Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

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Its what works for you family that matters. Not what other people think. Many would love to be able to stay home. I think what people are saying affects you because of the PND. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home parent

No different now than when I used to stand at the school gates 35 years ago with my first child, the amount of working parents who used to look down their nose at you because you didn’t work!

I don't think it's unfair at all for one person to shoulder the financial responsibility if the other partner is running the household and sorting the dc out. My dh works outside the home and I work inside the home making sure everything runs smoothly. Cooked dinners, cleaning, all the school stuff, appointments etc . Yes my dc are at school between 9-3 and I get to enjoy my life .. for which I am hugely grateful for . .if anyone wants to begrudge me that do it in your own time and space 🤣

It’s no one else business. If I could afford to not work I wouldn’t either 😊

It doesn't matter what you do as a mother there will always be someone to moan.

You're a SAHM, you're not providing for your child.
You're a working mum, you don't spend time with your kids and you ship them off to strangers

You can't win, so ignore it.

What an interesting and necessary contribution to the conversation 🙄 Someone querying or showing concern for friends and family members that may be in a vulnerable situation doesn't mean they have to make it their business. Even asking out of curiosity what someone's plans are is not making their life your business. OP didn't suggest she was being harassed by someone making her situation their business in fact she hasn't even told us what these people are saying or who they are to her.

What is your plan for retirement? Because you not working now means that your husband will either need to work for years longer than he would if you were working, or you will have less money available to live on when he retires. Two big motivations for me working are to be able to help the children when they are at university, and to reduce the number of years we both need to work before we can retire.
Edit to say I think everyone should do what works for their family, of course - our choices work for us but might not for others. I read this back and it sounded more judgemental than I'd intended.

So long as someone is working to support the family then no judgement from me, but if there is no income coming in and you’re relying on the state I would judge. When there are genuine reasons not to work then no judgement, but if you’re able and choice not to, but don’t have savings or a partner to finance that then I’d nudge

*choose
*judge, not nudge!

It’s not uncommon OP. I’m currently on a career break short term due to stress. It angers me the most coming from my mother and MIL who did stay at home so don’t actually know what they’re talking about. In a lot of ways their generation had it easier, our generation have less choice because most people, me included, have to work.

If you’re getting it from the older generation I’d wager some of it is due to them feeling they didn’t have opportunities. If you’re getting it from a your own age I’d say it could be lots of things - people who love their jobs not understand why you don’t want to work, people concerned about your financial dependency and people who are burnt out and envious.

Exactly, why are people so intent on giving their opinion on other peoples lives. They should concentrate on their own affairs and but out of other people's

It's entirely up to you and your partner to decide what works best for your family. However, I do think being a stay at home parent after your child has started school is lazy. Not an opinion I would volunteer unless I was asked for it but you seem to want honesty.

Nowt wrong with being lazy if you can afford to be.

Most of the holiday clubs around here are only 9am to 3pm so I still don't get it, how does that work if you have a 9 to 5?

Anyway, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't op so I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone I know with kids is part time max

I'm not a SAHM out of choice. I do have the option not to work.

Doesn't stop me from being insanely jealous of SAHM sometimes.

I would be useless at it but I do envy them.

Also I don't assume that it's out of choice either. Plenty of women give up their opportunity to work because of caring for SEN children or sick parents or their own health. I'm sure they look upon my life and my healthy children with envy.

I don't judge though.

Our holiday club runs 8am-6pm during the holidays. The same company runs after-school club during term time.

But if you have a holiday club that doesn't cover your working hours you

• take annual leave at a different time to your partner
• use a childminder to drop off and pick up
• ask friends to drop off and pick up
• ask family to drop off and pick up
• enjoy the fact that one or both of you works shifts and you don't both work 9-5
• arrange to work from home for some or all of the time
• adjust your working hours so that you can start or finish early
• work half-days and take the other half as annual leave

Obviously not everyone has all of those options open to them and I'm actually lucky that most of them were open to me, although I've never used a childminder or asked friends to help. There are probably other alternatives I've not thought of.

But that is basically your answer in a nutshell.

It's lucky I work shifts then because that's the only option out of those that's available 😂 its a bit shit though. I think there is one holiday club with longer hours but everything near us is insanely over subscribed and annual leave is about 3 weeks short

well depends if you are relying on benefits? Otherwise relying on a partner means you have no financial security or independence. If your relationship is secure then i don’t see an issue with it.

Absolutely! Not sure I would be working if I could afford a nice enough standard of living without it. But I also wouldn't be on Mumsnet questioning why some people had feelings about it 🤣

They are generally trying to justify their own decisions - which is unnecessary and ridiculous as no two people have the same life/priorities.

Yes, personal financial security is important, but so is your wellbeing. You’ll go back to paid work when you are ready to.

I was a SAHM for 4 years and they were 4 of the best years of my life. You never get them back. Doesn’t mean I think everyone should do the same. You do you.

It’s not jealousy. I love my job, I find it fulfilling and interesting and it also pays well (unlike an interesting or fulfilling hobby).

I think it’s odd someone would choose not to work at all while their child is at school. But if they have the means then they can do what they like, it’s just not something I would choose.

I don’t know any working mothers who are especially interested in what SAHMs do or do not do.

They assume because you don’t work you are living off benefits and they think that when your child is in school you could be working so you don’t have to claim to benefits.

Pay no attention, our society makes us mums feel that there is no value in being home makers these days. It absolutely isn’t true. I’ve been a parent for almost 14 years and have tried it both ways, and I can honestly say that as a family unit we are much happier if I take the home maker role! Yes it’s old fashioned but I honestly feel lucky to be able to be at home when the kids need me (even though they are at school now I feel they still need me more than ever in the evenings/holidays), and it takes the pressure off my DH as I do pretty much all of the housework/life maintenance jobs which then leaves him free outside of his high pressured 9-5 job to have family/self care time. I actually do work a little bit now, just a few hours inside the school day a couple of days a week, but I have no ambition to return to a “career” job for the foreseeable future! You do what makes you and your family happy!