I dont know what to make of DH’s behaviour

[Leilalala]

We are new parents to a 3-month old DS. DH on the whole is a caring and thoughtful person. Always sends birthday/Christmas cards to friends & family, makes a lot of effort on special occasions etc
He has been under some work related stress lately plus the obvious stress relating to being a new father so maybe a bit more cranky/tired/withdrawn than normal.
About a week ago he raised the subject of the upcoming Mothering Sunday (in 2 week’s time from then) and asked what I would like to do. I confirmed that I would really like to spend my first Mother’s Day with him and DS and go for lunch somewhere but also that he should make effort to see his mum and not just drop her just because we’ve had a baby (they always see each other on Mother’s Day). He said he wasn’t going to go see her initially but agreed he would do so in the morning before we do sth together as a family.
Today his dad called him to ‘discuss Sunday’ but DH asked him to call tomorrow. Over dinner I asked DH what they are thinking of doing with his mum (ie coffee/walk) and DH said that he will need to speak to his dad later as he hasn’t decided. I then asked what we are doing (thinking he has arranged this - he is very well organised normally) and he said ‘I don’t know’. I asked if he was going to book us into a restaurant and his response was ‘they will all be booked up by now, so there is no point’. I was shocked by his behaviour (him being quite indifferent and then dismissive about my first Mother’s Day having brought up the subject himself just a week earlier) and suggested that I try to find somewhere. He snapped out of it after that and apologised for his behaviour but I cannot help feeling uneasy about such out- of- character behaviour. It’s like his mask has slipped and this ‘ I can’t be bothered with you’ attitude shone through right then.
Am I overthinking this? Why would he be like this all of the sudden?
He obviously felt guilty as he went upstairs after dinner and when he came back down he said we are all booked in.
I can’t help feeling uncomfortable about tat exchange though.

Cos mothers day is a massive unnecessary load of bollocks and it's total entitled princess behaviour to throw a tantrum over it.

Rude.

Honestly makes me feel glad I am single. My ex’s mask was slipping by 3 months and he wasn’t ‘helping’ at all with our mutual child. I got really unwell. Be kind to yourself lovely OP. You are doing an amazing job as a mum and you do deserve to be celebrated on Mother’s Day. Big hugs! Xxx

And that entire paragraph was unnecessary. OP didn't throw a tantrum either.

You sound very bitter!

I wonder if you are over thinking the day and he feels under pressure?

No she demanded that she be celebrated and went to wail on MN about how awful and inconsiderate her other half was for not making a special effort with her and was jealous of her MIL.

I just don't have time for it. It's ridiculous and makes a mockery of when women do have a proper issue with their partner being inconsiderate.

Absolutely. Whatever he does is liable not to be good or special enough tbh.

This is a site full of Mums. Where is the support? Calling OP needy for wanting her first Mothering Sunday to be special? Calling a (first time) Mum 3 months post partum needy? She stated her needs, husband is acting out of character and she’s asking for advice and not to be made to feel bad.

OP take time each week for you and your Husband to talk about how you’re both doing. Sounds like he’s overwhelmed a bit.

Have a lovely first Mothers Day

What's up with a bunch of daffodils and a nice cake for after dinner ?? Honestly stop pecking at the poor guy, and stay away from social media which is probably where you've got the idea that mother's day is some huge event.......for the vast majority of people it's a cosy day at home. Unless they're working that is.

The point is that as a mum, focus on what you actually need and expect to be treated once in a while without an arbitrary date in a diary which causes your partner to be massively stressed because he's got to think of his mother too or be damned forever into hell as a bad husband!

It's stupid. Just arrange a special flipping date night on a convenient day of your choosing instead. No drama. Problem solved.

I read another thread today about 'mask slip'. The husband got super cold to his pregnant wife, refused to support the pregnancy and got physically violent. Mask slipping in this instant sounds a bit dramatic.

Sounds like you asked at a stressful moment. He snapped. He's making up for it.

What an over reaction. He's just trying to please everyone. Mother's Day isn't really a massive deal anyway.

Reading the first bit of your post it doesn't sound like you're super bothered about mother's day, but the latter bit makes it sound like it's a really high priority for you. So maybe you were giving mixed messages.

I'm with you on the first part - I don't think you'll look back and think, "wow wasn't it great that first mother's day when we went to a restaurant," it's not super memorable or special. So if you did want to do something to mark the occasion, I would think you'd want something more than that.

Your massively over thinking this.

Absolutely! What about the remsining 364 days in year ....just as important

It's precisely because women are 'mothers every day' that they should have one damn day when everyone recognises it and makes a little bit of a fuss of them. Jeez.

He sounds nice! Slightly irritated then immediately rectified it by finding and booking a suitable restaurant. You've got a good one if this is your bar for concern!!

Agree with PPs - I wouldn't think a costly meal out was a great option for mothers day with a young baby. We used to do the breakfast in bed option, and DH would help the kids when old enough to pick daffs or whatever from the garden for a vase. Then maybe a lovely walk or something?

I normally cook a sunday lunch and DMIL was always involved too - so we maybe went to the local Hungry Horse or somewhere child friendly so I didn't have to cook? Nowadays we go somewhere a bit nicer (but not stupid) and I have a note on the calendar to remind to DH to book well in advance as we know everywhere gets full weeks beforehand........😁

Sounds as though your DH has a lot on his plate (not saying you don't) but it isn't a hill I would die on.......

Bit ridiculous.

Why don't you all go for lunch together, you and his mum and dad?

Its quite sad that some people are so miserable that they think theres nothing special about it.
Its v special in my house.
My dh and dds get great joy from spoiling me that little bit extra on mothers day.
Its a v special thing to see 3 grown women bounce in full of happiness and appreciation for me.

Im sorry not everyone gets that. But it doesnt make me needy.

It sounds like you are very used to him being romantic in a very organised way. This sort of thing is not always found in a bloke, so as you clearly like it, well done for finding him.

However it is icing rather than cake, and in a scenario that involves stressful jobs and young kids, you do have to focus on the cake. This is not to say you can’t have sprinkles too. But prioritise.

It sounds like he is tired and just didn’t have the energy to be Mr Considerate. It’s up to you, but it would probably be good if you could allow that - long term relationships to tend to survive on you not having to be your absolute best all the frigging time because that’s tiring.

You may well be as pressed as him, but if you aren’t, the kind response would be to have sorted Mother’s Day lunch. I know it’s your day, but it’s a family rather than romantic moment.

I am all for keeping some romance going but it is deep friendship on which marriages are made. In the end friendship is deeper than sexual / romantic love.

God I took babies to quite smart restaurants at lunchtime from the off (and took them out for a walk when they cried).

Under no circs would I cook lunch or eat in a Hungry Horse if I didn’t want to (and I didn’t want to - all great if you do obviously.)

Poor bastard is no doubt struggling with having to live up to your high standards all the fucking time. Give him a break, he's just busy tired and stressed like all new parents and can't possibly think about you and your feelings every second of the day.

i dont think you’re being totally unreasonable you said it was important for you and it’s your first one,

Now he’s backtracking, but could it be he accidentally went along and agreed to something with his own Mum (as well as you) and now doesn’t know how to get out of it without upsetting someone?