Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

Do better.

My best friend only works 3 days a week and I feel a tiny bit judgemental because I feel like that’s unfair on her partner who works long hours to pay a higher share of their expenses. Her DD is in school and she could work more but doesn’t want to. I have always worked full time and value my career so it is hard to relate to women in a different situation. But I would never openly express this to anyone accept anonymously on here. It definitely isn’t jealousy though, the thought of being dependent on a man fills me with dread. I love the feeling of being secure and independent financially through my own hard work.

😁

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I think in terms of feminism and equality that being a sahm is not a great role model for young girls. It pigeon holes women into being mums, cooks and cleaners.
if you can afford to not work then why not work part time and let your partner also work part time. Isn’t it fairer to share the responsibility with your partner?

Fear based thinking?

So you don’t have house insurance? Life insurance?

I think it comes down to jealousy, well on my part anyway.😒 I would love to have been a sahm but didn't get the choice.
Enjoy while you can👌

I am a working mum and I couldn’t disagree more. Sahp can be great roles models. They can also be poor role models. Same for working parents. Working doesn’t mean you are automatically a good role model. It doesn’t mean you are a bad one.

Being a role model is so much more complex than that.

I would hope that my sons get the opportunity to be part time SAHP, working alongside their partners so that both get to spend time with the kids. That would be fair - if that’s what they both want.
I have a friend who gave up work and her partner does not agree with this decision. Finances are very tight and they feel very responsible. Whatever decisions are made communication is important.

I get why some people might be concerned about financial dependence etc but honestly, I have no issue with SAHM’s. If you’re happy, then that’s amazing - both my husband and I wish the other made enough money to support the other to be a SAHP! You keep on doing you and try to let it wash over you. It must be really hard to grit your teeth and smile through the judgement, though!

DH and I are in our 60s and 50s respectively and are pretty much through the child rearing days ((17,24 & 27). The one thing I’ve learned is that it makes not a jot of difference whether you stayed at home or worked - not to your children’s attainment or achievements or to your marriage. I look at the peers of my eldest 2 and I can’t remember if their mums stayed at home or worked - they have all found their paths in life and are all well balanced, happy individuals doing their own thing in their own way. Marriages have come and gone, some of us are still together and others are divorced, separated or remarried - again, employed or sah, it made no difference. The only thing I’m glad of is my workplace pension now that retirement in some form is in the next few years - because that future came around a lot quicker than I thought it would!

So, do what makes you happy. Protect yourself financially now and in the future (that’s just common sense), and don’t pass judgement. Some people enjoy working along with raising a family and doing their hobbies etc, others enjoy staying at home along with raising a family and doing their hobbies etc. It doesn’t mean one is necessarily jealous of the other - far from it.

I'd take a guess it's jealousy. Some are not supported to stay at home because finances just don't allow or have a partner who doesn't want them to even if it could possibly be managed financially. That's not a good feeling if you really do want to be at home.

I don't personally have a feeling either way. I tend to feel sorry for kids stuck in childcare 10 hours a day but sometimes there truly is no choice in that. Aside from that, each to their own 🤷‍♀️

if you can afford to not work then why not work part time and let your partner also work part time. Isn’t it fairer to share the responsibility with your partner?

That's a simplistic view imo. My dh works 60 plus hours a week. He has no intention or desire to reduce his hours. Any suggestion that we should both work part time has been met with amusement.

That's before we get to the fact that his employers (who are excellent in many ways) won't let his grade work part time (a factor in why their senior staff are mostly male). There is a business case apparently for full time staff with the ability to travel at short notice. He gets flexible working, regular payrises and bonuses as compensation.

Also the lack of part time jobs and childcare in rural locations needs considering. Our school doesn't have breakfast club or after school club. Demand outstrips availability for childminders. The nearest town is around a 20 min drive away so allowing for morning traffic 30 mins, so return that's already an hour out of the 6 hours and 15 mins the children are at school.

I don't think it's jealousy. I think it's born from the same place as all the other threads complaining about people not paying tax that are springing up at the moment. The cost of living crisis is making people look at those who aren't paying taxes.

Do you mind if I use your flying flamingoes line? I love it! It lightens the mood but gets the point across!!

