Page 3 | Questions for those of you with really decent partners

Clementine87 · 04/03/2024 23:56

Met at school.

He's hilarious, kind, calm, clever, musical. In nearly 17 years of being together, I've never seen him panic. His presence is so grounding, he can always talk through what's worrying me (without minimising my feelings)

He's the best dad. Everyone says that but he really is. Nothing is too much. We are lucky that his job means he does school runs, clubs, homework. He teaches them all an instrument. I don't cook, make lunches, picnics, do the food shopping etc. Nothing is too much trouble for him and he takes absolute pride in caring for us. I had a breakdown last year and was off work for 5 months - he took over being Mum & Dad whilst working full time. Never once told me he was tired or held it against me.

He's also the best present buyer I know. My friends joke that I can't be included in rubbish present conversations! Because he just gets me and gets it right every single time.

Everyone loves him. Not because he's loud, but because he gives everyone 100% attention and actually cares about them. All in all 10/10 human!

Horationor · 05/03/2024 00:21

We've been together 30 years, I met him after an abusive marriage and the main quality initially was that he made me laugh and didn't take things too seriously/hated drama and had the same moral view
As we've grown together, having a similar outlook but by no means agreeing on everything
We have the same thoughts on what we want our future to be together
We may bicker about who loads the dishwasher but never disagree on the big stuff

FiveShelties · 05/03/2024 00:40

Honest, kind, respectful, ambitious and made me feel like I was just the best thing in his life and still does. He also had a cat which he loved!

Been married 40 years and he is just a really decent man and a fantastic husband, I have been so lucky. We also argue about the correct way to load the dishwasher 😁

ItsAllAboutTheDosh · 05/03/2024 00:45

Lots of things mentioned. But also that he clearly wanted the best for me, and helped me in practical ways right from the beginning, rather than making grand gestures. For example, a week after we met I ended up applying for a job one night after work. I did not finish it until the early hours of the morning and it had to be posted at the firms letterbox by 8am that morning. I did not have a car, he did. He stayed up late with me making me cups of tea and then drove me to the firm to post the application.

Noseybookworm · 05/03/2024 01:11

Been with my husband since I was 17, I'm now 53! Married at 18 and don't think many of our friends thought it would last 😂 But it has because he's the best man I know. He's kind, funny, intelligent and a great dad. Has always worked hard and provided for his family which enabled me to be a SAHM with our 5 kids. He's not jealous or possessive, we're both quite self sufficient and have our own interests so the relationship isn't suffocating. I like my own space and so does he!

HeddaGarbled · 05/03/2024 01:12

Not Alpha.

That may sound mean, but I do believe it’s the truth. Beta males are nicer people.

AstralSpace · 05/03/2024 01:30

ItsAllAboutTheDosh · 05/03/2024 00:45

Lots of things mentioned. But also that he clearly wanted the best for me, and helped me in practical ways right from the beginning, rather than making grand gestures. For example, a week after we met I ended up applying for a job one night after work. I did not finish it until the early hours of the morning and it had to be posted at the firms letterbox by 8am that morning. I did not have a car, he did. He stayed up late with me making me cups of tea and then drove me to the firm to post the application.

Yes this. We've had a relationship with lots of ups and downs but I know I can rely on him. He. wants the best for me and is always supportive.

He's also generous and works hard. Not just at work, but at home too with regards to chores and diy.

concretevase · 05/03/2024 01:43

I feel like I'm reading testimonies from very decent women who have nurtured, supported and allowed their very decent men to flourish

Meadowfinch · 05/03/2024 01:45

You all sound very lucky. I'm envious.

Spencer0220 · 05/03/2024 01:59

I knew my husband was a keeper for many reasons.

He's incredibly patient. Kind, funny.

He'll go above and beyond to help someone. I wasn't sure our first date idea was accessible. Without telling me, he went to visit, and photographed the ground so I could judge for myself! He even went and looked at the loo to tell me what grab rails it had!!

I took my sister on our first date (I needed a carer I could trust to join us for some of it). Even though he wanted to see me, he was genuinely pleased to meet her and treated her with such kindness and respect, didn't view her as a third wheel.

He's not afraid to stand up for what's right, and even when he disagrees, is prepared to have his mind changed.

decionsdecisions62 · 05/03/2024 04:37

He's very kind. He stopped a woman jumping to her death from a bridge a few months ago. He loves animals. He usually says something every day to let me know he loves me. He's very calm and never gets angry but has a great sense of humour and we laugh at the same things generally. He works hard but has to as he has adhd ( which does drive me nuts on occasion). We've been married 24 years in June.

WandaWonder · 05/03/2024 04:39

We met in our early 20's for me it was the way he treated his parents and retail/restaurant staff and never commented on ex's badly

and there is no dramas with him sure people may say boring I say you get what you think nothing hidden

Sure he could wake up tomorrow and surprise me but it would be a miracle

WandaWonder · 05/03/2024 04:41

concretevase · 05/03/2024 01:43

I feel like I'm reading testimonies from very decent women who have nurtured, supported and allowed their very decent men to flourish

I just say if my husband wasnt decent in the first place I would not be with him

thebestinterest · 05/03/2024 05:15

Easipeelerie · 04/03/2024 22:39

What characteristics do they have? If you knew them when they were very young teens/ twenties) what were they like? Could you tell they we’re going to be good long -term partners?

