Questions for those of you with really decent partners

[Easipeelerie]

What characteristics do they have? If you knew them when they were very young teens/ twenties) what were they like? Could you tell they we’re going to be good long -term partners?

Met him when he was 23. No game playing, very straightforward and keen without being creepy. Remembered things about me. Put himself out to come and see me.

Was living in a shared house, which was clean and tidy. Cooked us meals. Had nice, intelligent, kind friends. Was kind to serving staff. Thought similarly to me on big issues (religion, politics, children). Loved cats.

We've been together 20 years.

Same sense of humour and politics really helps for me. We have shared values and he lives by them.

But really he is just who he is. No bullshit, no game playing.
He's kind, loving, genuine and is just lovely. He's nice to my friends, there's no jealousy or possessiveness.

Met in our late 20s.

Oh god yes, he’s much better at ironing, washing up, remembering to do the laundry than I am…

He makes a great stir fry and cooks steak to perfection, I do the food shop and my roast potatoes are f**king awesome 😂

I do all the long haul driving though. So, you know, teamwork, innit?

Always been kind and thoughtful. Always celebrated my successes and encouraged me. Ignored other women and always aware of how bitchy others could be (didn’t play games or try to make me jealous or anything). Hard working, reliable and supportive. Those are the main traits that I think made me know he’d be a good partner. We’ve been together since he was 16 and always been those things but think it’s increased further as he’s gotten older (or maybe I just appreciate it even more)!

Consistent really. So many people seem to have multiple personalities depending on who they are around, he always seemed to be the same person no matter what.

Can't really say I thought about whether he'd be a good life partner, I knew I loved him and he loved me and got on with it.

People change over time and when major event happen. Baby time was hard and he was never anywhere near as bad as the ones you read about on here.

I think we have been fortunate to have stayed compatible. I think we could improve our current relationship but we're both busy and knackered and it is probably still good by most standards. We both look forward to kids being older so we can reconnect and do things for ourselves again.

Probably sounds really silly but it was his best friend (who I was not interested in at all that way!) that I met first, who was just a very lovely person; kind, gentle mannered and a loving husband and father. They’d been best friends since secondary school and were still close, so when I met DH through him I thought he’d be much the same in many ways. I was right.
I do think the company people keep can say a lot about them.
I remember hearing a colleague years ago talking about how her DH’s friends were such players, telling “funny” cheating stories and all the rest, and I couldn’t help but think she was perhaps a bit naive about her own DH. After all, these were the people he was going on stag dos and nights out with and choosing to spend his leisure time with. Sure enough, DH was a serial cheat.
So yes, often it’s good to look at the closest friends as it can tell you a lot.

Kind, honest (too honest at times!), supportive, reliable, caring, funny, a good judge of character, great in a crisis and a family person. He’s always been close with his parents and siblings and still is (not in a weird way, in a healthy respectful way). This says a lot to me. He’s my rock and the love of my life. He’s also very handsome 😌

Hes so naturally helpful. And he's calm, beautifully calm. Its the little things, like when we were first dating he got a parking ticket, and i was waiting for the inevitable swearing rant - and he just pulled it off his windscreen and made a joke about how it was worth it to see me and then just carried on with his day. And I'd never seen anyone keep their chill when given a parking ticket.

I didn't know him in his 20s, he was early 30s when we met. But he was happy, he was charming, and his kindness is what won me over. He is just stable and competent at life.

This evening i had a headache and fell asleep around 4.30. He was wfh, but when he came downstairs he fed the dc, left a cup of tea and some neurofen next to my bed, cleaned the kitchen.

We've been together around 20 years, and thats mainly down to him. Hes always made me feel safe, feel loved and valued.

DH has always been a kind, hardworking, unselfish person. He cares a lot for his family and has always gone out of his way to help others. No game playing either. He’s also a fairly quiet person, like me. These are the things I noticed nearly 30 years ago.

He has always supported me in whatever crazy project I’m working on, always encourages me. Has stayed up into the early hours fixing PC problems for me when I’ve had assignments or whatever. I know I can rely on him to be there for me 100%.

Kind, made me laugh, respectful, patient, honest. Really caring. No ego and never the biggest showman. Obviously thought I was absolutely amazing and gorgeous (I am not). Still my best friend more than two decades in. Like others on this thread I feel unbelievably, shockingly lucky. I often want to go back in time and thank my past self for being sensible and seeing past the superficial stuff.

The word 'kind ' keeps popping up.
My husband of 33years is so very kind. He's also got a great sense of humour and doesn't judge.
His kindness is such the most wonderful quality and I absolutely adore him , as do our children.

My dh never gets angry. Ever, about anything. It's like he's missing the angry bit of his brain. He's the gentlest man I've ever met.

He also does far more than 50% of everything. Looked after me well when recovering from big operations. Never squeamish about embarrassing body stuff. Would do anything for me or the kids.

