Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

Goodness we move in different circles. All the affluent women you know abandoned interesting lucrative careers that took years to achieve?

Almost everyone I know is a doctor married to another doctor. So all could comfortably be a SAHP. Number of SAHPs I know? Zero.

I wouldn’t worry OP, do what works for you. If it’s any comfort plenty of people have nothing good to say about women who work, especially those of us who work long hours in stressful jobs (until they need me to resuscitate their kid then they seem ok with it).

Weirdly enough the doctors I know seem to have quite a good work/life balance. Two in particular - married to each other, one is a GP working a 3 day week, the other works in a hospital on a 3 day week. They do long hours on those days but it means they each get a couple of days off with their DC. I always thought that was a nice way of doing it.

Did she say they were all affluent?

I was a SAHM.. but I'm 66 and most of my friends were too. My daughters are SAHM too but they home educate. I loved it.. Best years of my life.

Most doctors I know are very understanding why my child's illness means I don't really have much choice but to be a SAHM at this time (and probably won't for a long time).

I'm highly qualified. I love my paid work but I also am loving some of the opportunities I have at the moment because I'm not doing it. I do believe in making the most of what you do have.

I don't care if anyone else is a mother working 80 hours a week if that's what they genuinely want to do. I'm not a doctor but if I was, I'd probably work only 1-2 days a week while I had young kids, just to keep my hand in for when I want to return more fully later.

TBF, the post she replied to, the poster said that's what she did all day. Keep house, cook and go to the gym whilst her kids were at school

OK, fair enough. That would drive me nuts but if it makes the poster they were replying to happy, then more power to them.

I think it depends on your personal perception of what you find easier or harder. It isn't the same for everyone.
I have always worked full time, although compressed hours mean that is only 4 days a week. I always considered my days at home with the children to be the days off and to be the easier and more relaxing of the two.

Also there's no medal for a hard life. It's not like you lead a more worthy existence because you find something a slog, whether that's being at home or going to work.

Basically it boils down to this
Become a SAHM. - you are wrong and setting a bad example for your kids

Become a working mother- you are wrong and set a bad example for your kids

Work part time- you are wrong! Think of your colleagues feelings when you leave early oh and you are setting a bad example for your kids

Become a Dad, pick your kids up from school once a week and you are a saint

Basically women can't win, we need to support each other regardless of how you support your family

Finally, it just feels a bit entitled and Princessy to let another person provide for you. Like, why don’t you feel any sense of duty to get out there and contribute ? I don’t know; I just wonder what message it sends your kids about women; also the expectation that ‘all’ the man needs to do is earn and he need not contribute to any of the domestics. It all just feels wrong to me.
If you assume that's what would happen if you were a SAHM, then that's a your partner problem not a my partner problem.
He provides financially, I do all the running around with our disabled child and younger twins. He doesn't need to book time off for multiple appts, school events, sickness but he will do school runs when he's had to due to illness. We're a partnership.
I can contribute to society in ways other than working and earning and paying tax.

The message it sends is that I don't have to make our family more vulnerable to fulfill society's expectations.
DH absolutely contributes to the domestics, why wouldn't he? He cooks tea some nights, tidied, vacuums, cleans, does every bed time, baths them, puts out the bins. I do most of that too and more often but he absolutely pulls his weight, especially if I want to go away for the day / weekend

If children are taught girls can do any job they want when they grow up, it doesn’t seem a huge leap to me for a child to wonder why their main female role model doesn’t have a job.

Your choice to work part-time hours around school time is also entirely different to being a fully SAHM to an older child, so I’m not sure how comparing your appreciative DCs to my experience as a child is helpful.

I’ll repeat that as an adult I support and understand why women make different choices regarding working outside the home. I support OP’s choice, my DM’s choice, your choice and your mother’s choice. Children however don’t always know those reasons and are not always known for their big picture thinking! I couldn’t put myself in my mother’s shoes at that age.

Because all mums (and dads) are parents full-time and it's insulting to people who work. Saying something like 'I'm not working right now, I'm a stay-at-home parent' has a completely different vibe. It used to be 'I'm a housewife', and somehow that got turned into 'I'm a full-time mum' when actually housewife is more accurate if you're talking about function.

Obviously your mother valued what she could give you by being at home. Not saying others are wrong if they value different things.

