I dont know what to make of DH’s behaviour

[Leilalala]

We are new parents to a 3-month old DS. DH on the whole is a caring and thoughtful person. Always sends birthday/Christmas cards to friends & family, makes a lot of effort on special occasions etc
He has been under some work related stress lately plus the obvious stress relating to being a new father so maybe a bit more cranky/tired/withdrawn than normal.
About a week ago he raised the subject of the upcoming Mothering Sunday (in 2 week’s time from then) and asked what I would like to do. I confirmed that I would really like to spend my first Mother’s Day with him and DS and go for lunch somewhere but also that he should make effort to see his mum and not just drop her just because we’ve had a baby (they always see each other on Mother’s Day). He said he wasn’t going to go see her initially but agreed he would do so in the morning before we do sth together as a family.
Today his dad called him to ‘discuss Sunday’ but DH asked him to call tomorrow. Over dinner I asked DH what they are thinking of doing with his mum (ie coffee/walk) and DH said that he will need to speak to his dad later as he hasn’t decided. I then asked what we are doing (thinking he has arranged this - he is very well organised normally) and he said ‘I don’t know’. I asked if he was going to book us into a restaurant and his response was ‘they will all be booked up by now, so there is no point’. I was shocked by his behaviour (him being quite indifferent and then dismissive about my first Mother’s Day having brought up the subject himself just a week earlier) and suggested that I try to find somewhere. He snapped out of it after that and apologised for his behaviour but I cannot help feeling uneasy about such out- of- character behaviour. It’s like his mask has slipped and this ‘ I can’t be bothered with you’ attitude shone through right then.
Am I overthinking this? Why would he be like this all of the sudden?
He obviously felt guilty as he went upstairs after dinner and when he came back down he said we are all booked in.
I can’t help feeling uncomfortable about tat exchange though.

His mask slipped? Isn’t he ever allowed to feel a little frustrated? You seem to have very high standards

I don't think he has done a 180 on the idea. He is just stressed that's all. It can be overwhelming having to plan mothers day for 2 mothers whilst also being a first time parent. He's booked somewhere and even though you had to remind him he had originally asked you what you wanted to do so he had been thinking about you to start with. It's really not something to allow bad feelings over. Just enjoy your meal out on Sunday out and let it slide. Life's too short :)

It reads to me that he’s finding it difficult to balance what he wants, what you want, and what his mum wants. Add in what I imagine is a hefty dose of expectation from at least one of the parties on that list, and I don’t find it surprising he’s ended up procrastinating and doing nothing.

You know its just one day right. Every day is mothers day.

If I understand your OP correctly, he suggested doing something then you asked if he'd booked a restaurant. Maybe it wasn't a restaurant that he had in mind?

Wow. Totally no need for the ‘needy’ comment.
Hormones are wild at this point - totally understandable OP, I think your DH has realised quite quickly that this is important to you, hence the apology. I’d let this one go and enjoy your first Mother’s Day . Very kind of you to think of MIL too 💜

You can say that about any occasion. You may consider yourself above it but that's not really relevant to OP, who doesn't.

I just don't see how going to any restaurant with a 3 month old will be fun or special. You'll be asked to vacate your table after 90 minutes no doubt too.

To be honest. I’ve always just sorted Mothering Sunday for both of us. Pregnant Mothering Sunday - his mum, my mum, my dad, other half, my aunt - we went for Sunday lunch. First Mothering Sunday as a mum I organised afternoon tea. This time we are having a raclette party.

it’s just another day. A nice family day like Christmas. It’s nice to be together. It doesn’t matter who organises it, what you do, who does the work etc.

(I have siblings, other half has siblings, aunt had children, grandchildren and great grandchildren but it’s still always us by default. Just one of those things).

relax and have a nice day with your family.

