Husband beat me up. Help and advice please

[unmumsyma1]

My husband and I went out on the weekend had a few drinks
Got home had an argument that he started over nothing and he beat me.
Threw me on the floor kicked me, strangled me and smashed my face into the wall and made my nose bleed.

I tried to call the police and my friends but he took my phone so I just went to bed and sobbed and fell asleep

I've ignored him since he is still in the house I don't know what to do... he's saying he remembers nothing and he's cried when he has saw my bruises and cuts and ripped out hair.

I know he has to go I can't even look at him or speak to him or even have the energy to tell him to get out I haven't slept hardly since it happened. My body is black and blue

I'm too ashamed to tell my family or anyone that I've just not done anything and lied about why I called them at that hour, I've just been going to work and carrying on caring for my 2 boys like normal.. (they where not in the house) I feel like I'm in a dream just like I'm just functioning but not really here.

I can't process what has happened at all

What do I do now
I am literally just surviving for my kids and in some kind of limbo I need to snap out of

Happened to a friend of mine - what happens is they get worse and if you snap they’ll call the police and you’ll get arrested and they’ll be no consequences to him.

Photos need to show your face so they can see it’s you and not some random - make sure you take some more - unless you have an identifying tattoo or birthmark in the pictures.

I've woken a few times in the night and each time, I've thought about you and whether you are safe. If you were my daughter I'd phone the police myself but your Mum doesn't know yet. Please tell her because you're all at serious risk from your DH. Of course he cried - they always do but that won't save you from the next time he does it, and there will be a next time if you don't take action now.

Please phone the police, tell your Mum and contact Women's Aid.

It happened to me too. 30 years ago. I didn't report the first few times. Trust me it escalated and the last time I was nearly killed. Call the pice now it's not to late. Get a restraining order. Start divorce proceedings.
Get the injuries photographed.
Of course he remembers what he did.
Don't wait until he kills you and your children are motherless. Get angry and act now.

Strangulation makes it likely that he will go on to cause serious damage to you and possibly kill you. You need to keep that in mind and take the next steps which are reporting this to the police and social services. The police can charge him and make sure bail conditions and other safety measures are in place to keep you safe and get him out of your home. They will also refer you for domestic abuse support. Social services will also put in safety measures and support you and the boys emotionally with the situation. Can you go to your mums today and make those phone calls with her support? I know you’re worried about the impact on your kids but the impact of being around violence and abuse and potentially having their father kill their mother will be much much much worse.

@unmumsyma1 I am so sorry to read what has been inflicted on you. I hope that you are with your mum or will go after taking your eldest to school.

For those posters who are demanding she do everything now and how she's complicit if she doesn't do anything and ramming home what could happen next time and how her kids will feel if their father kills their mum, just stop it. You're bullying a woman who has been assaulted, injured and is in shock.

She has come here for support and advice. She knows what she has to do. She needs help to do it not criticism for doing it immediately.

These things are never a one-off.

If he’s got it within him to beat you and strangle you, then he will always have it inside of him.

Please get him and your children to safety.

It will not get better. Please leave.

Op I am so sorry that you are going through this . You may feel wobbly. Please remember this, there is never an isolated incident , this will happen again snd that's a definite. Staying with your abuser will role model begaviour for tour children. You wouldn't want your children to become abusers and victims. Show your children what a surviver looks like. It's going to be hard but please tell your mam and other people who can support you. you have nothing to be ashamed off. Silence enables the abuser. I will be thinking of you .

How are you?

Wow thanks for all of your kind messages
I am ok he leaves for work super early so just been sorting the kids will be dropping them both to nursery/school shortly then heading to my mums

You are all so kind thank you

He's put you in an impossible situation OP. I know you're scared to 'push the button' and expose what he's done but the truth is he's already pushed it. He started the chain of events that must now happen, it's not you 'breaking up the family', he's already done that.

I know it feels like you have a massive choice to make, tell or don't tell, but the reality is he has left you with no choice. His actions have started something which neither of you is now able to stop, you can't stay, or let your boys stay, in a relationship where this could happen again and that is 100% his fault. I know how you're feeling but please know, none of this is your doing or your fault and you won't be 'causing' anything by telling your family/the police, he is the cause and you need to get away from him because he's not safe for you to be around

Thank you

I don't understand myself why I've gone into auto pilot, that's why I asked for help

Feeling a bit clearer today and feel like I have to visit drs anyway because my ribs reel really sharp and tender when breathing

Oh OP this is awful. I just want to echo everyone else’s comments, please get yourself away from this man before he kills you. You have to contact the police, go and see your mum and let her call them if that’s easier. Your children will understand, your 12yr old has a warped view of his dad, he wouldn’t idolise him if he knew he had beaten up his mother. Take those first steps towards a future away from this man as he is dangerous and strangulation is a massive sign for future violence as others have said. Next time you might not be able to come on here and post, your children need you, please get away from him and fast

You may have a cracked rib. Go and speak to the GP, tell him/her what happened and they will take the right steps.

Stay strong OP! We’re all behind you. You’re doing the right thing.

You are so strong OP , you can do this. Call the GP and when you're there tell them exactly how it happened. Then tell your mum.

Please tell your GP and your mum the truth. Big hug xx

Huge well done for the first steps. Tell your mum everything. Ask her I call the police and take you to hospital. It’s not your shame to hide this it’s on him. He’s only being nice as he knows if he did this to a stranger he’d be locked up. People rely on your shame but it’s on him 100% and tou should tell anyone you can

I hope you feel better after speaking with your mum today x

Doctors would be a good start.

If you do go to police, they will arrest him. If he is released after this, he will have to go elsewhere and stay away from you as part of his bail conditions. He won't be allowed to contact you.
You'll never have to live with him again.
Think about that. It would be a big relief.
I hope you are ok and that your visit with your mum goes well xx

Oh OP big hugs! Please protect yourself, you are important and your kids need you. Better to have 2 parents who live separately rather than their mum dead and their dad in prison. He was strangling you.

Seek help today, and its completely normal to go into auto pilot mode, when something terrible has happened. 💐

It’s totally normal to fee all the things you do. You have been harmed by the person you thought you could rely on and trust to care for you . Someone who has seen you at your most vulnerable and the person you built a life with. There is a lot to process.

Attempted strangulation is seen by domestic abuse organisations and perpetrator programmes as something that is unmanageable high risk abuse that is righty identified as something that cannot be rehabilitated. that is how dangerous he is.

well done on deciding to go to your mum’s. You might feel able to at least seek some medical attention for your injuries. You could have broken ribs and other damage

I left an abusive relationship. Amongst other things he tried to throttle me in front of one of our children and a relative. We are safe now. I know how you are feeling. They start on the children sooner or later one way or the other. You are stronger than you realise and your children will have a better life without a man like this in it.

you are not alone 💐

This is the best decision, to go talk to your mum.

Report to Police.
Keep all evidence.
Remove all alcohol from house.
Tell family and have some one stay with you until he leaves.