DH lying about pension payout

[OITNBfanclub]

Urgh. Sitting here in sad fog ☹️
recently my husband enquired about taking his state pension - he’s 67 and still working but also has another pension with his work and we could do with the money now for a variety of reasons we both have talked through at length and agreed on.
a few letters arrived today, all for him. I asked him over dinner if he’d seen them as they sometimes get missed on our cluttered hall table. I thought he looked a bit funny and he said oh yes, it was just our car tax renewal forms. And super fast changed the subject. My spidey senses tingled but I figured he was just hangry /whatever. I went upstairs to run bath and on the way went to lay out my keys and bag for tomorrow and stuffed into the drawer was a letter still sticking out like it was in a rush which was odd, so I took it out and one very quick glance seems to show it’s his pension, with a £9k payment being made this week and I think £814 every month
from now on. I couldn’t believe it, he clearly opened it, lied to me and shoved it away. Why would he lie to me and not share the good news? is he planning on telling me it’s a smaller amount and keeping some aside for 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️And what do I do now, confront him? Or wait for him to hopefully tell me the truth? I just feel really side hit by it ☹️

Literally can think of no reason he wouldn’t tell me straight away “good news, pension letter in, it’s a bit more than we thought so we
can get the carpets done sooner etc”

You are still going to get that money anyway, either way

In what way? It’s his pension being paid into his account, not mine, and I’m so confused why he’s lied about it. Makes me worry he’s planning on telling me it’s a smaller amount and putting some
aside for I dont know what ☹️

That’s strange. Perhaps he has debts you don’t know about. I’d have to say something. Just get it out in the open.

i know suspicions have put you on alert and I’m not saying it’s a little odd but maybe it took him by surprise and he immediately thought of giving you a nice surprise which he’s still planning? Especially if you’ve had worries lately? If he’s usually a good man and trustworthy then perhaps allow him a day or two to see what he does? Or does he possibly have some secret debt that he’s going to pay off and doesn’t want to mention it as he’s going to use the funds for that (perhaps they e caused him worry). Or you could just say you saw the letter sticking out and looked at it - if it wasn’t properly tucked away he hasn’t hidden it and therefore you can’t be accused of snooping. I’m kind of torn as you’re married so in my view things for the house are for the benefit of you both, but then he’d worked hard over the years and maybe he has earmarked it for something in particular?

If it helps for context
we have separate accounts but share all bills and outgoings and this was a totally mutual decision to take his state pension now.

Could it be a running away fund I.e. planning to leave you? Could he be planning to hide some of it in the event of divorce?

Sorry OP to ask that... but if it were me I'd make sure to take a photo of it to keep safe Just in case he ever decided to declare his income as less than reality if he left you...

So was the plan to share his state pension or is it his money to spend and your pension will be your money?

Well that makes sense but we literally have talked it over until the cows come home 😂about what to spend it on, the house jobs we’d like to get done now before he gets older, so even if he was planning a surprise (and he’s not that kind of person) I still think it’s odd he denied it arrived. The letter still sticking out a bit looked like it had been stuffed in a rush like he wanted to / thought it was hidden. It’s so odd. He’s generally a good guy but history of addiction a long time ago and while I’ve had no worries for a long time it lurks in the back of my mind as a small red flag and secrecy makes me uneasy with him.

What pension/earnings do you have?

No the plan was 100% to share it and spent the lump sum on some
house jobs and the monthty payments into a savings account. I’m younger so some way from state pension and we planned to take his now to get house all sorted and start a savings account for when he can’t work anymore and it’s just my salary.

I still have years to go before my state pension and work full time as does he. We share our incomes to cover bills/ outgoings etc.

I guess this is my worry. I feel so confused why he’s hidden it from me. I just don’t see a good reason for this ☹️

Is she?

Will you be asking him?

If he has debts I don’t know about them and we are always open with each other so I’d be surprised if he did (but I know we don’t always know ☹️)

Yes I don’t know this either!

I don’t know! Hence hiding on mumsnet feeling worried. Hoping he’ll tell me
over next couple of days but worrying he’ll tell me a lower figure as why else not happily share it with me over dinner as it’s good news and what we’ve been planning for ☹️

Leave the letter on top out of the envelope and see what he says. If he says nothing by tomorrow say the pension letter had got put in the drawer good isn't it.

Is this his private pension or his state pension that the letter refers to ?

I’d say nothing here; and see what he does. It’ll be enlightening to know if he says anything at all to you, or if he tells you a lower amount, or if he surprises you, or what.

its not looking great ☹️went downstairs to let dog out and drawer is shut and I peeked in and
the letter is … gone. This isn’t great is it ☹️

I would think he has some debt he is planning to pay before sharing the amount with you.

State pension. He’s still working so has his work pension building up (as do I with my work)

I honestly can’t think of what debt he has. We share everything. But maybe I’m naive ☹️