Stories of stingiest first dates

[frtedsbed]

Just comparing experiences here at a friends ... jaw dropping stuff!

Mine asked me to transfer money for a coffee and cake after our first date which was a walk and feeding the ducks.
I thought we were going for lunch ... that was the original invite.
Another asked me to transfer money to r a takeaway having offered to pay for my child and I , as he stayed at mine every weekend. Both ended there and then !

If a man has asked you out ,surely a couple of coffees and maybe some lunch isnt out of the question? I think this is a sign of things to come .Mean and selfish! frankly embarassing !

Many years ago on a first date, the guy offered to buy me a drink, hefting a weighty holdall on to the table. Inside were lots of coppers. Apparently he'd robbed a couple of phoneboxes on the way in as he didn't have any money. I refused to let him and got our drinks myself. As I sat down he accidentally knocked my entire pint of Guinness into my lap. I went back to the bar and told the staff what had happened. A very lovely lady smiled, lifted the bar counter and ushered me through. I didn't look back.

Exactly this. We expect fairness from men, we need to show it ourselves!!

I went on a first date where we were both driving so we ordered a can of coke each. He made a point of asking the waiter after we ordered to split the bill. He said at the end that he thought the date had gone well so he’d be willing to pay for my can. I didn’t take him up on his generous offer.

I don’t believe in all the 50:50 crap so no point trying to goad me on it.

It makes me so sad for the way that dating has gone reading this. I split a very cheap tacos date on date #2 with my now husband. A lot of women would not have gone to the cheap venue and would not have offered to split it/would have been taken back at the fact that he took me up on the offer to split the meal. Ultimately, he has a great job, and is very well off. He was completely fed up of going out for expensive dates with women knowing his job/value and being taken advantage of. It worked out very well for me as he is a great husband regardless of his money, and he in fact is not cheap or mean, but was just fed up of the attitudes of people online dating. Moral of the story, don't dump someone for asking you to split a bill.

And what if the man has to go on a lot of first dates (as women also have to do sometimes)? Imagine how that much could end up costing?

You don't believe in equality??

No I believe in equity. Most people don’t understand the difference.

I'll happily go 50:50 when men are expected to get waxes, buy make-up, have botox, etc.

But I am obviously a dinosaur, so it's lucky I'm already married. bad luck DH

Couldn't agree more with this. I also met a lovely man when online dating and we are still together 2.5 years later... I think he appreciated the fact that I didn't just treat him like a cash machine.

It should be 50/50 at the start of dating. I’m not even young and know how outdated a man paying is. Funnily enough I had lost a bet with a work colleague about the Welsh referendum, I know it’s a bit of an odd one. The loser had to take the other one out for a curry. It became our first date as we got off with each other in the interim period, no idea if that term is still used. So I paid in full for our first real date. It’s our 25 year wedding anniversary this year.

Not me, but a friend...

He asked her out on a date and suggested the Zoo for something different.

He had buy one get one free voucher for entry (fair enough)... except she had to pay for her ticket and he used the 'free' one.

I’ve said this before but convincing us that we need to look ‘less grabby’ by splitting everything even on the first date is a brilliant trick they’ve played on us. And having us think it’s because they’re a ‘progressive feminist type’ is even more brilliant.

Funny how none of the ‘equalising’ is anything that actually benefits us.

My ds went on a date with someone he worked with, so she knew he didn’t earn a lot. Her card conveniently didn’t work and by the end of the evening he was practically cleaned out and was skint for the rest of the month, but he didn’t mind as she said she’d pay next time.
She messaged him later that night to say there was no spark so didn’t want a second date. She has a loaded family, with a fairly privileged life, there’s no way she had no access to money.
He’d genuinely give someone his last pound, but is increasingly frustrated by the expectation of an expensive evening always being on him - not to mention sometimes he’s the one being asked out! And if you’re paying for 2 people, on minimum wage, it always is expensive.
It’s 2024. At least offer to pay your way.

Yeah, I think the guy should've bought his date a glass of wine.

The ‘equality’ argument, when properly examined, is so often just a thin veil for misogyny.

So how do define equity? Fairness? What is fair about expecting a man to always pay?

I’ve said this before but convincing us that we need to look ‘less grabby’ by splitting everything even on the first date is a brilliant trick they’ve played on us. And having us think it’s because they’re a ‘progressive feminist type’ is even more brilliant.

Exactly this. We're enabling bad manners, and then congratulating them for it.

Well how about we can pay on first dates when the gender pay gap is equalised, women don’t lag behind at work and get overlooked because of maternity leave, letting their career slide to look after a man’s children?

Exactly this.

It’s not fair that women are the ones who have to potentially risk their lives having babies, either.

but we live in a world that likes to deny basic biology so…

I’m not goading, generally interested. If that’s how you value someone, how come it doesn’t work both ways? Unless you have an exceptionally high opinion of yourself and don’t think you need to. If they apply your logic, wouldn’t they think you don’t value them?

Personally I’ve never let a man pay for me without offering to pay myself. I’ve always seen it as an equal thing.

Honestly surprised at how outdated some of these responses seem to me. But hey ho, each to their own - happily married here for 20 years, maybe the scene has gone back to the 1950s.

If you let your career slide in order to look after a man's children then that's a pretty silly decision on your part.

It’s not in our hands. Employers see women of childbearing age as a risk, maternity leave will mark your card in many instances.