DH lying about pension payout

[OITNBfanclub]

Urgh. Sitting here in sad fog ☹️
recently my husband enquired about taking his state pension - he’s 67 and still working but also has another pension with his work and we could do with the money now for a variety of reasons we both have talked through at length and agreed on.
a few letters arrived today, all for him. I asked him over dinner if he’d seen them as they sometimes get missed on our cluttered hall table. I thought he looked a bit funny and he said oh yes, it was just our car tax renewal forms. And super fast changed the subject. My spidey senses tingled but I figured he was just hangry /whatever. I went upstairs to run bath and on the way went to lay out my keys and bag for tomorrow and stuffed into the drawer was a letter still sticking out like it was in a rush which was odd, so I took it out and one very quick glance seems to show it’s his pension, with a £9k payment being made this week and I think £814 every month
from now on. I couldn’t believe it, he clearly opened it, lied to me and shoved it away. Why would he lie to me and not share the good news? is he planning on telling me it’s a smaller amount and keeping some aside for 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️And what do I do now, confront him? Or wait for him to hopefully tell me the truth? I just feel really side hit by it ☹️

lol, nothing with DWP is easily fixed, especially not their own errors.
I agree it is secretive, I was suggesting the possibility of a good intention behind it rather than a malicious one like the pp who thinks he may be planning to treat you as a surprise. Any milestone anniversary coming up?

I guess I wait a week then ask where the letter is as we were expecting it already and see what he says, if he lies and says a lower amount (for whatever reason) that’s a sad breach of trust to get over.,

If you’ve made plans that all his pension is going on shared expenses like carpets and a boiler then maybe he wants to keep some just for him to have fun with. Is that not ok? It is his money after all.

No milestones. Literally just boring boiler repairs and a new carpet! And some savings to start a wee pot with. Dull but financially comforting as he approaches retirement and we still have dependent kids.

It would be ok if he’d mentioned it when we talked it all through! But he was the one saying we need a boiler and new carpet and a savings pot of X! So why not also say “and I’d like 2k to learn surfing / pottery/ golf trip type thing!

And actually selfish if he was secretly planning that as he’ll be sadly gone by the time our kids are independent due to his age so I won’t have luxury of using my pension to do fun stuff with I doubt, it was something we have always been aware of due to our large age gap.

I would tell him you found it and are concerned about his lying.

If it were me in your shoes, I’d be rehearsing in my head ‘the pension letter that came. Where is that now?’ and at a moment where you are having dinner or a cuppa, just say it calmly. A moment will present itself and you have to be ready to spring it in a calm setting. You’ll drive yourself mad otherwise.

How do you know he'll be gone by then?

Why is it selfish for him to want fun money? If he has a life limiting illness then even more reason he might want fun money.

"Did I see your pension letter in the drawer earlier?"

His response will tell you all you need to know.

There’s no way I could sleep knowing this, I would have to say I saw the letter, it’s great news, but why haven’t you told me.

You say you haven't thought about addiction for years. Implying there have been issues. It must be a significant age gap if you are sure he will be gone before your children are not dependent

Well hes 67 and our kids are under 4 so realistically he won’t be around when they are independent by say 20 ☹️no life limiting illness and we share our money and he has lots of nice golf trips etc, plays in a band so has every Saturday night to do that so it’s not like he never has any Fun!

And yes, big age gap (25 years)

Dont you think hiding it and spending in secret is selfish?

i do especially as we always talk everything thru openly (or so I thought)

Deferring your state pension: taking a lump sumYou can delay taking your state pension and receive it as an enhanced lump sum, but you'll have to defer for at least a year in order to get the lump sum payment.
Note, that this (enhanced) option is not available for anyone who qualifies for the state pension on or after 6 April 2016.
It's worked out as if you had put the deferred pension into a savings account where it earned 2% above the Bank of England base rate (currently 5.25%), using a compound interest calculation.
However, the DWP adds interest weekly not yearly, and this works out 0.14% per week at present.
You can still get a lump sum if you qualified after April 2016, but without a percentage uplift

for those who reached pension age BEFORE 2016, their lump sum will be enhanced, ie interest will be added. For those who reach pension age AFTER 2016 can still defer their pension and receive the missed payments as a lump sum which is NOT enhanced.

Is there a reason why he’s still working?

We have 2 young kids

Doesn't look good. Personally I'd make a note of what information you can such as pension provider and figures and then ask him about it. If he isn't open then you know something is going on and it isn't a surprise trip!

Whenever I have had an unexpected sum of money,I rarely tell my partner straight away.Sometimes I like to wallow in the good news to myself for a day or two.Other times,I'm waiting for a non hectic time to tell him.Its nice to give him the good news on the weekend when we are relaxing with a bottle of wine.Maybe he is waiting for a good time to tell you?I'd wait a week or two and see if he tells you.He could be building it up to give you good news 😊

All this hand wringing when you could just simply ask him?

Why can't you just say ' I saw the pension letter earlier sticking out the drawer. What were the final figures in the end?'

Something like that

I'm honestly baffled why you can't ask your husband something as easy as that

Just ask him

If you don’t ask him tonight whilst the letter is about then he will just gaslight you

How did he get a 9k lump sum on his state pension?
I didn’t think you could get lump sums on your state pension but you can get one from a private pension.
He could have taken his state pension, (the monthly sum is about right) He could also have taken a tax free lump sum from his private pension, This means he’ll get a smaller annuity when he eventually retire. *
I couldn’t be doing with the deceit, I’d tell him you’ve seen the letter and ask him what’s going on.
*I’m so Sorry, I’m wrong, you can defer a state pension and get a lump sum. Sorry I got it totally wrong.