Bit of an over reaction he's got a lot on and you just caught him at a bad time. I get that it's your first mothers day but the baby doesn't have a clue yet.
I'm not one for going out mothers day too busy for me I'm happy with breakfast a card and a garden plant I have a plant for every year although I'm crap at gardening so I've killed a few it's a running joke how long it's going to last.

Oh my oh my. He put down his fork and folded his arms??
Who the fuck does he think is, the headmaster from a 1950s reform school?
By fuck id not tolerate that from my husband and as for needy? Get ta fuck.
Its ops first mothers day. Any man who doesnt recognise this as a big deal needs a foot in the hole.
Once more people are accepting low standards.
My first mothers day was a good while ago now, i still remember it. Dh recognised that it was a profound change for me and marked it with flowers and a gift and a photo of dd cos she was in SCBU and i couldnt be with her.
Mothers day is a big deal. Dont let another lazy man and women with low standards tell you different.

Go with the flow.
Nothing to get upset about.

My advice would be to forget Mother’s Day until the kids are old enough to pop to the shops by themselves. It’s much more meaningful then . No man really gives a shit about Mother’s Day. This approach will spare you the disappointment that a lot of women feel yearly why put yourself through it?

He's booked something now so enjoy it. Give it a few years and what you'll want for mother's day is breakfast, some lovely, misshapen, mystery, homemade item, some nice, quiet me time with a G&T while figuring out what the mystery item is and the kids promising to be on their best behaviour and not argue, just for the day 🤣

Op there are some really unhelpful ppl on your thread. Ignore them. You have just had a baby and I don't think coming here for some advice from mumsnet means you're needy. I think maybe hubby was feeling stressed. Maybe he didn't know how to fit everything in but the truth is we can't answer your questions only he can. I think you should ask him so he can answer himself and I'm sure he will put your mind at rest. You might be on to something with picking up on his mood but equally it could be absolutely nothing. Have a lovely mother's day. X

You are not his mother.

Needy wife 😂😂

You aren’t crazy - you’re just being smart in fact. You’re keeping your eye out for Ted flags, even though you love and “know” your husband. Good for you.

the likelihood is he is just very stressed and felt put upon. But do remember this and recognise it if it keeps happening. then it might be his real side coming out.

hope for the best prepare for the worst

Thank you all very much for your input. It’s interesting to see how many different perspectives there can be on this situation.

Sorry this must be the biggest overreaction I ever come across -I can’t believe you’ve posted about such a non issue! Have you never had a problem in your life OP? In your relationships? Have you spent your life wrapped in cotton wool? I don’t mean to sound harsh but I’m absolutely baffled as to why you are making a mountain out of an absolute molehill.

Some men do find it really tough in the first year of parenthood. Mums have 9months (or at least in later pregnancy) of a physical reality of the baby and are often bonded with the baby before they are born. Also, sleep deprivation can really mess up the wiring in the brain for men and women so it could be a combination of things.

Sounds stressed, hasn’t booked anywhere and feels defensive when reminded, and feels some pressure from his dad. You’re overthinking it’s any more than that, and it's easy to worry unduly/too deeply when you have the stress of a new baby and sleep-deprived.

Hope you both have a good day x

Why on earth is someone being 'hard work' for wanting her first mother's day to be special? That's a Mumsnet catchphrase I've never heard in real life.

His mask slipped. Sounds like you have been reading a few too many novels. Pop in and see both your mums ( assuming that is possible with yours) then have a lazy afternoon. Mothers day lunch at restaurants is loud , busy and chaotic with a lot of bored kids whinging at every table. Best avoided.
My mothers day has always been a big sleepin then breakfast in bed ( made by DH until the kids were old enough). Card and pressie ( from the school stall or handmade from pre-school) . Bunch of flowers. Often a late easy lunch with both sets of grandparents at one of their places after that. Then home into pjs whilst DH does all the kiddy dinner/ bed stuff. ( that's the best bit).

I would not want my husband to take our baby to his mothers and leave me alone on my first Mother’s Day!