Questions for those of you with really decent partners

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What characteristics do they have? If you knew them when they were very young teens/ twenties) what were they like? Could you tell they we’re going to be good long -term partners?

Kind, reliable, straightforward (just zero game playing) and interested in the world and other people’s experiences and views.
He was also funny.

Been together nearly 20 yrs now and he still is all those things (but also a tedious sports bore sometimes! :-) )

Caring, never ever put me down, no 'side', honest, made me feel loved. Still has all those qualities over 20 years later

Passionate about things, moral, respectful, loving, kind, hard working.

Met him when he was 18, and I could tell he would grow into a good man, but I had no idea he would be as good a partner as he turned out to be.

He still constantly surprises me. It's been over 30 years...

Calm, rational, funny, warm, handsome and very very kind, genuine and humble, clever, consistent, trustworthy, hardworking, quiet and not at all egotistical! He was the same when we were young but has grown more so over the decades. We shared the same deep values when young as now.

I really do believe that most people don’t change their basic natures, just mature and adapt to experiences. I indoctrinated my DCs into seeking kind partners and not to be swayed by the shallow stuff like looks only or whether good at partying as it’s everyday life that adds up to happiness.

Definitely notice how they treat others, especially people that are seemingly unimportant, it’s very telling of a selfish v kind nature in my view.

We've been together since we were 22/23, over 26 years now. He's just lovely - kind, loyal, hard working, funny. The thing I'd pick out above everything else (especially compared to a lot of the men you read about on here) is that he respects me and values me. If we have a different opinion about something, he'll listen to my viewpoint and may change his mind.

My husband is really decent and we’ve been together since our early 20s (now turning 50). I’d say the following-
— never had even the shadow of doubt that he sees women as equal and fully human (the latter sounds silly but as I’ve got older I’ve really been struck by how many men seem to see women as lesser)
-very intelligent
-not overly swayed by other people
-not into consumerist stuff at all or lad culture
-struggling for words for this but perhaps I mean a person of substance, with a real sense of himself as a moral agent
-makes me laugh all the time
-it’s always just been very easy and we make each other happy. Got together and moved in almost immediately. It was obviously right.

The first time I met my dh (25 years ago), he was with his friends. They were affectionate with each other, supportive, kind and funny.

Seeing that was one of the first things that really appealed to me.

He's proved to be utterly loyal, loving, kind, unflappable, steady, so funny (makes me laugh every day), supportive etc.

He still has the same group of friends, 34 years after they left university.

Kind, generous, unselfish, loyal, patient. It was pretty obvious when I met him and I couldn't believe someone like him was single. I don't deserve him. Somehow he has managed to put up with me for 12 years 😂

Kind and respectful.

Attentive, easy going, brilliantly clever, interested in the world.

My husband and I have known eachother since we were young teens and I'd say he's always been a good'un. He made it very easy to fall in love with him, even when he was still a scruffy little 15 year old metal head.

He's a learner, he loves to learn new things. He's a good teacher too, he's very patient and engaging to learn something from. He'll engage with anyone in something they're passionate about and you really feel like he cares, even if he has zero interest, he just enjoys other people's joy. He's learned to crochet, not because he had any interest in making 52 tiny crochet whales, but because our daughter wanted to teach him. Animals and children love him and gravitate to him. He remembers the small things that matter the most. He sees the home as a shared responsibility and does plenty of the housework and cooking without needing to be asked to do it. He's better at hoovering than me. He takes on everything and makes me rest and do nothing when I'm sick. He makes me feel like I look like Beyonce even when I look like a bin bag full of coleslaw. He's gorgeous.

He's just great really. I got very, very, unreasonably lucky.

Didn't meet till late 20s but he is kind, reliable, honest and puts up with my occasional rants. He never criticises and we never had to "compete" with each other. He is also strong emotionally and a doting father (too doting sometimes!)