Women in 2024 can be who they want to be. Do what you need to do 😍

Good for you. You’re choosing what you want to do for your family. I’m sure there are lots of other mums out there who would like to be in your position but don’t have the choice. The ‘just a housewife’ prejudice seemed to me to begin with women’s lib late 1960’s. I’ve always thought it’s supercilious and condescending to women doing the most important job in the world - bringing up their children themselves. If other women feel differently their choices are what feels right for them, it’s not necessary for anyone to feel inferior.

See this makes me laugh to be honest.

and proof that it doesn’t matter what you do, people like to have a dig.

My kids have never been in childcare 10 hours a day as me and exh worked working the kids. Me during the day, him in is restaurant at night. However, the whole ‘I feel sorry for kids stuck in childcare 10 hours a day, but if you have no choice to each their own’

Why do you feel sorry for them? And if you think there’s an impact, there’s an impact whether it’s through choice or not.

But you have a sly dig at people who go might choose this. Then add to each their own. But you don’t think to each their own. If it’s only ok when there’s no other choice, that’s not ‘to each their own’. That’s ‘I wouldn’t judge if they have no other choice but would judge if they do have a choice’

Not sure everyone agrees that being up children is the most important job in the world.

Yes I do all of that! Also due to the large 9 year age gap between our 2 kids we often feel the juggle of the 6am-7pm (except school hours) hands on parenting of our little one vs the taxi needs of our teen who has many evening and weekend sports events/competitions/school events. We often have to take a divide and conquer approach for that. As a result I am always busy, although I really value all the other things I achieve during the week when they are at school around the housework (which honestly I do find the boring bit but hey doesn’t everyone have boring aspects to their job?!).
We are lucky that my DH has a job based on results rather than clocking in/out at certain times so he can be flexible. He does work long hours, often til 10/11pm a few nights a week, but then is able to have beers one night and play footie another (collecting big DD from her club on the way home at 9pm). He is also able to stop working and help out with club runs etc. and then go back to work after if needs be.

I agree there are not many men in my role, although I do know a couple and they are just as good at it as their female counterparts. I hope in the future the balance will be better as women who really value their career should be supported to succeed too. But I do think it’s great if someone is at home prioritising the needs of the kids, and honestly I love it!! Just wanted to say that it is more than just housework and nappies these days 🤣
And hey, the great thing about having had a previous career is that I know my own value in the workplace and it is something I can return to when the time is right. I definitely dont intend to sit on my arse doing nothing once the kids become independent!

Completely agree with you. A role model for you daughter means demonstrating CHOICE and happiness and empowering her to do what works for her. She wants to work full time in chosen career? Cool! Wants a few years not doing that and enjoying all the baby/kid stuff during the week? Awesome! Bring your daughters up to be confident, open-minded and thoughtful.

My mum worked full time and was v successful. I admired her but she was always so stressed. I didn’t want that. But I also think it’s very cool that my friends keep working full time! We can appreciate both. It’s like how I admire both my friend who outperforms the men and make heaps of money in finance AND admire my friend who’s a nurse. They’re both incredible and I couldn’t do either. I also genuinely love being at home ATM. It’s so lovely. I’m a massive introvert and feel I’m making more impact here atm. I’ve spent so much of my life working and I’ll be back again next year. The judgement is gross. I still feel guilty about being at home. I also feel guilty about going back next year.

we make it really easy for men to sit there laughing at working mums and sahm being nasty to each other. They don’t exact give a shit.

Just plain jealous - nothing more. Do what's right for you and your family.

You must have a sad relationship if you feel that you are only interesting to your partner because of your career! Honestly, OP don’t listen to this, your worth is not only your paid job!!!!!!
I said 9-3 was my opportunity for downtime, not that that was all I do! The reality is that a lot of that time is filled with productive house/life maintenance that my DH then doesn’t have to do, plus the 13 weeks a year that I have the kids on holidays where I actually enrich their lives by being present!

And does your DH not enrich their lives by working?

Do people really find talking about their jobs that interesting? My DH is a software engineer. Before I became a SAHM I was an HR Director. I can only assume other people have more interesting jobs than we do. What are you all - MI6 agents? Marine biologists? Bounty hunters???

If you are able to work bit don’t then it is tax payers business. I’d have loved to stay a home but o worked instead of claiming.