Dp won’t let me just have a week away with family

[freddosarebest]

Curious about this. How would you feel if you planned a weeks holiday with your dc to meet up with your mum who lives overseas, when dp of 8 months is also on a planned trip to see his family elsewhere, and then dp said he wanted to come and meet up with you on your holiday despite the fact you’d booked and made plans?

this has actually happened to me twice now with this person. I’m not sure if it’s a controlling red flag. We live really close together and see each other all the time, so it’s not a LDR or anything. I was looking forward to a trip with my mum and dc. I feel like if I said that to Dp he would take offence, which is why last time I said yes to him crashing and I ended up taking a day and a night away from my family.

Please listen to pp and end it today. If you were to end up living together he'd be one of those men who don't let women see their other friends because they'd "miss" you and you could end up very isolated.

Bin him. He will ruin your life.

I think maybe OP’s mum is visiting from overseas and they will all still be in the uk, unless I’ve got that wrong?

I know that you’re not very far into this relationship but he’s already exerting quite a level of control. Women on threads, where a woman is controlled often recommend the book Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft. May be worth a read. In any case you need to work on your boundaries.

I think you know this relationship won’t work. Make yourself act like you would in a healthy relationship- him: ‘I just want an afternoon with you’ you: sure, tomorrow, next week, anything works. That week I’ve booked to spend with my mum, no. I’ll be spending it all with her and the kids, that’s the whole reason I’m going.
him: waaaah waaah I think I’m dumping you then.
you: ok sounds good. Bye.

As your reaction isn't that's lovely he can meet my mum then I think you should.end it.

Say exactly what you feel to him

'Oh no, not this time I'm just going to spend the time with my family while away and we'll have time again when I'm back'

No sorry etc, you have nothing to be sorry for, he's asking you if you can change your plans for a day - you don't want to.

Dont dread it, see it as you being honest with your boundaries - if he acts in a way that shows he doesn't respect your boundaries, then personally I would ditch

Finish with him. Just. Forever.
Eight months in and he's controlling what you do with your own dc and your own mother. He can fuck off.

It's totally valid to want to spend a week with your family. Say sorry I can't meet up as I will be with my mum and kids every day.

If he pesters be firm but watch how he reacts.

The reason people are mentioning dv is that this is often how it is on the early stages. For example my ex dh wanted to see me all the time or at least talk. He wanted to know where I am what I was doing, it sounded like he was interested, but then if I was out with friends he would just turn up in the pub. If I didn't tell him where I was he would be angry. This escalated after we moved in together to things like what I wore, who I was friends with. He never punched me in the face or anything but he would squeeze my arms tight, 'accidentally' push me over , pinch me or grab my jaw/throat/hair. The more committed we got - marriage, kids etc the worse it got.

The first couple of years should be fun , light hearted, getting to know each other. Enjoying time together. Whether it's going to escalate or not you shouldn't be worrying about saying no to him.

I think the most telling thing here is how nervous you feel about saying no to him. That would be the biggest red flag, I reckon.

Let this trip be the ultimate test then. You do what you've planned on your holiday, keep repeating the line "sorry we already have plans" when he brings up his suggestions and if he sulks post visit, tell him to stop making everything about himself and that you're done.

If he makes you feel uncomfortable then this is not a healthy relationship. I think you'll be happier without him, on holiday and generally.

Oh OP...you really should read more about controlling relationships. This is exactly what is happening to you. It feels 'off' because it IS.
Don't believe us? Do some research yourself then get rid of this overbearing, clingy, suffocating man.
It's not because he loves you...it's because he wants to control you. He wants to make sure that he is being prioritised above all else, even your own needs and wishes.
You are already afraid to tell him no and you're only eight months in. Now is the time to let your instinct protect you and end it.

Say no. Explain why. And watch.
If he isn't anything but understanding it's a red flag.

You're only eight months in and he's already suffocating and controlling and you're scared of telling him no. Honestly, you need to finish with him. Otherwise he will just make it harder and harder to leave.

This is the biggest red flag. You’re not happy or comfortable in this relationship.

This man is Mr Wrong. He has and continues to test your boundaries to see what you will tolerate. End this now before you get even more hurt by him.

This is your answer! You need to end it

He sounds controlling and the sulking when you don’t “behave” is a text book abuse tactic to get you to avoid doing whatever he doesn’t want you to do in future. Have you seen any other signs of abuse? I’m very glad your children haven’t met him.

I think I would tell him I was cancelling the visit to your mum. THEN I would break up with him, citing neediness and controlling behaviour.

Then go to your mum's.

Also, I hope you've got gold standard contraception.

I presume you are afraid of saying no to him because of his reactions both spoken and unspoken. That is a huge red flag re him you must not ignore.

Do a Claire's law request. He's very manipulative and controlling. He has no respect for your boundaries also. Enjoy your holiday op

Exactly this!!

Its not normal to have so much anxiety about talking to your partner!!

This isn’t healthy and needs to end asap!!

Not normal.
At all.

And yes as other said. At 8m he is a bloke you are dating not your DP.

He is clingy and sulks....more red flags

Personally I'd break up you dont sound compatible long term unless you want to let him decide what you do and how you behave.