Dp won’t let me just have a week away with family

[freddosarebest]

Curious about this. How would you feel if you planned a weeks holiday with your dc to meet up with your mum who lives overseas, when dp of 8 months is also on a planned trip to see his family elsewhere, and then dp said he wanted to come and meet up with you on your holiday despite the fact you’d booked and made plans?

this has actually happened to me twice now with this person. I’m not sure if it’s a controlling red flag. We live really close together and see each other all the time, so it’s not a LDR or anything. I was looking forward to a trip with my mum and dc. I feel like if I said that to Dp he would take offence, which is why last time I said yes to him crashing and I ended up taking a day and a night away from my family.

Ah sorry i now see that he's not met your DC

Just tell him the truth that you want time with your Mom. You all can do a family thing another time that includes him. I would be very nervous if he didn't back off when you explain the truth to him. It sounds very controlling to me.

I really hope you've had a chance to process everything and get some perspective on this bonkers relationship. I applaud you for putting your child first, not everyone does. Now just keep going. Please get far away from this man. Best case scenario he is just a needy selfish person. Worst case he is a potential abuser who will disrupt you your child's and your mother's life and bring danger and misery into your Iives. Do you really want to find out which one he is??? No man is worth this risk. None!! Good luck xx

It's interesting that you picked up quickly on this post when itk l
is possibly the only one in which the BF is not being considered in a negative light.
You have no reason whatsoever to worry about him being included or feeling left out...this simply isn't your responsibility.
You want to see your mum with your dc and you do not want him to come , that really should be the end of the matter.
You say he hasn't been introduced to your children so going away with him on holiday would be too much for them I feel, at this stage In any case.
In addition, the posters are correct, there are red flags a plenty here and you are worried to have to tell him . That is NOT good. You know that. You have been a great mum not introducing him to the dc yet so I would very much be getting out of the relationship before their emotional well-being is in any way involved .
I do hope you take care op.

Dump him! 😳

That sounds so like "gaslighting" The gaslighter always manage to twist words and scenarios round to make it sound as though you're at fault or being unreasonable!

As differentAlgebra has said.......

It wouldn't matter what communication you did, wouldn't matter how much or little, it would have been wrong because he didn't want you to be away from his control.

Just block him no more pussy footing around. Your opening line 'he won't let me" you're not tied at the neck to him. Tell him to get to fuck. I bet he's not even seeing his friend that's another tall tale.

You don't know for certain his family thinks it's weird he hasn't met your children, he's probably making that up for you to second guess yourself.

He's a classic headfuck. I think there's some sort of handbook that these types of guys memorise.

I have only made 2 posts on mn, can we please keep the troll hunting off the thread?

He was like “you won’t even need me if you go overseas to see her, you’ll have her to talk to, you only want me in our city when you have nothing else going on”.

You realise that he had basically told he would become (or is!) abusive and would like to separate you from your family right?

I know you are worried he might do something stupid when you are back. But really you’d be better off blocking him.
Send him an email as he loves them so much reiterating it’s not working. There is nothing more to explain and you dint want him to continue contacting him.

Thats it. You dint owe him an explanation. You don’t have any responsibility towards him anymore. He has become again a nobody in your life.
Don’t let him think that this is somehow not the case and you should do X or Y.

Ignore them OP, they think they’re Sherlock bloody Holmes’s but can’t keep track of basic info.

And even if it was the case, it doesn’t fucking matter.

What matters is that the OP is getting the support she needs. If she isn’t ready to act on it straight away, it’s ok.
If she needs support again, it’s ok.

But if YOU have a problem with it, then dont engage, hide the thread agd spend your time in something else. You dint get to police how much people posts about their relationship

I feel like you are putting yourself through unnecessary anguish by trying to justify your behaviour and feelings. You don't need to do.that.

All you need to know is that the man has issues which make it dangerous to be in a relationship with him. Those issues were there before you, you cannot fix them, and they will stay with him until he takes responsibility and seeks professional help.

Don't burden yourself with his mind fuckery. This is all on him. All you need to know is that you must protect yourself by keeping him out of your life. You can protect yourself better by working on your self esteem and bou diaries.

Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. Why are you afraid at such an early stage to offend him? How are you going to cope with his insecurity when he starts trying to control how you behave or dress when he can't keep you in check? You've only known him 8 months. He shouldn't be controlling you. And didn't you mention you had a child??? Can you ever see your DP taking your DC away on holiday for a week? How much do you trust him?

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 please dump him now

You answered your own question.

Hope you get some support op

On the grey rock vs blocking, I would say mute/don't reply rather than block.

After I broke up with a jerk who sounds eerily similar (why? Why are all controlling men the same?), he sent me a barrage of messages (over weeks) that flip flopped between begging me to get back with him and insulting and belittling me. It was extremely effective at opening my eyes to the utter ridiculousness of his behavior.

Yeah I thought that was odd too. I've been with my DP for years and years and I've never sent him an email. Wattsapp and calls only.

Why the fuck are you still giving him airtime?

This isn't just a "red flag", this is also smacking you on the head with the flag pole. Your are already frightened on this man's reaction to "no" and you know this isn't loving behaviour. Please get out of this abusive relationship.

Sorry op, but it sounds like you already know you want to & need to end it. Do it, then go chill with your mum & your babies.

You only the answer to this.
No, just say no for gods sake! Why is it so hard for women to say what they want. We are so conditioned to people please. Or pacify.
Honestly … it’s very liberating when you do it.
Be firm. Be polite. Just say ‘ I want this time with my Mum.’ End of discussion . Tough shit he doesn’t like it. If he gives you shit for it. Leave him. I would consider that already to be honest. And yes…. It is a RED FLAG.
Dont ignore it. You have a child to bring up.And try to have more confidence in yourself and what you want!

He wants constant communication yet wants to make communicating as difficult as possible for you, even if you were so inclined.

You seem like a really nice woman who just wants to do what grown ups do, that includes spending time apart and spending time with your kids and family. That is perfectly normal and don't for a second let him make you think it's not. You deserve so much better than this, this man needs someone with no responsibilities, no one else and nothing else important in their life apart from him. He just doesn't sound the man for you.

Imagine if he this went on, could you see him as the type of man that would embrace the package you come as and not resent the time you give to your DC?

You've done the right thing calling time on it, you really have.

Just dump and block. Stop giving him headspace.