Questions for those of you with really decent partners

[Easipeelerie]

What characteristics do they have? If you knew them when they were very young teens/ twenties) what were they like? Could you tell they we’re going to be good long -term partners?

My DH supports me in everything I do. doesnt matter how mad some it has been over the years. he supports the time it takes, the inconvenience the plan changing etc. He has my sense of humour and knows when I need company and when I need time alone. He isnt very romantic and has turned out to be a fantastic dad. Over 30 years together and he still makes me laugh every day and always says something supportive or uplifting to me every day.

Compassionate, hard-working. Flexible as opposed to dogmatic in the way he thinks. Never seen him sulk once. Reflective. Is happiest when using his limitless energy to support others.

I met him when he was 27. We moved in together after a couple of months and were married within two years. As a teen/early 20s, he had misbehaved a bit and was a bit of a black sheep in his lovely family.

I think it depends on what your like as much as what your partners like. Two fairly easy going people with good qualities are more likely to think each other great.

I'd say my dh is a good partner, he's kind, generous, funny, sees the best in people and tries his best tobe a good dad. But he also has a habit of leaving mess for me to clean , he's not very romantic or demonstrative of his feelings and can struggle with his mh at times.

But I dare say im not great either.

This! We've been together for 31 years. He is utterly dependable, kind and trustworthy, but also very funny.

We are very different in lots of ways - he's sporty, I'm not. He's shy, I'm outgoing. But we are both interested in current affairs, theatre, books, travel etc.

We met when he was 30 so I didn't know him when he was younger. I imagine he was the same then though

I met my DH in my early 20s, together 13 years now.

He's just a genuine, kind, caring, man. He is very gentle despite being a big tall strong man.

He loves me and I feel secure in that. My ex would like to play games. Break up/ back together sort of crap.

DH for the most part is very easy going and not in a bad way, 'simple' sort of fella. He loves he loves his wife, his son, his parents his work. He loves the little life we have build.

He has always come across as a very genuine honest person. He is a farmer but also works for himself and you can see the way people deal with him that they trust him.

I don't think the two are exclusive...

I'm devoted to my husband, still find other men attractive, and I'm sure my husband finds other ladies attractive. You don't grow blinkers!

Edit to add: it doesn't bother him if I take a look at porn, and vice versa, as long as its not at the expense of our sex life

I wanted to be sure my husband would still be kind and respectful even when hypothetically we'd fallen out and he didn't like me much. So I looked for a man who was respectful to people he didn't like, and never raised his voice to anyone, even irritating family members.

At some point your future DH is going to dislike your behaviour. How will he treat you then? Will he sit down with you and calmly discuss things, or will he shout/give you the silent treatment/resort to calling you names? He will treat you the same as he currently treats those he dislikes. Don't think you're special and he will never treat YOU like that. He will.

Been married nearly 30 years. He’s extremely emotionally intelligent, brought up by a fiercely independent single mother. He’s a massive champion of women. He’s kind, funny, thoughtful. He shows he cares every day. He’s a brilliant father, wise and insightful.

I met him through work and there was no spark as we were both in other relationships and I didn’t think of him in any romantic way. We got together a couple of years later and even then I thought we were going out as friends. He’s been the most amazing blessing in my life after a series of relationships disasters in my 20’s.

When we finally went on a date we were staggered at how much we had in common, how easily it flowed and it’s continued to be that way. We are best mates which I think you need for longevity. I’m grateful for what I have.

I’m only a few years in but I’d say selfless, honest and collaborative. I’ve never felt like I’ve had to be someone else around him. I’m pretty ambitious and he knows this (he works hard too) and I always thought that men typically hate women that want to hold their own. He is supportive. He will also buy me things I actually need - for example I might say I ran out of spinach or want to cook a dish over the weekend and he will buy the ingredients. Or I might tan out of something silly like cotton buds and he will go to the shops after work and get some.

Very helpful. Not too serious, especially when I’m feeling negative about something he has a way of putting a positive spin on it.

Something I took note of (and he has mentioned he found important) was our relationships with our family. He is very close them and speaks well of them all. Especially his mum.

Also he knew how to live on his own, can cook, clean, iron and I’ve never had the impression that he has seen that as “women’s work” unlike some of my exes.

I love this thread! There’s so many negative threads about men being poor partners.

My husband is calm so never gets stressed or annoyed by things, we never argue, he helps around the house his jobs are washing and hoovering. He baths baby every night to give me a bit of a break.

Once I’m in bed with baby next to me at 8pm he will get me whatever I need as I try get baby to sleep and feed baby. Yesterday he got me my medication and glasses.

We share money and so we view everything as family unit and are a team. So no his or hers, everything is everyone’s.

He knows his mother is a nightmare haha so he will often arrange to see them when I’m not around to help me out. She is very negative and currently with an 8 week old I can’t deal with being told how terrible our house is (terraced (bad!), lounge too dark, we’ve painted it wrong colour, too far from a shop (10 min walk - but there’s a hill omg!!), new build so there’s a small estate charge…). Never says anything positive and he knows this rather than takes her side. Always on my side.

