Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

I work part time in school hours and it's great.

If there was a Mum who did the whole full time stay at home when they had kids at school I would wonder what they did with their time. I get the cleaning, housework, exercise thing. And also the financial factor. I'd hate to be reliant on any man.

Each to their own and I would be supportive, but just questioning (in my own head)

Plus it's jealousy too. With this cost of living crisis, it is becoming rare for this to be the case. So many Mums would love to stay home with their children.

I have always worked part time, and some of my friends have been stay at home Mums and they really Lord it over as the 'best' thing, and that the best Mums stay home.

I was the outlier out of all my friends years ago when I had my eldest. They all returned to work. I didn't. Freak alert. They aren't friends anymore, but that's fine, I have moved on and met others along the way 🤷🏻

Forget what others are saying about your situation OP. They aren't true friends if they don't accept your situation.

I believe I may have undiagnosed anxiety and/or depression so in my situation it was for the best as I get overwhelmed a lot with stuff as it is. I try to take care of myself each day in order to cope.

Keep strong OP 💪

It's a fucking nightmare tbh.

Be grateful. Be very grateful.

Am I jealous? No, because I think not working wouldn't be good for me mentally.

But having the choice to be a SAHM with school age children and no financial worries is definitely a privilege.

Juggling a family and two demanding careers with no extended family support is bloody hard.

This really tickled me 😂
The idea that 'the best mums stay at home' have never met me!!
I'm so proud that as a family we've raised inquisitive, argumentative, informed, intelligent, kind, polite, empathic children.
Not because I was the best mum but because our situation works for us.
As it does for many working mums.
Your friends are arrogant and perpetuating the myth that a SAHM is superior to a working mother.
Happily I've never met these kind of women.
You do you and I'll do me.
I'm sure both of our DC will be amazing because we are!

Because all mums (and dads) are parents full-time and it's insulting to people who work. Saying something like 'I'm not working right now, I'm a stay-at-home parent' has a completely different vibe. It used to be 'I'm a housewife', and somehow that got turned into 'I'm a full-time mum' when actually housewife is more accurate if you're talking about function

As has been explained to death on here, that should not upset you, it just means they are actively physically there parenting their child full time, thats all. Its not a slur at working mums, unless they choose it to be of course.

it is really sad when these threads start turning into the best mums stay at home or work or do part time or whatever. Hopefully, we are all doing what fulfils us, works for us and our families and our kids are happy too. Otherwise, I’m sure we would be making changes

Not once they're school age though surely? They're not physically there parenting their children anymore than someone who works part time school hours. Personally I don't know why they don't just describe themselves as not working or unemployed, that would attract less debate then using the term full-time mum or stay at home mum, especially if the children aren't home with you full time anymore.

Not when their children are at school they’re not.

Mostly jealousy

Some of us "SAHMs" have kids who are home educated.

Not that it really matters either way.

Agree mostly jealousy. I wasn't one (a SAHM) , but I didn't have an opinion on it, as far as others are concerned. In the 80s and 90s we were mostly criticised for being at work, also brainless and upsetting.

OK I’ll allow home educators the unbearably twee “full time mummy/daddy” moniker. This is far from the norm though.

The people who seem to have the strongest views on this thread are women who work.
I understand this perspective as you're actually doing two jobs, your paid work and your work as a mother.
But why be so belittling to other women who, for whatever reason, don't feel they need to or are able to take on this huge responsibility.
I've never questioned a working mum about their choices so why do you question mine?
I was born in 1971.
My mum was a feminist bought up by a feminist. So a strong line of informed women.
I can give you examples you wouldn't believe.

They literally broke boundaries and were notable by what they did.

My DM was in the RAF when she met my DDad in the early sixties.
He was also in RAF but a lower rank.
To allow them to marry she had to give up her career. Had it been the other way round she'd have been able to marry and stay in RAF.
She taught us growing up that we had no ceilings and was so grateful that times had changed.
Yet she was still happy to accept and respect my decision to be a SAHM, the same way she champions the fact that my DDs want to take on the world.
Feminism to my DM is the ability to make choices.
Not a race to the bottom.
I have to say that until this thread I've never felt the need to justify my choices.

