Husband beat me up. Help and advice please

[unmumsyma1]

My husband and I went out on the weekend had a few drinks
Got home had an argument that he started over nothing and he beat me.
Threw me on the floor kicked me, strangled me and smashed my face into the wall and made my nose bleed.

I tried to call the police and my friends but he took my phone so I just went to bed and sobbed and fell asleep

I've ignored him since he is still in the house I don't know what to do... he's saying he remembers nothing and he's cried when he has saw my bruises and cuts and ripped out hair.

I know he has to go I can't even look at him or speak to him or even have the energy to tell him to get out I haven't slept hardly since it happened. My body is black and blue

I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone that I've just not done anything and lied about why I called them at that hour, I've just been going to work and carrying on caring for my 2 boys like normal.. (they where not in the house) I feel like I'm in a dream just like I'm just functioning but not really here.

I can't process what has happened at all

What do I do now
I am literally just surviving for my kids and in some kind of limbo I need to snap out of

@Spywoman that’s such an odd post.
I hope you have help for your anger now.

Clearly non fatal strangulation is far worse than reckless. Hence it’s a criminal offence in its own right.

Take pictures of your bruises

Ring the police and woman's aid

Don't worry about your kids being taken from you, you have done nothing wrong but they do need to be protected from their father

Can you take the kids and stay at your mum while the police takes him into custody?

It has done it once and it will do it again if you don't do anything and the next time it might be even worse and you might lose your life.

There is help for you out there.

Have you called the police yet OP?

don’t worry that it has been a few days since the attack, it is normal for the victim to be in a state of shock and confusion. You need to describe to them what happened and they will help you with the next steps.

You need to report this to the police - for many reasons, which I know you will know - but especially because if (when) you break up and he threatens you with custody over the children you will want to have this reported. If you don't, you will regret it more than I could ever tell you.
I know this is hard but you need to be brave and do it for yourself, your children, your future.

I hope you are as ok as you can be today and I hope you're with your mum.x

Im really sorry for what you have been through that is completely horrifying and I can imagine you are in shock still. The most important thing is that you and the children are safe because as others have said he could and most likely would attack like that again and it could potentially be worse next time. You absolutley have nothing to feel ashamed about. This is all on him and he knows he massively done wrong by the sound of his behaviour now. But it might not be long before his mask slips again and he turns into the same monster he was at the weekend. It sounds like you have a very loving and supportive network of people you can lean on so dont hesitate to get the help you need.

“In fact, those who have survived a strangulation are 750% more likely to be subsequently killed by their attacker, according to the Training Institute on Strangulation Prevention.”

Strangling is an extreme DV action. The fact he did it on his first attack on you and didn’t gradually rise to it is even more concerning.

Contact the police, yes they may contact SS, but I’m sure you would rather them have to talk to someone, than potentially come across your body one day.

I can’t imagine what you are going through, but it must be terrifying, lonely and stressful. Please do not blame yourself and look at it as helping yourself and your children (and if you have to helping him- he may need some heavy duty anger therapy). Please keep yourself and your children safe.

The blank feeling is a normal response to a very shocking and frightening situation. You have been in shock, and that takes time to process, but telling someone is a step out of that fog, even though it feels hard to do now. You will then also have some help and support .
I am worried he may have cracked one of your ribs OP, you must have been so scared. I agree with everyone else that it will happen again, that he could kill you, and that you are doing the right thing in taking steps to protect yourself and your children from any risk of further violence or escalation. Even if this , by some rare chance, was a one off, he has destroyed your trust and you would never again feel safe with him. I will be thinking of you today.

But they can see your injuries (which please photograph)

And what if it's them next time? (there will be a next time)

Please get help

You don't need to protect their innocence, you need to protect their LIVES. You know what this man is capable of. You may not be able to do it to save yourself, but do it to save THEM. Your babies. Get them somewhere safe, where he can't hurt them. It is so, so important. Don't be one of those families we hear about on the news.

No op . Yes the police have to send info to social work and they will call you or visit but. Once they know you have got rid of your husband then they will be happy with that . They would only need to stay involved if he was around and they felt the kids would be at risk .

Id get the kids to your family , then sit them down and tell them what happened and they can watch the kids and you can go to the station. Once husband is removed ypu can all return home and have family and friends support.

Im so sorry he has down this, it’s awful.

Hi OP just on the 12 year old idolising his dad. It’s better he doesn’t idolise someone who beats his mum. It’s better they know what their dad is about. But for now please focus on yourself.

Im so glad you’re going to see your mum and you’re going to get some support in real life. I’m also so very glad you’re going to go to the Doctors and get checked out.

Take lots of time at your mums to rest and talk to her.

