasted a few hours before deleting in horror

I know a lot in here say find a FWB among your current friends but I really can’t think of anything worse than sleeping with one of my mates - that’s a line I’ve never crossed.

Just turned 52.
Ended my long, sexless marriage 4 years ago. I was not attracted to him but carried on with the marriage for far longer than I should've done.
Tried dating sites and find them awful.
Where are all the lovely men 47-55 years???? Any left?
Desperately lonely 😞.