Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

What’s there to manage if they are not working?

As working parents DH and I juggle annual leave and holiday clubs. It’s fine.

@Thefirstime I’ve also made key sacrifices along the way that many I know have not..

Hmm. I'd be wary of thinking like that. Nobody genuinely has it all and everybody will have made sacrifices of one sort or another. Just as I am sure you have made sacrifices, I'm sure the "many I know have not" have also made sacrifices - just ones that, for whatever reason, you don't or won't see.

Did you read what I wrote ? Also many other women I know feel the same. Perhaps people are not in fulfilling jobs

A break from the norm is great - you get to spend them with family or doing things you wouldn't normally get to do, but going to work isn't a bit rubbish - it's generally enjoyable (or it should be), it provides challenges and opportunities, and it gives you money at the end of the month that provides a standard of living that enables you to do the things you enjoy, pays the bills and facilitates independence. Thorpe park is lovely once in a while but I wouldn't want to go every day, and spas are my idea of hell.

You're right, the majority of people would probably give up work if they won they lottery but they wouldn't then spend it cleaning the house, ferrying kids to places or going to the gym. If they've got any sense they'd spend it doing far more fulfilling things - and a lottery win takes you into the realms of wealth most SAHPs don't. If I won the lottery and gave up my job I wouldn't be financially dependent on DH, I'd still be financially independent.

Claiming people are just jealous of SAHM is untrue - the people I know at work and my friends are delighted they have the opportunity to get out of the house and do something they enjoy whilst getting paid for it - and I'm not sure why it's one that's always used by SAHMs on these threads.

I genuinely never enjoyed any of my jobs. They were "good" ones as well.

I’m sorry to hear that - but I’m sure you understand that others do enjoy their jobs and everything they provide, and that not everyone who WOH is jealous of SAHM as has been claimed on this thread and the many other threads on the topic.

I do, and I've said as much extensively on this thread.

As said previously, I think a lot of it seems to come down to people not understanding that different things might make others happy that wouldn't make them happy.

A mix of annual leave and holiday clubs. DH and I get 12 weeks of holiday a year between us. We usually take a couple of weeks off together for family holidays but the rest we use separately to cover school holidays. The kids do a few weeks of holiday clubs a year, which they really enjoy. They do things like drama, forest skills, craft, sports clubs. It isn't that hard to manage tbh.

Uni work, stuff for my two volunteer roles, also means I can prep stuff for school activities etc that I would otherwise have to do after-work, go to the cinema, see friends, take the kids to hospital appts that id otherwise have to book leave for. Being a SAHM doesn't mean I'm just parked on the sofa mindlessly staring at the TV or darning DHs socks by hand.

As I said when you asked this earlier in the thread ...

Personally I get 45 days leave a year, so 9 weeks. My husband gets 6 weeks. Holiday club currently costs £25 a day (8am-6pm) so if you've been used to paying nursery fees it's a bargain.

So most of it was covered by leave from work. The odd extra week in holiday club.

Or is that not the answer you wanted to hear?

@Thefirstime - we managed school holidays with paid childcare/au pairs once both DCs were at school/holiday clubs etc.

@SirChenjins
I’m not a stay at home mum, I wish I could be, I am a bit jealous but I don’t see the reality of it, I’m sure it’s got it’s own downsides.

Perhaps it’s just me and the rest of humanity is in deeply fulfilling jobs with a great work life balance. You don’t have to enjoy work and be fulfilled for it to be valuable and worthwhile and for it to need to be done. You can work, like the money, like the colleagues, but still wish you were at home with your kids.
Look at teaching. That appears to be very unsatisfying based on mumsnet threads. Or medicine. Or working in a job centre or a shop.

I'm sure it's not just you @Coatsoff42 ! Most jobs have their downsides, that's just life, but the assertion seen on here and other threads on the topic that people (women) who work are jealous of other women who stay at home is plain bonkers.