Sincere, loyal, pragmatic and upright. Always did what he said he was going to do. Always. Never spoke an ill word about another human being, and not only got on really well with, but respected his parents. I mention this last detail because every guy I had dated previously has had something horrible to say about their mothers. Huge red flag…

I met my DH while he was on vacation, and the chemistry was instant. We share similar humor, which I think is really important. I knew before he asked me out that we’d be going far 😍

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 05/03/2024 05:18

Together 33 years.

When we met he was shy, kind, very gentle.

He does have faults and has lots of ADHD related issues (procrastination, overthinking), he can argue for the sake of it and make my blood boil.

That said, he is still at heart a gentle and devoted soul. He adores me and has supported me through thick and thin. He is a wonderful dad and partner - we share the load equally.

He is my life partner and I would not like to do life without him.

moleeye · 05/03/2024 05:22

We've been together since we were 21/22 so for 22 years now.

He is loving and kind with a strong moral compass, generous and compassionate. He is funny and caring and a great friend.

He is a very engaged father; does school runs, parents evening, homework, after school activities.

We have an equal partnership. He never belittles me, he listens and he supports.

He gives me perspective and I love him dearly

Rania78 · 05/03/2024 05:41

Following. need to know there are good men out there 😄❤️

BertieBotts · 05/03/2024 06:39

I've known him since we were at school, and then we had the same Saturday job at 16/17. At school he was a bit strange looking, socially on the edge of groups - not a popular kid, but nobody seemed to dislike him. Very very funny/quick but not at the expense of others (mostly he has this way of pointing things out in a very quizzical way which I find irresistible, and DS1, not his biological son, has adopted). Does get angry/exasperated but I've never ever seen that turn to aggression -more likely to use humour to deflect. Loves animals, sees women as equals/good relationship with his family. At work, hard-working. I didn't get a sense of this at school - we weren't in the same class. Easy to talk to about anything and everything.

We lost touch a bit when he went to uni and got back in contact in our early 20s. At this time, he struck me by being kind and clever and interesting to talk to. I'd not really pegged him as clever at school, because he was dyslexic and in middle sets. What actually convinced me he was the one for me was seeing him do stuff for other people. So yes kindness as a lot of others said. When we argued it felt like arguing with my sister, I'd never felt simultaneously so irritated yet so safe. In my previous relationships, an argument had always felt like a disaster. Plus he was open about wanting children. We now have DS1 15 from a previous relationship of mine plus DS2 and 3 ages 2 and 5. We've been married ten years.

Interestingly he ticks a lot of boxes that seem to put MNers off. He's not particularly masculine, in fact a lot of people assume he is gay. He plays computer games (though not to the detriment of his responsibilities). He doesn't wear "nice shoes" (whatever that means - I don't care about fashion). He makes spelling and grammatical errors (dyslexia).

Ilovemyshed · 05/03/2024 06:40

Kind, always happy to help others, no ego, funny.

SpringingintoSpring24 · 05/03/2024 06:50

Been together 26 years since the day we met. He is calm, kind, thoughtful and loves animals. Very strong family values.
For me kindness is the most important.

GelatoPistacchio · 05/03/2024 06:57

Incredibly kind to everyone, with a quick wit. I found that fascinating in my late teens/early twenties. If I was that quick and witty I would have been such a dick with it, but he has this solid moral centre.

He is just such a warm person to be around and very fun.

I think this thread shows that kindness and a lack of drama are key, but if you have only seen dysfunctional, high-drama relationships play out in childhood, you may end up thinking healthy relationships are boring.

Debtfreegoals · 05/03/2024 07:05

He always spoke so highly of his mum and sisters, it really gave me a good indication early on. Also very encouraging of my hobbies and passions.

Even when we were in our most strapped for cash stage, my hubby would never buy himself anything just I could get clothes or a haircut etc. truly selfless and that’s what I love about him.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 05/03/2024 07:13

Lots of stuff already mentioned

But kind, funny, hard working. Brought me flowers on our first date 🌹

Has never got angry, always very aware that he is a big, tall man and could be intimidating to people. No drama, always knew where I was with him. Gives great cuddles.

When we met he was the opposite of what I thought I wanted but he was a definite grown up (even though he was 5 years younger!) and I found that very attractive.

Been married ten years now, I feel extremely lucky.

2mummies1baby · 05/03/2024 07:19

Calm, kind, loving, affectionate, polite, funny, silly. I knew from our first date I could see myself marrying her... and I did!

Olderthanthetrees · 05/03/2024 07:22

As well as being intelligent, kind, reliable and funny and all of the things that others have mentioned, I noticed at university that even though he had a tight group of male friends, he didn’t disagree for the sake of disagreeing, but neither did he go along with some things even when there was quite a lot of pressure to do so. In other words, he had integrity and marched his own path.