Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

So, explain equity in this context?

Yes silly you for not being able to work full time and also raise small humans to be functioning, productive and valuable members of society…

Turned up to dinner and drinks and said he'd already eaten.

I had one drink, left, and hit the kebab shop 😂

This is so sad. Your poor son. He had a lucky escape with her!

We don't have to agree to do that! Many couples work out a fairer way to work/bring up children, although I appreciate that it's not always easy.

I am now beginning to wonder if I've been teleported back to the 1959s...

@EricaJohns I love this -
If a relationship is to be fair in the future, it has to be fair at the start.

I am really saddened to read some of the views in this thread.

Yes, agreed

This wasn't a date but a man I had known from school and met at a reunion who "insisted" we go for lunch as we worked close to each other.
We went to a pub that did a 2 course for £10 not including drinks. We also got drinks. At the end he put down a £10 note meaning I paid mine plus drinks plus tip. If it was a date there wouldn't have been a second. And I deleted him on Facebook.

Partly true. The gender pay gap is essentially an average of the salaries of all the men vs all the women. It does not take into account time off, age, job type, etc etc.

It is literally an average of a million men vs a million women.

What people often fail to realise is that men choose to do higher paying jobs. Jobs that are dangerous, dirty, require strength... electricians, builders, sewage workers, military, police, oil rigs, on trawlers, security, hazardous waste, nuclear power stations...

I know guys in all of these roles, I don't know any women. Yes, there may be some companies with a pay gap, but the pay gap that everyone is familiar with is simply an average of all jobs, and for that, if men are more likely to risk their health and lives, shouldn't that be fairly compensated?
(This is perhaps a discussion for its own thread!)

If it's a first or second date there's no reason for them to value you because they don't know you. They've met you twice. You're basically strangers.

Generosity is something I expect and appreciate in someone I've actually got to know properly. It's also something I'd give back in return to friends and partners whom I love. It would feel utterly bizarre to spend money on a virtual stranger I might never see again so I don't expect men to.

When I was a broke 20-something dating other broke 20-somethings I also frequently thought that if I was going on frequent dates I'd quickly bankrupt myself if I paid for my dates' drinks every time, so why would I expect it of them?

Plus as PP have said, men who seemed to think that splashing the cash would be oh so impressive to me were a massive turn-off. A high proportion of them definitely thought it was transactional, and expected me to go home with them afterwards. A man who believes in traditional gender roles = red flag and deeply unattractive.

While the gender pay gap exists, it's irrelevant to individual situations. Any given woman I know might earn more than any given man I know, largely depending on career choice.

Any man who doesn't pay for my food/drinkon the first two or three dates. I haven't had any egregious stories, but dutch is a no in my world.

Maybe you should have paid the whole bill.

My boyfriend's friend had been interested in my best friend for ages . She was way out of his league but was lovely so agreed to go on a double date. We went to the pictures.
My boyfriend and I got our tickets and then his friend went to pay for theirs. Just as they got to the cash desk he said to her " bend you legs a bit and they might let us in at the child rate" my boyfriend slapped his own head in incredulously way sadly shaking it. Surprisingly there was no date 2

I once went on a date, with a College lecturer, to an Indian restaurant. He ordered a single poppadom. Just one.
I don't think he'd eaten that kind of food before but it was a bit embarrassing. We split the bill. 2nd date was to a (free) museum & then he said: 'I've made afternoon tea at mine'. It was a tiny plate of shippams bloater paste sandwiches, a French fancy & a cuppa.
He was nice enough but terribly old fashioned. I didn't pursue things.

Thank you, he really was taken advantage of, and was quite hurt. I can’t believe women still do this!

@Moonlightandroses44 but why is the man expected to pay and not the woman??

Advice needed, next date I go on, suggesting going halves on a ginsters pasty at Woodall services is a good or bad idea ?

Me too, @Arrivederla !

Why didn't you just offer to pay the whole bill if he only had a coke and you had a wine? I think you are both stingy.

OMG did you pay?

Also I wonder if it's possible for a women to be stingy or tight? Just not adjectives you see applied to women much.

Personally I'd also rather have a partner who's sensible and a bit frugal than someone who throws money at stupid shit (like first dates with people he hasn't met before).

I think the real question for this thread is, what do you actually bring to the table to justify him paying? What sets you apart? Are you just going to cross your arms when the bill comes because 'he gets you, so he has to pay for it'..? That's very transactional. Is that who you want to be? Why is your time more valuable than his? If you start off a date with the impression that you're better than him, is that really the foundation of a good relationship?

Because if a man doesn't offer to pay on at least the first couple of dates, he is not a keeper. I don't care if that is old fashioned, it is just the rules of dating for me and for a lot of other women.

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I'm laughing my head off at some of these !
Reminds me of a blind date a friend set me up on with a friend of her OH when I was about 19 . I'd been told he was very good looking newly single so though why not .
Met him in the pub he was indeed very handsome , he bought us a drink I thought great then he asked if could have one of my cigarettes I thought no problem . I got the next drink whilst he proceeded to help himself to chain smoke my fags then confessed he was skint as had just split up with the mother of his 4 kids and began ranting about what a bitch she was etc
I decided to bail early said good bye and went to catch the bus home he then appears at the bus stop to ask if we could see each other again I said thanks but no thanks he then asked for a couple more fags and any chance I could spare his bus fare home the chancer