Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

@sahmlifeofluxury

9-3! Isn’t it such a short day?! Especially when thinking of work/commuting! When I had my part time job last year, I struggled managing the pick ups and stuff around it.. my DC has had a fair amount of time off for being poorly too. Which in the end, is the reason I left my job..

@avajamesbee absolutely agree with this!!! Spot on

id love a well paid part time job!! There impossible u less you have a very specialised skill set to offer..

Seriously, a lot of working mums would love to be a SAHM. I think the negativity comes from jealousy so don’t take it personally. I’d love to be able not to work but can’t afford not to. There’s nothing wrong in being a SAHM if you can afford not to work, you’re a lucky lady!

And I'm telling them it's incorrect, so next time they're used correctly. Unless you don't think accuracy is important.

Homeschooling is when a child is not physically in school for whatever reason, but they are still registered with a school and the school sets work for them.

Home education is when a child is not registered at a school at all and education is wholly the responsibility of the parent.

It's an important distinction because they're not the same thing.

@MrsZargon

absolutely agree.. I don’t stop tbh and am trying to start a side business.. when I was working part time it felt like a break!! But I was absolutely still covering off all the life admin, child, cooking, household stuff and my partner had to do more pick ups and drop offs too.. it’s easier having me SAH

If people are asking you rude, judgemental and intrusive questions I would tell them firmly to back off.

jealousy

People take issue with some SAHM usually when - they do very little during the day (I know loads of primary school mums whose husband drop kids and stay in bed till 11, they go to the gym, for lunch/coffee and finally they pick up kids at 3, when kids go to secondary they do literally nothing all day) - spend their husband money - they criticise working mum feeling superior cause they can spend more hours with the kids.
my experience is if no one of the above it is true people do not have issue with SAHM

30 hours a week of down time is insane - I find it laughable that you equate doing mornings and evenings the equivalent of a real job. It’s just not. Working parents do all that you do and their jobs on top too. You’re just opting out of working so don’t pretend like it’s the same.

I’d find that so unattractive in a partner and you can bet if a woman was in here describing her husband doing the same there would be a mumsnet pile on calling him a lazy waste of space.

I think this is why you see working dads cheat, because they secretly resent the Sahm and end up finding her boring / ultimately run off with the dynamic colleague at work.

I think if you feel good about your decisions then you don’t mind people asking after them. So the discomfort probably is a projection from how you feel about it - I’d listen to that.

TBH most people work hard right, no matter what you do or how you earn your keep.. everyone (esp. with kids) grinds it through whether SAH or working and I honestly believe staying a sane, calm, non-angry parent is really high up on the priority list..

To have own time and space should be thought of as a priority as a parent and as a direct need.. to be a better parent/person..

it’s about choices we make too.. I know many parents who would never think of SAH as it’s not what they know or would be comfortable with..

we have to understand some have more wealth and others less.. that’s life.. it shouldn’t cause such animosity.. it’s a fact of life.. being a parent is made easier with more income again whether working or SAH..

kids = money

I agree about vulnerability but surely that’s not being present that’s projecting in the future, that’s fear based thinking.. and hopefully your partner wouldn’t be shit enough to leave OH destitute..

I've done both. Worked and had a very short stint as a sahm. The only time I have an issue with sahm's is when they say how hard it is. It's really not. It's much easier than working full time and having to do to everything for children and home on top of that.

Affairs happen regardless of whether you are a SAHM or a full time working mum. From observation, the difference is that it can be either partner that strays. The distance between the marriage partners is just as big, but with more access to the outside world women are no longer truly stay at home.

Haven't you worked it out yet? Women are going to be criticised no matter what we do! The trick is to not give a shite what anyone else thinks! 😊

Plenty of men with working wives have affairs, what a bizarre comment.

Tbf, th poster who claimed it was because of the distance between her sah mother and her working father did point out that the woman he ran off with was someone he met at work. Affairs happen for all sorts of reasons - they’re not more or less likely to happen because a parent sah and has hobbies or goes out to work, and the fact that it was even brought into the discussion is bizarre to me.

Enjoy your recuperation, if and when your ready work is always there, your health is precious, fragile and deserves tlc.

I'm a sahm and ppl often are delighted and very positive about it, I find that strange too.

Only my best friend, who I trained with took a negative view and forgot the years she had off while her 2 were younger.
Oh and my sil, who keep sending my ads for work, in the wrong field of work! (Childless, works 60 hours plus, moans the school finishes at 3 should finish at 5 so her staff can stay on ft)

So jealously is high up there.

Jealousy. I have never been a SAHM and I would have loved it, at least for 3-4 years. I envied SAHMs. I knew I just had to suck it up.
And don’t listen to anyone who says SAHMs are busy etc etc Bullshit. It’s f**king hard work looking after a family and working F/T.

I guess it all stems for women fighting for equal rights, to go to work, be paid the same as men etc. That doesn't mean there shouldn't be a choice, more that we have the opportunity to do so, as with voting.

Huge steps were made so we can also have well paid careers and it's so sad so many bright women in the past weren't allowed this opportunity unless from a very wealthy background. It also means men had total control due to finances and their partners and many abused this position.

Now, things have changed a lot and with it there has been a transition in expectations for wives/girlfriends to have more power and responsibility for their own finances and work so as not be left vulnerable.

As with anything in society, it all depends on individual circumstances. If you're in a loving relationship and your partner happily supports his family and to be able to be a sahm is wonderful for everyone.

While working and the pride, forming relationships, making a difference in a lot of jobs that comes from it is one thing, I do believe many women would also love to be a sahm and so likely some of the comments you are getting are jealousy, concern you're not experiencing the full life available and worry about being totally dependant on DP.

So pros and cons but if you have the opportunity to be able to afford to be a sahm then it really is the best thing for your dc to be there for, having time to keep on top of maintenance a household and opportunity, if wanted, for much needed and rewarding voluntary work. Being a Mum and housewife is a combined job which can take up all of your time though of course and no you shouldn't feel guilty, ignore them, everyone needs to do what is best for themselves. Enjoy it! Xx

It’s a touch of the green eyed monster OP. Don’t worry about it - you don't need to justify your choices.

It’s really not jealousy. How many times do posters have to say that before it will penetrate?

Is it important? In the context?

No because either way a child is at home. Which is what the discussion was about.

context is important. And the context was talking about kids being at home. Not how their education comes about.

Is that you Willoughby?

I think people always compare others or have expectations of people akin to their circumstances and themselves.

I do it myself, i instinctively relate to a person based on my experience and sympathise with how i imagine i would feel in their situation. Bluntly i don't have a clue, i can't see in their head and feel how they feel.

But every family is different. Some children have disabilities and have higher needs. Working mums all do different jobs too, some physically demanding, some more mental. Peoples coping abilities and their own health varies also. If you found it easy that is your experience, it might not be the same for another mum, in a different job or with different individuals in their household of varying needs.

At the end of a day a lazy person will be lazy whereever. You ever had that colleague that constantly disappears? Or somehow you've found their workload on your desk? You feel exhausted non stop working, turn around and they are making the 3rd tea round having a natter?

Some Sahms may have kids at school and spend the day chilling. Others may be constantly cleaning, cooking everything from scratch, gardening then volunteering. You just don't know and can't judge a family you don't even live with.

So i think everyone just has to live their life how they feel fit, to their own expectations and take random bobby down the roads opinions with a pinch of salt.