I’m beyond angry. Just a rant.

[Ihavenamechanged987]

Not sure if relationships is exactly the right place for this but I’m reeling. How could anybody believe this is acceptable!

So guy I’ve known for years and would have said was a friend, albeit one I don’t see often. Both of us have had a rough month so arranged to meet him for drinks tonight with a few other people, strictly platonic. He was aware of this… or so I thought.

Texting earlier to arrange meeting time place etc and he starts to get a bit flirty. I clarify that this is just friends having a drink and a laugh together and nothing else and he agrees but then starts to push it again. Anyway I’ve attached the texts below because I’m speechless and angry.

The gist of the last message which is cut off is him asking if I’m still going! Funnily enough the answer was no with a side of me telling him he’s creepy and rapey. I’ve blocked and will never speak to him again but I’m so angry.

Perfectly put.

*Do you now realise that women, on account of living with this bullshit our whole lives and knowing exactly what it means, do not actually require your instruction on the subject, and are not responding this way to it because we just hate men?

Because frankly, that's the decider.*

Frankly I don't care

Anyone who thinks it's ok to call me pig ignorant is not worth the bother

Yes he is creepy and rapey and by the sounds of it horny and highly insecure and if you feel that was a risk to be assaulted he really isnt a true friend and you were right to be angry
Im so sorry
just be thankful that he revealed himself over text before you actually met up and probably got shocked and
traumatised

Look after yourself

You've just expressed your own concern that you might be "thick as shit" and have been confidently telling us all why we're wrong on the matter when you hadn't even read the full story - and it had gone exactly the way we said it would.

This isn't about your ego. It's about harassment of women and the threats we live with, and about which you have just displayed egregious ignorance. If you truly want to learn, you'll drop the complaining that your ego was bruised, because it's not important, and realise it's about men harassing women, and other men telling women they're in the wrong and are just stupid and hateful.

You took great offence at my post - do you think it was worse than the harassment OP is suffering?

No, we know you don't care. That's the point. Harassment of women and abusing them for not putting up with it isn't as important as your ego never ever being bruised, even when you join a thread like this and are wrong all over it. Your ego: that's what matters.

We all know it but it's good to have it from your mouth.

This made my skin crawl...yuck. OP take his advice and never contact him again!

You need not have gone beyond "frankly I don't care".

If I were you I'd have stuck with pig ignorance as your defence. Incel apathy paints you in an even worse light.

Its because some of us have a brain, which allows us to spot the obvious.

Louder for the people in the back!

He can't cope with being told he's been pig ignorant on Mumsnet, but women are just horrible man haters for not excusing aggressive sexual harassment.

If the tables turned for just one day, imagine how he'd handle it. My God.

No its not that....

Trying to do mental gymnastics and telling myself he "wasn't like that" around my "friends" behaviour got me raped. When it comes to men, it's always better to err on the side of caution. Always be prepared that they have ulterior motives, no matter how confident you feel in your opinion of them. This is not victim blaming, but simply safety advice. I ignored my gut feeling to stay away. I didn't deserve what happened, but I wish I'd listened.

Its easier when they come waving big red flags like this. Sadly, so many are actually clever at how they do it and aren't as obvious.

Im actually howling laughing at the ignorance of ' pick up the phone and speak to him' .
And this is no laughing matter. I mean wtaf.
'Oh dear, im really sorry but you come across like you want to assault me, i hope that doesnt offend you. Can i just check, and im really sorry if this upsets you, but were you planning on raping me this evening? Thanks so much , glad we had this chat.'

Fuckrightoff.

OP. Sorry you have had to deal with all this shit from a creepy idiot posing as a friend. You didn't deserve that. At all.
But your instincts were correct.
And you acted on them, and took steps to protect yourself. Hopefully that should restore your confidence.
Hope you are having a better day today.

Please screenshot everything and DON’T block him. It may be helpful to go to the police with everything anyway admit what you have heard about his ex is true, you may be able to back her up with evidence of his behaviour. (Not that you owe her anything but getting this wankstain off the streets is not a bad thing for Womanity.)

I am so sorry that happened to you 💐

@Ihavenamechanged987 thats really horrible but so common amongst my friends to have similar experiences. I had a long term friend do this kind of thing, we lived in same city, he knew my partner and kids etc but he had something happen to him that meant he couldn't work and he got more and more dependent, rang me constantly, very early in the morning, asked to come live with us and when I finally had enough- I was unwell at the time too - and told him I just couldn't deal with his neediness and anger when I couldn't do what he wanted, he started to threaten me and some of it was sexual in nature. I sent one last message telling him I would report him to the police if he ever contacted me again and then blocked him. That was 8 years ago now but I always worry I'll bump into him. I hope you're feeling safe and ok. It's not nice to have this happen. Women are always having to try and mange and deescalate these awful men.

Do you now realise that women, on account of living with this bullshit our whole lives and knowing exactly what it means, do not actually require your instruction on the subject, and are not responding this way to it because we just hate men?

Absolutely spot on.

This thread has certainly bubbled up some... interesting posters.

Well done on blocking and avoiding this coercive manipulative moron!

onwards and upwards.

@Ihavenamechanged987 , @SlipperyFish11 , and all the other posters who've been assaulted or threatened with assault.

I'm so sorry men have put you through this.

[also edited to clarify: you're not the "interesting" posters I referred to above!]

🙄

Yep, this is the script.

Plus all the backtracking, aggression and finding bizarre ways to blame the woman for... something, whatever, anything to somehow put the woman in the wrong.

Nah. His whole reaction is a massive red flag and he has form with an ex. Any decent man (with an awareness of how vulnerable the OP would be so far from home) would say ‘oh god. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Of course no physical contact is fine. I just meant a hug. It will be nice to see you, hug or no hug but do what makes you comfortable’. But even suggesting physical intimacy in the first place and his reaction since is pretty aggressive and unhinged.

Given what you know now, I would definitely suggest reporting him. It will help the police build up the bigger picture about him and add even more weight to that hefty file.

You've only got to look at Wayne Couzens history to see that if someone had sat down and put all the pieces together, he might not have got as far as murdering poor Sarah Everard.