Obviously should have been ...for NOT doing it immediately.

I am relieved you are going to the doctor. Please tell the truth but be prepared for needing to repeat it. I was in hospital for something else and said about an injury I had related to h and she just laughed. I'm sure this won't happen to you but I wanted to prepare you for more self advocating.

You go into autopilot because you are in shock and disbelief. This assault has come out of nowhere so there are a lot of emotions to process.

If you want to, please let me know how you get on at the doctor and with the police if you are going today. If you are near me I am happy to go with you.

When you’re at your mum’s send her the photos you’ve taken and ask her to take more today.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Please let your mum know the full facts. You have nothing to be ashamed of. X

Thinking of you op. I have been there, but it was my dad who did it.
I hope you can get your ribs checked over when you manage to tell your mum. Make back ups of the photos x

I'm sorry about what's happened to you, OP and for not having any sound advice.
Most people here have already given useful information.
The thing is, if I spelled out what should happen to these vile animals, this comment would not get posted.
💐

Agree with this, it is likely his behaviour will be influenced by his father's treatment of you. Whether he saw that incident or not, chances are there will have been other undesirable behaviour and abuse leading up to this which you may have tolerated. You may find this comes as less of a shock to your family than you fear.

Men who strangle their partner are statistically 6-7 times more likely to murder them.

Your children need their mum. The best case scenario is that you continue to live with your abuser in fear of him hurting / killing you or your boys. Dreading him being in a mood. Trying to appease him and constantly being terrified. Best case.

The far more likely outcome is that he does it again. Far, far more likely.

Statistics don't lie. He's now much more likely to murder you. That isn't hyperbole, it's fact.

He didn't mark your face despite marking many other places. Funny that, like you said. Bastard.

If you need extra strength today, imagine what he could do to a 3 year old if he hurt you, an adult, that much.

The only way to put your children first is to report this to the police and end your relationship. Spend today with your mum, tell her everything. Call the GP and say you need an urgent appointment as you have injuries from a domestic violence incident. Get everything logged so there is a paper trail.

Sending love your way

Hi OP
So sorry to read about your horrible experience! Hope you're doing ok (as ok as can be given the circumstances).
I left my abuser just over a year ago (emotional abuse and coercive control so not exactly the same as your situation) and would advise to get in touch with Women's Aid asap, tell the people closest to you whom you can trust (i.e. nobody who would share the info with your husband) and start to make plans to leave safely. Women's aid have refuges you can stay at if needed.
The first person I told about my experience was my mum and she's been an absolute star throughout my experience.
Also, go to the police. I still haven't gone to the police about my abuser yet but am gathering my evidence to present to them and will do so after our divorce has gone through.

So many of us have been where you are today, OP. And it doesn’t get better by itself. Now that he has done it once, he WILL do it again. It might take a week, it might take a year… but all this time you will be walking on eggshells, and that’s no way to live. Next time your children might very well be in the firing lane.
We are all behind you. Report him, get medical care, and reach out for support from family and friends.

Please, don’t just become another statistic.

Yes, this.

I’m so sorry that this happened to you OP. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s any way that you can completely shield your children from this while also keeping them safe. I 100% believe that any man who could beat and strangle his wife would also be violent to his children in the ‘right’ circumstances. He needs to be kept away from all 3 of you (or only formally supervised contact with your children, if that’s necessary) because he is a violent and dangerous man.

I really do hope that you are with your mother now, and that you are dealing with the police / seeing the Doctor.

Hi, hope your feeling a bit stronger, ive not read all posts sorry if im repeating what others have said.
Have you got your mobile back, take pictures, you must have a confidant person you can trust ask them to do it for you, go to the police station with your friend and get it on record please otherwise no one will believe you when it happens again, trust me been there, no matter how much they tell you it wont it WILL happen again!
You also have a mums net page for battered wives, there will be advice support on there for you.
Start putting your ducks in a row, finances, savings , info on pensions his as well as yours. Think of your children and your self.
It may be better for you to leave (was in my case) so next time hes drinking he wont know where to find you.
Please act now. Be strong there is help no matter how scary it is out there.

OP go now and tell one trusted real life person about this. Whether it's a sympathetic line manager, a friend, or you have to turn up at your GP and speak to staff there. Telling just one trusted person is the first and most important step you can take to keep yourself alive. Because if you keep carrying this as a secret your mind and your husband's manipulation with will trick you into minimising and normalising it. You don't need to focus on the big picture right now of your home and children. You just need to do that one thing and tell one person.

Please go to the Police today. I know you are worried about your children because they idolise their Dad but They may end up the children of the man that murdered their mum. You survived this time, next time you may not. Your children need you to do the right thing. Please call today.