Dating thread 246 - Spring Dating

[SamW98]

Continued from 245….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SamW98 completely agree! Some lines you can never come back from 😅

I'm early 40's with primary age DC. Looking for a man in a similar boat between 40-50 years old to have a long-term relationship with.

I'm finding it quite a tricky age group to be looking in for men on OLD as at the lower end a lot don't have DC and I'm not keen to rush into having anymore, which my age would necessitate if I did.

At the upper end of the age range it seems these are the men who've come out of a long-term marriage or relationship who want to get to sex as quickly as possible, with as many women as they can. When they don't get it, they just move on to the next.

I just noticed a chat starting to dwindle and so I said - do you want to meet up? That's fine if not. And he said "I think we could meet up as friends" ???? I can only assume he didn't notice before we started talking that I have kids and he felt too awkward to say he wasn't interested. I hate how people just can't be upfront.

Aww it's nice to read everyone's stories!... but sad to hear of all the nonsense we've had to deal with :(

I'm 33. I have 2 children. I was with my ex for 10 years. We got married, planed a second child, I was 5 months pregnant and he walked out on me.
He just left... didn't speak to me for a few days and dumped me via text. That was it.
He treated me like absolute trash.. threatening to take the children away, gas lighting me, making me feel completely inadequate. I hit rock bottom a few times.
It didn't take too long for me to realise I deserve better then him. I had my baby in hospital on my own during the first lockdown. He was very poorly and in ICU so I stayed in hospital on my own. Picked him up and drove him home myself. Very proud of myself looking back!
EH means nothing to me now. If he's in a bad mood he'll try and take it out on me with cruel comments but with lots of trauma therapy I am dealing with that better.
It probably makes sense why I worry about being ghosted so much... because my husband effectively did this to me! And it hit me like a tonne of bricks!
This was nearly 5 years ago now. After along time on my own I'd love to have someone else in my life. I don't need anyone to save me, or play step parent. I just want to meet someone who enjoys their own life and understands that I cannot be available all the time and has similar values to me. I hope this imaginary person exists 😂🙈

@Starseeking

As someone fishing in the over 50’s pool I can tell you that yes I seems to be my experience that most of the men that age on OLD have come out of long (probably sexless for a number of years) marriages and have no idea how to talk to or date women. They’re like sex obsessed teenagers trying very very badly to seduce women as quickly as possible and think if you don’t fall for their crude sexting by the second date, you’re too much hard work.

Its actually sad to think of these ageing bald beer bellied men thinking they’re on par with Brad Pitt in his prime and still using lines from the 80’s and wondering why the women their age aren’t ripping their knickers off 🤦‍♀️

To be honest it was the sadness of these desperate old men that made me give up on OLD completely (I’m 61). So much loneliness and utter cluelessness. No self-knowledge or support network, no curiosity, no joy. Frantically cycling or climbing mountains to still the voices in their heads telling them how unloved they are. As women we are generally so much luckier in having other types of relationships(family, DC , friends) to fall back on, and we’re way stronger. I’m not excusing the terrible behaviour of men on OLD mind. They bring the sadness on themselves.

Well my date just cancelled that was planned for tonight. This guy is either a massive bullshitter or genuine. He phoned me to cancel basically with a seeemingly genuine family- related incident. This is already a second pass he’d been given after the first attempt was a fail.
FFS

@Cantabulous

I totally agree. I’ve always ensured I’ve got friends outside of any relationship I’ve been in and since I’ve been single I’ve continued to add to my social circle so I’m never bored or lonely.

I go out with friends all the time, have 3/4 weekends and 2/3 holidays a year with girlfriends.

The men of my age don’t seem to have that. The amount of men I’ve chatted to who say they rarely go out coz their friends are all married and seem to spend their lives either working or sitting on sofa watching Sky Sports.

I don’t want to be with a man where he’s relying on me for his social life. I’d rather be with someone busy where we see each other when we can rather than live in each others pockets.

@Bestlife18

Oh no that’s crap. Are you done with him now that’s twice he’s cried off?

@Cantabulous you have this so right. So many men without friends whose lives were their ex and children. Other than work there is nothing much going on. Maybe that’s why they can come across so full on. I’d rather the real world. I found the dating apps such a waste of time as people often are not who they say. But real world is hard 🤞🏼for fate!

That’s what my daughter just told me to do! I think so or at least if he does contact for another time, I will make absolutely zero effort and make it a coffee/walk so that I don’t waste my time thinking about outfits, nails etc!! He did actually phone me to explain but this could just be his MO - annoying! What would everyone else here do?!

@Bestlife18 i had a guy do this twice. I was done after that tbh. Don’t contact him. Let him make 100% effort. If he is interested he needs to make amends. The fact that he phoned is a positive but don’t let him waste your time. I told the guy I was done and he understood.

Thank you - that’s exactly what I was planning to do now. I’ve just deleted the what’s app chat so I can’t contact him now so it’s up to him. I just can’t believe people are so flaky!

This would be me too @Bestlife18.

If he's genuine, he'd have to go out of his way to show this with his actions, as cancelling twice for an OLD is really poor form.

Thanks ladies! My friends just can’t believe the bs - I say to them “I potentially have a date on x” and they say to me “why potentially?” And then I explain about the fact that most of them have either ghosted before the day or cancelled. It’s driving me mad!

@Bestlife18 I'm so sorry this has happened to you :(
I hope you're ok, it's so so deflating 😞

Totally get your comments about "supposed to be going on a date".....

Thank you @blacksocks33 yep it’s not good for your self confidence! Between this and trying to sell my house atm it’s a non stop field of time wasters! However, instead of sitting there with chocolate tonight, I’m going to the gym to try and at least get something good to come of it!

Good on you @Bestlife18, keep living your great life.

The oddest experience I've had OLD was the guy who was over an hour late to the date, but kept texting that he was "just coming", or would "be there soon".

Ordinarily I'd have left after giving him 15-20 minutes, however it was an engineering weekend, and I only had 1 train per hour, so waited.

When he finally arrived, and I really pressed him on why he was so late (as it shouldn't have taken him that long if he'd left on time), he confessed he'd waited at home until I texted to say I was at the meeting point, before he set off on his 1 hour journey! He wanted a second date, and was very surprised, and couldn't understand why I said no

@Bestlife18 I am probably too harsh and in a grump myself this afternoon, but I would be binning him off TBH. If this is the second time, then he's taking the piss IMO.

@Starseeking that is so bad! What a weirdo for doing that?!

I am in a bit of a sulk cos I was meant to be having a phone chat with Mr D tonight and he's off out on the lash tonight so he can't now. Just feeling a bit low on the list of priorities over it all. 😕

@Pepsimaxedout he said he'd been stood up on dates previously, and that was his safeguard to make sure it didn't happen again. Luckily it was an afternoon date, so I had two coffees with him, then I caught the next train home 🤣🤣🤣

@Pepsimaxedout if you had a scheduled call this evening and he's now gone out, that does sound like he's deprioritised you, which isn't nice

@Starseeking thanks, I didn't know if I was being a bit precious or not. Because I know if I had the option for a last minute night out I'd probably take it myself. But it still hurts TBH.

If he's rearranged the call for tomorrow then hopefully he'll be able to redeem himself @Pepsimaxedout.

@Pepsimaxedout yes totally agree as did my teenage daughter. Tbh I’ve taken myself out of the bs as deleted his contact details and the chat and highly doubt he will reach out again. My friend said the same as you on Weds night that she wouldn’t have given him another chance, that’s before this nonsense!!

Oh ladies - it’s just all very depressing do any of us have a good experience to share?!