Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

Jealousy, why are sahm constantly saying this haha. I had a choice to be a sahm as did my friends and we chose not to.

See I applaud this honesty and wish you well.

What really annoys me is when you see ppl on here saying they’re a SAHM because they just have oh so much housework and cooking to do, they couldn’t possibly work and they’re SO busy - when their kids are school age or even teens and they’ve got the whole day to do whatever. It pisses me off because it’s bullshit. The rest of us manage that stuff whilst having to work. Wish they would just be honest like this pp - it sounds lush.

One person, who admits they don't have much going on, does not represent all SAHM's. They're as unique as working Mums. Or should I tap into a post where a working Mum states how much easier she finds work over being SAHM and say, "See, this is honest, working Mums do find it easier!"

It’s because you are female and anything and everything you will ever do is wrong and the people who will criticise you the most will be other women.

Just remember. You need to be at home raising your children because to go to work is being a neglectful mother but you also at work earning your own money because if you live off your husbands salary then you are lazy and are setting a bad example to your children. You also need to be present for your children with a nicely decorated tidy house and cook healthy meals from scratch. You need to be modest and supportive of your husband but f* him like a pornstar whenever HE wants it. Don’t ever say you like sex. That makes you a whore. (But don’t say you don’t like it because then you are frigid- poor hubby!) Don’t gain weight because you will be fat. Don’t lose weight because you will be skinny. Don’t wear make up because natural is better but do put some make up because you look like you let yourself go etc etc etc etc I don’t think I need to continue.

OP, do what makes you happy and ignore anybody who thinks they have a right to give an opinion on how you live your life. It’s just noise.

Working daily with divorced women or in the process my issue is you are loosing your independence, probably delaying or killing your career and putting yourself in a very vulnerable position . Would I say this to any friend who decided to stay at home ? Absolutely not ! I would respect it’s what they want .
would I be very upset if all my daughter where was SAHM’s , yes I would

If you actually read my post I’m talking about SAHMs who have school age kids/teens. Or are you going to pretend being a SAHM with teenagers is the same as a SAHM with pre schoolers?

Both very different and, tbh, I think teenagers probably need a parent available to them more than preschoolers do.

I have a toddler and will soon have a newborn too. In real life the only reaction I’ve had to people hearing I’m a SAHM is ‘I wish I could do that!’, maybe they’re just holding back though as online it’s different, you hear you’re a scrounger, lazy, husband will leave and you’ll be homeless because you were so stupid, your kids would see you as more of a role model if you worked full time, whatever.

I don’t really give a fuck what anyone thinks though, didn’t have a ‘career’ to speak of prior to having my child and my wages would be half what full time childcare for both would be, and yes I am sacrificing workplace pension contributions as well as yearly pay increases etc etc, but it’s a choice we made as a family, most importantly it was what I wanted to do. I do pay into an ISA monthly as I’m (still) not sure what to do about a private pension. My husband is a very present parent, a considerate partner & just a good egg really. There’s just our little unit - no family nearby - and we make a great team.

Each to their own tbh, there’s always going to be something about the way someone else parents that people don’t agree with, but it’s not really anyone else’s business is it?

As a mother I am in no way jealous of you, your kids are school age there’s no reason you can’t be working and having your own money. If your husband ups and leaves you, what will you do?!

Lucky you and your friends. I don’t know many people who love their jobs at all.

Yeah, the very real, genuine concern for this posters well being is just dripping off you here 😂

Yes, we are lucky. I’m sorry the people you know don’t have the same experience - could they retrain or move into a different area?

I agree with this actually, so many people basically think teens can just be left to fend for themselves.

I think some people view it as either being lazy or they’re jealous of stay at home mothers deep down. I am neither, I think every family is different and some may think I’m lazy because I choose to work part time instead of full time. I have more time with my kids but we do rely on my pay into the household too. I think everyone should do what feels best for their family.

The only concern I would have is not having a pension and those who would have no financial freedom if a marriage were to break down, but it’s different from women to women.

Unless there is a need for caring responsibility I do think it’s unfair for the pressure for providing financially for the family to be on one person, when both have the ability to work

We both work, and fortunate to love our jobs, but I think both of us would feel put out if one of us was working all day while the other wasn’t. It was a conversation we had early on and agreed how our family would work

Also I was brought up to never be financially dependent on anyone so there is no way I could feel comfortable in life not having my own income

For my DH and I this was a joint decision, as much his as mine. He doesn't resent me for it. Just because you would feel resentful doesn't mean that's how everyone else feels or would feel.

Just because you would feel resentful doesn't mean that's how everyone else feels or would feel.

Well done for staying the obvious 🙄

This is a discussion forum where people give their views, I was only giving mine. If it’s different from yours so be it. That’s the point of this

My DH doesn't get to resent being the sole income earner. It's his genetics that gave my child the illness they have that has forced me to quit my much enjoyed career to provide care, that emerged at a time that most people are becoming empty nesters. I'm not complaining but you bet I would have a lot to say if he made an issue of it. There are reasons we decided I'd be the carer but little changed for him as a result.

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Because people often don't recognise childcare/housework/chores as valuable work since it's mostly done by women. Women are therefore expected to contribute all of that, plus work as well.

The deal you get as a working mother is a completely different one (and much harder) than most working fathers have. Much more pressure needs to be put on men to equalise this and, if this happens, I think SAHPs would be valued more, not less.

But OP, on a previous post you are having issues with your cleaner.

So you dont do the cleaning chores,
Your sons in school all day
And your wife pays all the bills.

I can see why people raise an eyebrow when you claim to be a full time mum.

Just be careful your wife doesnt get burn out.

Either way, not their business

Have no issue at all with SAHM, if you can afford it and it's what you want then brilliant. Tbh if I could afford it I would prob do it too although I do enjoy that bit of adult contact that work brings. I am part time which works for me just about although I still feel a bit stretched sometimes on sorting the kids stuff out.

This is a good post 👍🏻

You don’t know someone’s circumstances, even if totally dependant on state benefits they could have health issues, disabled or elderly parents to care for etc. It’s also easy to say that people should work once child at school but it’s not easy to find jobs that fit around those hours, after school clubs are often full or non existent and holiday clubs don’t always cover a full working day, if you don’t have family or friends to help you out with childcare it’s really difficult