Why do ppl take issue with Stay at Home Mothers?

[Thefirstime]

one child, stay at home parent, child now school age.. choosing not to go back to work right now but look after my family/food/house/clean..look after myself too (which went right out the window)

I had PND and anxiety so am recovering.. still have wobbles..

why do people take issue with SAH parents? I do not earn right now but what has that to do with anyone..

really negative responses from family and old friends on my current living situation it sucks..

I don't know why your feigning shock at the fact people have strong responses to SAHPs. Just check out this thread and countless others on MN for proof of this. It's an emotive subject. Some people think SAHPs are fantastic, some hate the role and see it's as regressive. I don't think this is controversial as the same points are made in every similar thread that's posted on here.

I accept that you disagree with my theories about the motives behind people's feelings but I don't accept that my assessment of the response to SAHPs is inaccurate.

I think those who have a disabled child that requires more input than others can legitimately explain why it might not work for the family to both be working full throttle.

But if the kids are all at school during the day, what does a sham mum do all day if your partner is doing the cleaning and cooking too?

Curious what your contributions to society are; do you mean like voluntary work or charitable stuff ?

A lot of parents would love to spend more time with their kids instead of working. I would expect it’s jealousy from most.

I’m not feigning shock @Bumpitybumper I’m questioning your choice of language in response to my post which was in response to a specific question from a pp.

I'd probably just quietly judge that were a bit lazy.

And right on cue - ‘jealousy’.

Do you mean me @SirChenjins?

Apologies @hellothere247 , I forgot to hit quote. No, that was in response to @ColesCorner7814

Agree with this

@Manyandyoucanwalkover

I think quite a few SAHMs never had careers or private pensions to begin with, so they're not losing out on that front and childcare costs more than some jobs tbh

I went back to work part-time once DS started school. At every interview, I said I would need to work from home in the school holidays and that work-life balance was the key to my happiness. I was offered every job I interviewed for and manage the school holidays pretty well. DS also has a desk in my home office, where he’ll happily draw, watch the iPad and do various bits and bob. If I didn’t have this kind of flexibility, I would have remained a SAHM.

Probably jealous, it's usually only the very poor or the very rich that have that as an option.

Grandparents and holiday clubs for us. And our own holidays / annual leave.

Good lass. I love it too ❤️

I don’t have an issue with SAHPs but it would worry me if it was a friend or family member.

Once you’ve been on MN for a while you realise how vulnerable being a SAHP leaves you.

This is exactly my situation as well.

I don't think it's necessarily jealousy that they want to be a SAHP or WOHP but that they may be a bit envious of people who have the choice, if they don't feel they do. It's probably not the end situation (home/work) that brings about any jealousy but maybe some envy of having the choice. Some people can't afford to stay home, some can't get out to work due to circumstances.

This. I don't think that SAHMs are doing anything wrong and I recognise that it's nice for the kids to be dropped off and picked up from school by mum and not have to stay out of the home in wraparound care. I also recognise that SAHMs are dependent on their DHs, which makes them vulnerable to financial and other forms of abuse, and that it's harder to return to work after a break.

Sometimes, especially if I've already exceeded my articulating big feelings capacity for the day, that concern for SAHM's safety looks like "you're taking a huge risk, how can you not see it?" instead of "be aware of the risks, try and keep your training up-to-date, and get the CB paid to your account if you don't have a joint account".

Partly I think it's just unusual, certainly round here and in our circles. The vast majority of Mums I know work, either full or part-time.

I think possibly defensiveness is part of it. As a Mum, every choice you make is judged and scrutinised. So someone making a different choice can be taken as an implied criticism of your choice, because a lot of people are very over sensitive about parenting.

The fact that it used to be much more common and is now less so means it can seem old-fashioned/ not progressive. Which some people might take issue with.

Also, I think a lot of working families with young kids feel very stretched. Time, chores, money, childcare, illnesses meaning you have to miss work to pick the kids up etc. Life seems stretched in all directions. So there is, maybe jealousy, maybe curiosity, maybe a sense of superiority, maybe defensiveness?

Sod them, enjoy it while it lasts, before you know it you'll be having to go back to work and juggle family/home/ etc. Maybe they're jealous, I would be!!!!!

Love your time at home, it goes so fast!

People are always, always going to have an opinion. You will be wrong whichever you choose. People will judge whatever you do. Fact. What you CAN do is control how you react. So, smile & ignore.

People spend far too much time worrying & wondering what other people think of them. Not I! I literally could not care less & my life is all the happier & stress free for it

Thats what I said though, often the most vocal in these things could have the choice.

It's funny that this post came up - I am from a culture where it was traditionally the norm for women to be provided for - our mothers were certainly almost all housewives. Regardless of this , my sil (husband's sister) rather lovingly introduced me to someone the other day as someone who 'does absolutely nothing! ' ... granted my 3 dc are all school aged but I did think her choice of words said a lot more about her than it ever will about me 😜

Op id say the issue is mainly of jealously. Smile and let it go.

Disclaimer : my username is not goady, I forgot to add that I was called a lady of luxury in this same conversation hence the name 🤣

@sahmlifeofluxury I think that part of the problem is that some people think that SAHM and "lady of leisure" are synonyms. My recollection of DM's SAHM phase was that she was anything but a lady of leisure!