Not once they're school age though surely?

No, i would agree. I always think the term is used pre school age as they are then full time parents.

They're not physically there parenting their children anymore than someone who works part time school hours

I agree, if you only do school hours then they are there no more than them.

Personally I don't know why they don't just describe themselves as not working or unemployed, that would attract less debate then using the term full-time mum or stay at home mum, especially if the children aren't home with you full time anymore

This is the bit i still cant understand, is why people are so over invested in how people refer to themselves. It takes nothing away from me for someone to call themselves a SAHP to a school aged kid. It doesn't bother me in slightest, im not offended, im not threatened i just let them get on with it. it doesn't take anything away from me as i know the decisions i make are right for me and mine. So i just let them be happy with themselves.

See I don’t think this is correct. Sure there are mums who work and have no choice financially. Perhaps they feel jealous.
Many mums work because it fulfils them in a different way. Even if I won the lottery I would work, for a charity and for free. Work fulfils me and other women in multiple ways. I enjoy contributing, leading, being part of a business, mentoring younger business people, seeing colleagues and discussing business matters. In addition, not feeling any fear of being career or financially vulnerable if my husband asks for a divorce or has an affair.
I can appreciate why a sahp likes being at home and why it works for a family.
Some people just can’t fathom it because their drives and perspectives are different is all, that’s down to them being judgemental

Well me neither they can call themselves what they want, who's over invested? I said it does seem to cause debate which it does and I wondered why it's not as common to just say unemployed or not working. People are entitled to not work if they can support themselves or have someone happy to support them. Not so much stay at home parent but "full time mum" which is what I mentioned, it does imply others are not "full time".

surely bringing up kids who are well rounded, securely attached human beings is important for future generations and the world/economy also…?

Working mums do this too.

Well I home educate and would personally never refer to myself as a full time mummy because I think it's cringe, I was merely pointing out it isn't necessarily correct to assume if your child is school age you don't have them for most of th3 day.

It’s a shame we can’t all be more positive of each situation.. most people are trying to do their best.. I really resonate with those who mentioned the anxiety thing and parenting / work juggle.. I had that too.. it wasn’t working for us..

I’ve come to realise no matter what you do, you will always be judged in a negative sense. Rarely are we uplifting and positive about women and their choices (again, I reference the Barbie film and monologue about how we can never seem to get it right)

what a load of BS! If it feels right for you and your family, go for it..

the choices we make and luck we have are intertwined I believe..

funny how ppl pull away or fall out when they perceive you as in a better position than them and yet I would never lord anything, I have nothing to lord and no entitlement.. I am grateful for where I’m at, I’ve also made key sacrifices along the way that many I know have not..

@perfectcolourfound for sure they do.. I know I am a better mum personally when I focus on my family and my mental health/anxiety.. I couldn’t manage a stressful job/hours/work environment as I’m not cut out for it.. believe you me I have tried to navigate the corporate world..

would still love to know how most parents manage the constant school holidays every 6 weeks!! Working or not working!!

Because it's not valued on a parity with employment. Because you're not getting paid to do what you do essentially.

Gains made in the world of work by women I think has been done at the expense of devaluing motherhood. 'I'm getting out of the kitchen' etc. And it probably had to be this way. But this means that we can't have it both ways.

You kind of have to do you, but it's strange your family and friends are talking like this.

@SirChenjins going to work is a bit rubbish, that’s why holidays and days off are so great, and why they have to pay you money to get you to keep going back. If people’s jobs were so fantastic they would pay to go there, like Thorpe Park or a spa break.
I’ve pretty much always worked in ‘fulfilling’ work, and I’ve always wished I didn’t have to get up and go when the alarm goes off, but you make the best of it and do a good job.
Everyone I know, if they won the lottery would jack in work the next day. The idea people go out to work because they love it and it makes them so so happy is crazy. (Unless you are a hot air balloon pilot, I imagine that is a super fun job)

I think that’s all the jealousy is, the idea of not having a boss, or not having to do what you don’t want to do. It’s not a full view of the sacrifices you make in financial independence and pension contributions when you are a sahm, which are significant.

My comment was specifically in relation to the “full time mummy” descriptor and what that implies for working parents.