I'm pretty sure I don't deserve him tbh, I'm basically lazy and selfish in comparison

We’ve just celebrated our 24 year anniversary, I’ve been with DH over half my life now. He makes me laugh, he’s hard working, everything he’s ever done has been to benefit us and the children. We share everything. He pulls his weight around the house. There’s never any drama, we’re not jealous people, we don’t go in for gossip or rows for effect. He has a way of calming situations down. He always gives a different perspective to make you think. We do often say if other people could hear us at home they’d think we were insane but it works for us, got to have the banter too!

I didn't meet him til he was in his 40s, but he was generous, kind, ambitious. He kept any problems with his ex wife apart from our relationship, and never bad mouthed her. I think that says a lot about his character.
I think as a teen he might have been simultaneously over self confident but also had imposter syndrome! He was very focused on what he wanted to do in life which was very attractive, and got himself where he wanted to be.
He also never played games. He fell in love with me after a few weeks and did not hide it.

My husband is fantastic but I don't think he's always been this way! I'm glad I didn't know him at 19/20 as to be honest he's sounds like he wasn't very nice!!!
He's definitely grown into the role of being brilliant, fantastic with our son (did lots of the night feeds when I was struggling), hypes me up to challenge myself (new jobs and hobbies), will do probably 40% of the house work (which is fair as he works longer hours than me).

The only thing he struggles with is money, he has really severe money anxiety as he grew up with parents who were always spending more than they had but this meant they went without the essentials e.g food and clean clothes but drove around in a fancy car. He's come a long way with that though so I don't see it as a "bad quality" I understand how hard it must be for him to deal with.

We met early 30s. He was patient with me being flighty, kind, always, and calm. An encyclopaediac knowledge of music which is a direct match for me, and also an encyclopaediac knowledge of sport which I couldn’t be less interested in. He wasn’t what I thought I wanted, but he is absolutely what I needed! I’m in peri menopause now and really struggling with it, and his patience and kindness shine through.

He doesn't put anyone down. I think a lot of "bloke humour" is based on taking the piss and oneupmanship and he's just not interested in that. He's very secure in himself. He's not trying to compete with me or put me down.

He mostly prefers the company of women as he's not blokey - not into sports/cars etc.

I think he genuinely likes and respects women which very few men actually do.

Kind, honest, thoughtful, loves animals, sound politics, good at housework. Puts up with me!

Met late teens, been together over 30 years. He’s incredibly thoughtful, kind, generous with his time, great listener. Just a beautiful person inside and out. We’ve been through a lot but he remains incredibly kind and thoughtful and a wonderful dad who’s been an equal in parenting and keeping house the whole time, despite a demanding job.

We both know how very very lucky we were to find each other and we know we’ll be together for as long as we’re alive 🥰.

He’s just really straightforward & really decent & kind. What you see is what you get. No games, no bullshit. He says what he means & he means what he says. He also expects the same of others, and doesn’t tolerate any nonsense. He looks after me far more than I look after him, and he’s a fantastic cook. We don’t agree about everything, but that’s fine. Obviously he’s not perfect, but neither am I.

We met at university & were good mates for years before getting together as a couple, so I knew him well already and I always knew that he would make a very good partner for someone.

The question marks arose because when relationships evolve out of friendships, there doesn’t tend to be much romance or spark / passion involved, and there never has been. Romantic gestures will never be his thing. He has never bought me flowers. That’s fine, though, and the upside is that there’s no drama, either.

He is incredibly caring. On one of our early dates he stopped to check on a woman who was clearly freaked out by some boys rough housing on the station and walked with her up to the main foyer so she wouldn't be alone.

He never judges. Some days I want to stay in my PJs in bed and watch movies and decompress until the afternoon and he never makes me feel bad about it.

He's had made me an anniversary present every year of our marriage.

He is honest and trusting and never jealous or stifling. He is confident and makes friends easily wherever he goes, I am proud to take him to work events as he charms everyone.

If there is ever something I'd like to do- day out, holiday, theatre show, he's positive about trying it and usually really enthusiastic about the idea.

When I have a migraine he takes the kids out without asking and brings me pain relievers and food.

He has a lovely smile and never turns down a cuddle :)

Kind and respectful. Nice to old people and children. Principled but open to all viewpoints and reasonable debate. Willing to laugh at himself. His friends spoke highly of him and his caring nature. Loved his family. No machismo. Anti racist. Not pervy. Never accepted gender roles for housework (and later childcare) - he was fully competent at both (better than me!)

I didn't know my DH until we were in our 30s and he describes himself as 'a right dick' when he was younger

I really struggle to reconcile that with the lovely man I know now. In terms of characteristics he is really steady and calm, kind and communicates really well. We have zero drama in our relationship and no, that does not mean zero passion

Funny,kind,caring,loyal,hard working and that's why we married and now have 4 children love every bone of him 😊

I met him on his early-mid twenties and he’s pushing 50 now (and aging like a fine wine!).

His integrity has always impressed me- he does the right thing for the right reason, even when nobody else is looking. He does what he says he will. He turns up when people need him. He’s very quiet and unassuming but kind of has a way of gently managing things in the background and keeping things moving. He says what he means, means what he says, and is never brash. In some ways he can be a little naïve- he’s very honest and expects people to be the same. It makes me very protective of him.

He’s generally just the nicest person. People love him, I just wish he loved himself a little bit more.