Thoughtful, kind, steadfast and romantic. All things I wouldn't have thought mattered so much a few years ago. I can honestly say I feel very lucky being married to him as he is also my best friend. That matters so much too!

One of the big ones for me was having remained friends with so many of his previous partners, and that he speaks respectfully and well even of those who he hasn’t (and they of he.). To me those things say a lot about his capacity to pick good partners, to be a good partner, and to handle break ups well and with care and respect.

That, and just being universally known among our many friends as somebody who’s always showed up for his friends, was the first to offer to lend a hand, and was solidly reliable and committed to those he cared about. You can’t go wrong with somebody who’s dependable and an excellent friend.

And cheerful. I’m naturally cheerful and happy and I couldn’t be with somebody who was gloomy and couldn’t see the best in any situation.

Honest to a fault. Supportive, kind and unpretentious. Makes me laugh out loud semi-regularly. I knew immediately he’d be a good father. He was late twenties, rather than early, but I don’t think he’s changed at all in the last two decades, other than being a bit more of a grump than before. He used to be aggravatingly cheerful - am hoping it’s age - poor bugger can’t win 😜

Kind, calm, reliable, patient, intelligent and has integrity. He's always been that way. He's also a brilliant dad, pulls his weight round the house and happy to do the lion's share of childcare in the evenings if I'm out and about. He has been my rock throughout mental health wobbles I've had over the years. He's a real treasure.

Kindness to animals - that tells me just everything I need to know!
kindness to some people, the ones he tolerates
Reliable
not stingy
doesn’t tell lies
does what he says he will do
Will be there for me
thoughtful in even the small ways
shows they care without being fake, fussy or overly effusive (all things I can’t stand)
being in their presence reassured me and I felt safe
in the words of the late, great, Sinéad O’ Connor, nothing compares…

Kind, honest, trustworthy, gentle and the most laid back man I've ever met. I've had mh issues and he is just understanding and supports and loves me unconditionally. We met in 2005 when I was 25 and he was 32 and we both connected over a love of travelling and seeing the world. We work in the same industry which helps us understand the pressures of our job.

A different perspective. DH was 22 and pretty angry with much of the world. We argued furiously and lots of my friends were unimpressed. Except the ones who knew me best who cheerfully pointed out how difficult I can be. Now he is devoted, loving to a fault and my biggest cheerleader. Absolutely does at least 50% because we’re a team. If he needs to do more he does so without thought. We very rarely argue because it makes us both too sad. But that doesn’t mean we agree on everything by a long way. Why did I know he was such a good thing for me? By the way he treated his family.

Kind hearted, interested in people, calm in a crisis, clear sense of right and wrong, owns his own problems and tries to solve them, does ask for help and support when he needs it. Takes on equal home chores and mental lead. Works hard but knows how to take time off. (Also clever and laughs at my jokes although I don’t think these things are core to your question.)

We had a shortish relationship in our v early 20s, separated but stayed friends, married other people, got together late 30s. Been about 13 years now.

Sadly we are both bad with money and a bit chaotic but you can’t have everything.

Forgot to add that he does most of the cooking, and is a better househusband than I am.

Honest, kind, open-minded, intelligent, funny, calm, good moral compass but in no way insistent that he's right.
We're approaching 30 years of being together.

Kind. Always on time. Reliable and always interested in my day.

He's kind. Always.

We shared a sense of humour, a taste in films and music and political values so we had lots to talk about from the outset. It didn’t take me long to realise how intelligent, down to earth, kind-hearted and loyal he is. He’s the least judgemental person I know, he’s just a thoroughly decent man. I nearly lost him to illness a few years ago and it really made me appreciate what a wonderful person he is and how much richer my life is with him in it.

We met when we were 29, he’s funny, kind, intelligent, emotionally intelligent, interested in everything, and he fully agrees that Die Hard is a Christmas film. We’ve been together 16 years, but it feels like we only just met, and he’s such a good father to our only child. His snoring is a f**king nightmare though 😬