Possible TAAT but men who post here.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I'm a tiny bit suspicious that men who post here sometimes do it to coerce or learn how to coerce their DP or DW. One very recent thread was up for what, an hour, before it was withdrawn by the author. All very respectful posts disagreeing with him. MNHQ deleted it though. TAAT but also about lots of threads.

My worry is that he wanted to show his DW. LOOK women agree with me.

I don't know what my point is, and I'm not one of the people who wants to ban men. Maybe that we should be careful.

Well some step grandmothers call themselves 'grandmothers' and if they have not birthed a child themselves would they be allowed?

Personally I am happy with anyone on here

Not all grandmothers are - to some it is a label

a label I have no issue with

😅 Jesus...

Trigger warning DV.

I have a job where I have to go into homes after we've moved someone because of domestic violence. I can count on the fingers of one finger the number of recent violently abusive women beating up a man I've seen recently. And in that case I called the police, she was removed, never to be seen again. I've seen blood on the walls and fist holes in doors many many times when we've had to move women away from men. And the man is back time and again to terrorise the woman and children. So no, women aren't just as bad.

in general I am in favour of men asking women on advice regarding their relationships with women in their lives...it would make sense, right? However, having read through some posts / threads they don't come here for advice. They come to vent and give advice. How do they even get here?

I think it's the male-pattern entitlement and male-pattern aggression, plus sexism and denial about the realities of women's lives and the structural inequalities women face, that I'd happily do without here.

I like men who recognise women’s spaces, and leave us to it. I don’t know a single man in real life (my real life consists of lovely, caring, decent, good men) who’d come on here.

With you 100%

I just find it downright weird and creepy quite frankly.

it is a uniquely male-feature to angrily step into a space simply because they were told it's not for them

how to get an average man on mumsnet to take his kids to a play area? tell him men are not allowed there

@MrsTerryPratchett YANBU. I find 99% of them suspicious. My eyes start rolling as soon as I read - here’s a male’s perspective 😏; and the eternally long/boring threads they start.
Just get lost!

I wish we could know how many men are posting on mn (either as 'man here', or pretending to be a woman).

I suspect its about 30% of posts.

But it could just be less , posting prolifically under different user names.

Either way, they often completely change the tone of a thread

There are a few recognisable men posters, who just seem to post to "correct" women's genuine concerns

For example:
He's not pulling his weight? Maybe you're nagging him too much
He's not affectionate? A bit gropey? You're not giving him enough sex
He won't engage with the kids? He works hard and you don't

These recognisable posters (in my opinion) desperately want to maintain a dying status quo of male entitlement and do so by posting archaic views as mainstream views

I sort of don't mind the men who chip in with their perspective - but I also doubt that they are representative, and do kind of question their motives.

What I can't stand is the men who start threads about "Why oh why is my wife upset with me, I only want to help her, she is so unreasonable and I just don't understand, here is a list of all the wonderful things I do and a list of all the awful things she does". And then along come all the posters to say "you sound really nice, she sounds horrible". Yeah of course - because he wrote the post! On Mumsnet, of all places. Wonder why. Wonder why these men don't speak to their wives rather than try and wheedle a certificate of good conduct out of women who've never met them.

There are certain subjects that are taboo, and may lead to "life change" moments if I expressed my thoughts.

FWIW I didn't appreciate that many posters considered this a woman only space when I first joined (over a decade ago now).

I've learnt an awful lot while I've been here, and I'd like to think I value the more truthful perspective that I get from the "relationships" section. Not something you find in other places.

If MN HQ decided it should be women only I can understand that and would leave.

The motive is to obtain a balanced view. I think a lot of men come on here because they know if they posted/discussed something in a male dominated environment, they'd get a male perspective.

Its maturity to go across the table and ask questions to people you are expecting to disagree with you, because then you can reflect and be more self aware around your own actions and behaviours.

I go onto "MRA" forums, feminist forums, LGBT+ forums, right wing, left wing, because it gives me a broader understanding of the world and how people differ vastly in their outlook, and how conflicts happen.

I will even post the same question on all those forums if i want advice, so I obtain a 360 degree view of the problem from a canvas of opinions that I wouldn't be able to obtain easily offline.

This thread just seems to be more about controlling the users allowed to access MN like a "mum only club". Mumsnet is just a brand name and a target market, it's not a requirement. In the same way an 80yr old is not the target market for ChatGPT and other advanced technology. It doesn't mean you exclude them from it.

I came on here for advice about my wife's affair.
I have to say I had some good and some dreadful advice/comments.
Overall glad I came on but equally (although I was fragile at the time) glad I was still robust enough to ignore some of the man hate I saw.

This a space for female solidarity and to escape male behaviour on the internet.

See there are lots of posts over the years I have seen calling out "man hate" on here. And some of them have been quite right. But on a frequent basis what is labelled :man hate" is in fact the experience and ability to recognise male patterns of behaviour which negatively impact women

@Vretz what sort of issue can fit following criteria:
-be so complex as to require multiple and even extreme view points
-be so important as to require you to post on these multiple boards the exact same question
-fit in with general theme of these boards

and out of curiosity - how much time do you have to post those presumably theoretical questions all over the internet?

I come on here because I am a father and it is the best parenting resource on the internet by a long way. I recognise the relationship threads aren't really my space, but I do read them because I think seeing an unfiltered women's perspective makes me a better partner

... and it always turns out to be that he wants more sex

It doesn't matter how reasonable you are. A lot of women on here will hate you anyway because they hate men. I have this theory that most women have an unconscious fear that all men will kill them so they secretly hate them. Even their husbands and sons.