Dp won’t let me just have a week away with family

[freddosarebest]

Curious about this. How would you feel if you planned a weeks holiday with your dc to meet up with your mum who lives overseas, when dp of 8 months is also on a planned trip to see his family elsewhere, and then dp said he wanted to come and meet up with you on your holiday despite the fact you’d booked and made plans?

this has actually happened to me twice now with this person. I’m not sure if it’s a controlling red flag. We live really close together and see each other all the time, so it’s not a LDR or anything. I was looking forward to a trip with my mum and dc. I feel like if I said that to Dp he would take offence, which is why last time I said yes to him crashing and I ended up taking a day and a night away from my family.

@freddosarebest you are well shot of this one! This all sounds like it would be the first step in trying to isolate you from your family, a very controlling tactic! He actually sounds like a really needy, clingy nightmare too.

He's an absolute wet wipe, "me, me, me, what about me????" Why does he need constant communication when you're busy with your mum, or any family or friends if it's not about controlling your every move? My teen niece dumped her BF for being weirdly needy and crying shouting at her because she didnt text him every hour when we went on holiday. He sounds like the adult version of him!

When he's like this now, he'll only get worse the more comfortable he gets, and will eventually try to stop you from going all together. I say run for the hills.

Omg imagine 🤣🤣

He'll be absolutely stewing in the room, staring at his phone for hours, waiting for it to bleep. It's actually a scarily psychotic image isn't it 😳

🙄🙄🙄

If it’s a name change how do you know who it is?
Maybe it’s you ? 🤣

OP: sent that email yet, I hope? Once done, block on everything.
On another note, I think you’ve had some excellent advice here. I really wish I’d been on mumsnet with my 2 previous disastrous relationships. One, I would’ve been talked out of going back repeatedly to an abusive, gaslighting alcoholic, and another for not ignoring all the red flags for a narcissist looking for new supply.

How long does it take to draft an email saying "you're a nutter, we are done"?

He doesnt deserve any more than that. Everything you say above that will be picked apart, so why bother? Actually - just "we are done" is enough

I really hope you have ended things with him.

I was in a relationship like this when I was younger. Starts off clingy and love bombing, them before you know it he has full control of what you do, who you see etc. I couldn't even imagine being in this situation with children.

And yes it did turn to DV after a while, during situations where he obviously wasn't happy I wasn't "doing what I was told" etc

So you didn't break up with him on that phone call? Why not?

I really hope you do end it. You’d be bonkers to stay now.

Oh my God, you've posted about this guy so many times before!!! Am I the only one that sees this? Just fucking get rid of him for fucks sake!!!!

What in eight months? It's a no brainier. Why cling on and try and work it out? Run!

Jeez - the more you post, the more 'stalker' vibes I'm getting.

Dump now. Block every-fucking where. Police if he turns up. Don't let him know your flight details, in case he turns up at the airport.

Seriously, he sounds not just controlling, but also obsessed, and the Obsessed are never rational, calm or accepting.

Dump him before you go on your next trip away... for the love of God... just fucking RUN!

I very recently watched a program where an amazing young woman called Alice was murdered by her 'bf'.. In the interview her dps mentioned a thought that occurred to them. The term stalker.... is the act of watching, following and eventually killing 'prey'...
Stalking is dangerous..
Don't be his prey op. You are imo underestimating his capabilities..

Oh no really?

OP if this is true then you need to think about getting some help to unpick why you're tolerating this kind of behaviour rather than ending it sooner.

Especially because you have kids. It's great you haven't introduced them to him but it's worrying you've apparently posted multiple times with concerns but stayed with him.

He also told me to end it if I want to.

Why didn't you?

Soo many red flags here
Time to LTB

This thread is moving in the inevitable Mumsnet direction - I.e from 'OMG you poor thing, you must do this and this' to 'Why TF haven't you done what we said yet OP, FFS, you're so shit'. Give her a minute!

I am ignoring the troll-esque 'Oh, is it you again' posts.

He also told me to end it if I want to. I was really disgusted at his tone and what he said about me, and a bit ashamed to say I hung up. I’m now drafting an e mail which feels harsh but I just cannot anymore.

Don't be ashamed, it was a natural reaction. Draft the email, have your say, get your closure, take control and tell him it's over.

Email? Fuck that. I ended my last marriage in a short curt text message..

Email is likely cathartic for OP.

That's absolutely key - while you're away from him it allows you to think more clearly and more like yourself, and to recognise that what he wants (basically just to control your behaviour and your relationships) is not what you want. Get on that holiday with your mum and enjoy it. Do break free of him, that stuff he's doing is poison for your soul.

Based on this RUN FOR THE HILLS!!! Protect your DC and yourself!!!!

Indeed - why are you fannying about here?

Omg yes abusers test the boundaries. How far can I push and manipulate and coerce this person without them standing up for themselves or saying no?

RUN FOR THE HILLS PLEASE OP.

There is someone much much better waiting for you elsewhere.