I dont know what to make of DH’s behaviour

[Leilalala]

We are new parents to a 3-month old DS. DH on the whole is a caring and thoughtful person. Always sends birthday/Christmas cards to friends & family, makes a lot of effort on special occasions etc
He has been under some work related stress lately plus the obvious stress relating to being a new father so maybe a bit more cranky/tired/withdrawn than normal.
About a week ago he raised the subject of the upcoming Mothering Sunday (in 2 week’s time from then) and asked what I would like to do. I confirmed that I would really like to spend my first Mother’s Day with him and DS and go for lunch somewhere but also that he should make effort to see his mum and not just drop her just because we’ve had a baby (they always see each other on Mother’s Day). He said he wasn’t going to go see her initially but agreed he would do so in the morning before we do sth together as a family.
Today his dad called him to ‘discuss Sunday’ but DH asked him to call tomorrow. Over dinner I asked DH what they are thinking of doing with his mum (ie coffee/walk) and DH said that he will need to speak to his dad later as he hasn’t decided. I then asked what we are doing (thinking he has arranged this - he is very well organised normally) and he said ‘I don’t know’. I asked if he was going to book us into a restaurant and his response was ‘they will all be booked up by now, so there is no point’. I was shocked by his behaviour (him being quite indifferent and then dismissive about my first Mother’s Day having brought up the subject himself just a week earlier) and suggested that I try to find somewhere. He snapped out of it after that and apologised for his behaviour but I cannot help feeling uneasy about such out- of- character behaviour. It’s like his mask has slipped and this ‘ I can’t be bothered with you’ attitude shone through right then.
Am I overthinking this? Why would he be like this all of the sudden?
He obviously felt guilty as he went upstairs after dinner and when he came back down he said we are all booked in.
I can’t help feeling uncomfortable about tat exchange though.

This.

Restaurants will be crazy busy, and with such a young child it won't be fun. Have a relaxing lunch or afternoon tea - catered by him, obviously! - and enjoy family time. Assuming you get on well with the in-laws, goes without saying.

Incidentally, what are your plans regarding your own Mum?

You do you that's not what op wants to do and that's fine

This sounds like an absolutely dire first mothers day and obviously not what the OP wants.

Did you mean to be SO rude?!

I think you're getting some very harsh responses here OP it's perfectly normal to he looking forward to mothers day.

I think it sounds like he had a blip and probably knows his dad is going to be pulling him in the other direction and just wanted not to think about it.

Well said Sugargliderwombat!

High expectations-wanting lunch out?

JFC!

I agree lunch might be difficult with a three month old.

What does he usually do with his Mum?

Will she be wanting lunch out is that why it got a bit fraught?

You sound like hard work

It's awful when you are made to feel guilty for wanting something special. It's your first Mother's Day and you have every right to want a bit of fuss. Sounds like DH has it covered now and will pull it together. Lots of men struggle with the attention new Mums get especially if they are feeling 'tired' and not the usual centre of everything. Don't worry he will have his day too ;)

If that's the only "red flag" he's shown please dont let it affect you. Even the calmest of men need peace. Try not to nag so much and add to his stress. Why couldn't you have booked the restaurant? Drama over nothing in my opinion.

How can you respect or like a man who refuses to parent?

😂😂😂

YABU. Such a lot if fuss about nothing. He only needs to get you a bunch of daffs, and it's job done.

Personally, I don't think you did anything wrong. And, there's absolutely no shame that you are celebrating your first mother's day. It's a life milestone and should be celebrated.

You've said you have no issues with him seeing his own mom, which is great, and hopefully, you'll both have a lovely day.

Ignore the PPs who are poopooing Mother's Day and celebrating. That's up to them and a personal choice. You're at a unique point in your life where you can your h can start really forming your own family traditions. (Like he has with his own mom on Mother's Day). It should be magical and everything you'd like it to be. So I can fully understand why you're upset about his attitude.

As for his mask slipping comment, that makes me think you've not been together for very long and still have a lot to learn about each other. I wouldn't necessarily see it as a huge red flag. He was probably feeling caught out and embarrassed that he didn't follow through. Which would be why he went and made the booking straight after.

Keep a little eye on it, but I wouldn't stress about it until other things start adding up.

Congratulations on your first upcoming Mother's Day. Enjoy all the baby cuddles and how much joy and love baby has brought into your life.

Can I guess that you would normally have lunch with his mum on mother's day? And that this year you are suggesting changing this to lunch with you and him plus baby?
On my first mother's day hubby got me a card from our twins and made me breakfast in bed. I am sorry a mother's day lunch out when your child is 3 months old does sound a bit OTT.

He sounds stressed (probably by his parents interjecting: maybe he was hoping to not see them!) and instead of communicating that to you and/or saying 'I need a little time to think this through' he snapped at you. That's not a big deal on its own but if it becomes a pattern of communication then he needs to address it. He needs to learn to express even small wants/needs before it becomes overwhelm, even if that need is a simple 'I'm just processing something else, give me a minute.'

Don’t listen to these people saying you are needy. Its a genuine question you have asked. Sounds like he is stressed at work and busy at home being dad/husband, this is in no means to diminish your effort and work you do. Sounds like he composed himself and fixed the situation with a booking.

have a chat and see if the work load can be shared any better that suits both of you, he needs to earn money but you have to keep baby alive and yourself sane.

Honestly a tip for the future from someone who has been a mum for 37 years. There is always a conflict as unless you all live really near each other and all get on there are likely to be at least two mums or MILs in every family so it cannot be all about you and what you want so if I were you I would adjust expectations.

Your DH is probably struggling with whether he should celebrate with his mum or make it about you and it is good you have acknowledged that. What about your mum? Does he have siblings who will make a fuss of his mum? Maybe his Dad has expressed regret you aren't including them.

That sounds like a lovely plan.

Such a lot of horrible, catty, nasty comments!! You are coming across like a bunch of bullies!! It's the OP's first Mother's Day ffs. Leave her alone.

@Leilalala the subtle changes in relationships when you have your first baby can take a little tweaking over the years, so don't be disappointed if it's not perfect. I think eating out with a 3 month old seems stressful tbh. I am heading into my 27th Mother's Day and I don't remember my first one! I think DH bought me some Denby glasses I'd wanted!

I'd be more concerned about how little your DH is doing with your baby. Don't let him away with this now, because you will find yourself back at work and still doing it all. Train him in now, while it's still early days!

To be honest OP you sound like you are overthinking this. A lot of the time our assumptions and expectations can make a conversation more stressful (for both of you) but it doesn't mean either of you are in the wrong. Speaking for myself, I realized later looking back that I often was experiencing anxiety, where I would ruminate a lot about something when my babies were very young. Many mothers have this experience and can be more sensitive and worried about all kinds of things due to the enormous change and responsibility of suddenly bring a parent. It can be overwhelming for both parents at times, especially with your first. And I consider myself pretty relaxed and easy-going!

Seperate a 1st time mother from her 3 month old baby on her FIRST mothers day so he can go and be with his mammy WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON ??? He has been doing stuff for his mother for years he now has a wife and a baby it's really not that difficult to plan for his wife instead of his mother

The comments here from women are absolutely astounding tbh I actually have no words your expectations are so low I actually feel a bit sorry for you all !

Your husband sounds abusive.