Then the obvious that he’s a nice kind generous man. We have the same sense of humour so watch a lot of similar tv together. We are both sporty.

He also moved from london to my home town and left behind his london life (property prices helped the decision!) but I’m still so grateful he did this.

First met my husband in the queue at the university refectory when we were 19. Of course there has to be a physical attraction ( he was on the university boat team ) but I soon found him to be calm, kind, intelligent, capable, motivated and very funny. He was easy to fall in love with and make love too. We got married soon after graduating and been together 20 years.

I think his greatest quality is his patience and putting up with me. I can’t imagine being with anybody else.

Basic respect and decency.

He had a rather strict mother (who he loves very much, she got the balance right). He also grew up in another country, but with a traditional English schooling. Again, strict, emphasis on respect, expectation of good sporting behaviour. Basically, how British kids were brought up in the past.

We first met about 25 years ago but got together about 6 years later. He’s sometimes very funny, sometimes serious, a scatter brain but always interested in new places and people.

He has friends going back decades, including some ex girlfriends, and cares very much for his family. Very loyal. My family adore him. I just wish he didn’t snore! ❤️

We met when I was in my 30’s and he was in his 40’s so obviously when we were younger he wouldn’t have even looked ONCE at me! He has said that I wouldn’t have put up with him back when he was younger, he smoked weed, took drugs, drank a lot.
Nowadays he’s just kind, thoughtful, and funny. Also helps that he looks like a Viking…

Its nice to see a thread that is not turned into a man bashing thread.

We met early 20s, but didn't get married/having kids for 12 years. He was very clear and honest at the start about his feelings and intentions, no game playing. We share key values and want the same things in our lives. We have enough things in common but also plenty of separate interests, and we've always been quite independent from each other.

Gentle, considerate, understanding, compassionate, forgiving, tolerant, generous (of spirit as well as practically), very, very, funny.

We met at uni. He was very straightforward, no games, he phoned me the day after we met and arranged a proper date. I learnt very quickly that he was kind, funny and treated others well, he took an interest in my friends/family, wasn’t ‘laddish’, and could laugh at himself. He was sensible and responsible when needed but lots of fun. When we argued, he listened and communicated well.

Those traits have continued and we’ve had a very easy relationship. From quite early in our relationship, I felt like he had my back and I’ve never questioned it 25 years later.

Oh and faithful, without a shadow of a doubt.

Things that I value about my dh, whom I met when we were 17, 49 yrs ago
He had no preconceptions of what our lives should be based on what his parents lives were like;
He didn't give a fig who earned the most as long as we both had enough for what we needed and a little of what we wanted;
He understood my boundaries (I have issues around control of money due to watching my mum being financially abused);
He's just always stepped up - no fanfare, no 'look at me', just quietly supported me in so many ways;
I'm very proud to say that there is nothing I did for our children (I didn't breastfeed!) that he couldn't do just as well if not better, and he did!

A lot of people here listing great qualities and while those are really important I think it's equally important to choose a man who's faults are not deal breakers. Nobody is perfect, my partner is perfect for me but he can be incredibly stubborn. I actually admire this quality in him as he tends to stick at things until they are finished, not be deterred by other people's opinions or comments and willing to stand up for himself. Where as I can be easy to back down, lose focus etc. Some people would see this stubborness and find him difficult or petty, but it works for me as I'm the oppose and happy to go with the flow on most things, so we don't bash heads too often. I am aware he's not everybodies cup of tea (he annoys his family quite a bit!), but he's very good to me.

Other than that he's not laddish which I would detest, doesn't play games, he's a very straightforward person and is very principled. He keeps all his promises and has a very strict idea of fairness. He's also really funny which helps because when life's hard you need somebody who can make you laugh.

Mine did/does. He has a civil relationship with his ex-wife which meant sharing parenthood went fairly smoothly and family occasions don't have any tension/awkwardness, but they're not best friends. Neither of them played games and he was still a very present father who has a good relationship with his now-adult DC (as do I).

I think it probably helped that I never wanted children of my own so his loyalties were never tested between children of different mothers and at very different life stages.

Known him since mid twenties.

People always just like him, he also has a lot of women friends.
Very good manners, sort that reaches stuff off high shelves for tiddly old ladies in supermarkets.
Animals always love him, I joke he is like Snow White.
Takes an interest in others even if what they are doing or saying is complete twaddle.
He was very open and honest about his feelings with me possibly a bit too quickly heart on sleeve type.
He is very calm.

The man doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, it’s hard to describe but I get really strong feelings about what people are like and he is such a good one.

He is my cheerleader.

Oh and supportive of whatever I want to do.

All the things that others have mentioned.
However , the most important thing for me was the fact that he was very open with me ( and others) about the fact that he loved and admired me.
He makes me feel like the most beautiful, intelligent and funniest woman.

He is a gentleman