Well, yes then @SirChenjins i agree not all women are jealous, being a sahm would probably drive me insane. But the OP asked why she gets some negative comments and that was my opinion on why some people would comment negatively.
Not everyone is as content as you, or as polite as you and me.

I was speaking more generally about the ‘jealousy’ comment tbh, although I know you did mention it - a few posters on here have asserted that it must be because the people commenting must be jealous. Other threads have similar claims made - as if it couldn’t possibly be anything else.

Other reasons would be (imo) contempt, pity, concern over making poor choices. I do think jealousy or envy are most likely.

Not that these are fair or valid reasons, just if you are looking for reasons why people make negative comments, what do you think they would be if not jealousy?

As someone who isn’t the least bit jealous of sahm I would suggest concern for their lack of financial independence, lack of pension contributions and reduction in employability. Basic stuff really.

I don’t for a minute automatically think ‘ooh, jealousy’.

As a SAHM, I have financial independence as I have my own savings, my DH pays into my pension, and I maintain employability with freelance work in my previous field.

Putting it down to jealousy or envy, suggests that those people wanted to be a sahp but couldn’t. That’s often not the case.

When part time working mothers or sahp make snarky comments to me about working, I don’t assume jealousy. I can’t see why it would be more commonly jealousy the other way round

And that’s very sensible - you have savings, you’re keeping your pension contributions paid (I highlighted the importance of that in an earlier post) and you’re working at some level to maintain employability. Other women who stay at home may not be doing any of that and that’s why people who know them may be concerned for them.

I don't think that people with genuine concern about someone's financial security etc would react that strongly to someone else's life choices. For some reason SAHPs evoke a much stronger response than someone choosing a badly paid career, overstretching themselves financially or making other questionable financial decisions.

Personally I think the hatred of SAHPs is not necessarily driven by jealousy but fear and guilt. Fear that women choosing to be SAHPs will drag all women back to the 1950s and detriment the hard won career and financial gains women enjoy now. There is a sentiment that women can't show a chink in their feminist armour when it comes to striving towards equality with men which to them means financial equality and therefore independence. The argument about feminism being about women being empowered to make their own choices does not wash with these people as they can't accept a woman choosing to rely financially on a man. That to them in anti-feminist and therefore a threat.

I think the guilt sometimes comes from women either not wanting to be SAHPs or not being in the position to be one. They secretly fear that it is in some ways a good setup and perhaps better for the children but for whatever reason it wouldn't work for them personally. Rather than just accept that this is just how it is and all families make compromises, they want to tear down SAHPs to make themselves feel better. It isn't really what someone who is secure in their life choices would do as they would be content with their own decisions and less concerned with what others are doing. Unfortunately society works hard to make sure all mothers feel deeply insecure and that whatever they are doing isn't quite good enough.

Because women can’t win no matter what they do. Women who work and use childcare are judged too. Ignore the haters and do whatever if best for your family.

Its society and brainwashing by government.
The time you spend with your child at home is PRICELESS.
You are the richest person I 'know'
You will look back at this time and relish that time.
Enjoy it and never let anyone disuade you .
In my mind this is what is meant to be for ultimate happiness.
The younger years will fly by and you will wonder where they went, its over so soon.
You will go through life with no in introspection.
Working full time is not all its cracked up to be.
Leave it to men .

@Bumpitybumper Threat? Fear? Hatred? React strongly? I’m on my phone so can’t really face typing responses to each point in your long post, but suffice to say I disagree with what you’re saying.

Good one @Vonesk

Have zero family support either but also still manage to both work and run our house and look after our kids. Yes it’s hard, but we still manage to pick them up from school every day and do bed time and keep the house clean etc etc. in the holidays we either use annual leave or kids clubs? That’s surely not an excuse for not working?

I get why one might not earn enough to justify sending a kid to nursery, but from school age I don’t understand how one can just opt out from contributing to society. If your one child is at school and you have no job, what do you do all day? Genuinely curious and would love an insight into your day as it might help allay some of the judgement that working parents feel if they better understood it.