I've been a SAHM to teenagers for a few years now. The youngest is now late teens and I'm a SAHM to them (though it's more of a care situation now). It's not a choice as much as forced by circumstances. My children that are older than them do speak fondly of all their memories of what we did when they were younger, so that's very rewarding too. I've just learned to put other things in the gap where work would be if I wasn't doing what I'm doing now. I know it's appreciated very much by that child or it would be much harder.

For me is just about money. If you can afford it there is no reason for not doing it.

I'm a 'SAHM' to an 18 year old at uni and a 23 year old who's back home after graduating and she's working full time.
I'm so glad that the term 'SAHM' wasn't around in my 'active' parenting years.

Circumstances meant that DH worked away for many years so it all fell to me.
I'm kind of sad I've missed out in not pursuing my pre DC career but have absolutely no regrets.
It's been a relatively recent thing where I'm asked 'what do you do'.
I just answer that I don't work.
Conversation quickly moves on.
My head is not full of mush and I can still participate in discussions.
I'm not the sum of being a SAHM just as my friends are not the sum of their jobs.
I'm a vital part of my family. Always on call for those random phone calls from DC about one drama or another, always on hand for all of life's admin and always greet my DH when he comes home from work with a GnT and a home cooked meal (that last one was obviously a joke!).
I live my life as I see fit.
I'm incredibly happy that women have the choices we didn't have previously and respect everyone's individual choices.
Luckily I've never encountered any negativity but if I were to it would be water off a ducks back.
I'm happy with my life choices and they certainly have no bearing on my DC ambition or from what they want out of life

As long as you aren't claiming benefits in order to stay at home, its no one elses business.

Claiming bens when theres no reason you can't work is not on.

This stands for whether someone has children or not too.

I should add that now DC don't need me to be as hands on we got a puppy.
So I guess I'm officially a SAHPM'!
(Stay at home puppy mummy 😂)

You could call me a SAHM as that’s where I am Monday - Friday. DH is the much higher earner, so it makes sense for me to be at home during the week, so that I can be there during school holidays etc.
but, I do work part time too. I work night shifts at the weekend. I am still able to spend time with my children/husband during the weekend and we often do days outs and meeting with friends and family.

I guess it’s a choice you’ve made and you shouldn’t care about what others think. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one.

Thing is, not all SAHMs do so by choice, and you can't always tell this. Like another PP, I used to work (had a better job than DH), and did so till DC3 was age 4. But I've been at home now for 13 years due to DC3s (invisible) disability. There is absolutely no way I could have considered working until a few months ago. Now it's a glimmer of a possibility, but realistically I'm going to be trying to get back into work at age 55+. And I'm really not sure how possible that is going to be. But my point was that even most people who know me don't have a clue just how time intensive and mentally exhausting it is caring for a DC with SEN. I don't tell people why I am at home, except to say I look after DD who has difficulties. I am under no illusion that if you met me I am likely to be one of those parents you are a bit judgemental of.

I don't care whether someone is a SAHM, only seems silly long term past the age when children are you in the context of:
• people increasingly choosing not to get married, so it's not like they would have any claim to a partner's assets upon divorce
• how high divorce / separation rates are
• how few men pay child maintenance and therefore the state / taxpayer ends up picking up the slack
• the levels of child poverty that results from the above situation, so the child loses out with single mother whose dad won't pay child maintenance...

No issue with married SAHM who are in partnership with their husband who covers their household costs

Those people are lucky they don't get it.

I'm in a similar position. Just yesterday I was thinking that maybe I could start to think about a day a week when something came up - and I realised it was a pipe dream. So on we go while making the most of it and making sure we have fun.

I completely agree about choices v circumstances. The choice is made in context of finances, health (our own and DCs), any SEN, if there is another partner/parent supporting family and in what capacity, etc.

Hi op, I have a different set up. Sahd and I’m career person. My husband gets a lot of flack and it does annoy me. It’s a family choice and people shouldn’t feel the need to judge.
We have school and pre school ages and I think probably when youngest at school we may review it again, mainly as I think he would like to work ( perhaps due to the societal expectations and pressures)?
Personally, at the moment it is an enormous weight off not having to do all the cleaning, cooking , school runs etc. I am very hands on around work hours though.
People like to judge others and are probably wondering what you do all day etc if child is at school. You’re maintaining the house and training for a career by the sounds of it , so it’s not like you’re lying about watching tv !
I chose to continue my career, mainly because I don’t like to be dependent on anyone and am realistic that marriages can end. I also wanted my daughters to see me working particularly, although at their current ages they think my job is dull and I’m not playing enough!