Called the police

[Userccjlnhibibljn8]

I finally snapped and called the police this evening, and my husband has been arrested. He was drunk and angry and hit me. It’s been escalating for months. In between feeling heartbroken what do I do next. Someone will be calling me in the morning to discuss next steps, and I assume if I want to take things further. We are married so what do I do? I put most money into the house, and I don’t want to have to be the one who leaves. Has anyone else been here and have advice. My heart can’t quite believe I have done this, but my head says I need to be safe and nothing short of a miracle can take us back to a good place.

Assume good intentions is generally a good working practice. Sometimes people can still do the wrong thing even with good intentions.

Major step today - I instructed my lawyers to tell him that I am starting divorce proceedings. I feel relieved that I have done that.

Well done!
That's excellent news.

Time for a bottle of fizz?

Amazing news!!! 👏

To be honest don't feel at all like celebrating, it is a horrible step in a horrible series of events. However, onwards, one day I will wake up with my heart feeling lighter. 🌾

You can celebrate progress while mourning the end of an era.

You can toast the future.

And you can curl up in a ball under your duvet and come out when you feel better.

All of those are perfectly valid ways to feel and behave.

Hang in there. Maybe it’s a hot chocolate, popcorn and weepy movie day rather than a champagne day.

You know, after I posted about the champagne, I had a feeling that you wouldn't be ready to toast anything yet. I'm sorry if I made you feel worse.

please don’t worry! You didn’t xxx

This whole grieving thing is a bugger. Despite all I know about what he did, and how unhappy I was, I still miss him. I think I'm getting better at dealing with it, and I know I can't just unravel 10 years of marriage in an instant, but at the moment I'm welling up anytime I see something romantic, or I think about places we were happy. I burst into tears in the middle of my choir practice last night, it wasn't even a song that was part of our life together. My attention span is still shot, and I am feeling so tired - but if I stop for too long my mind takes over and I think I prefer being tired to that. I know this will pass, and it is to be expected, but I wish I could get rid of the thoughts of guilt that still sneak in, as they are not helpful at all (and I know not justified). Onwards to a busy weekend. 🌷

Have you thought about counselling? You’re obviously moving through stages of grief, it’s not good to get stuck at one ( I did after DH died, caused a lot of difficulties I could have avoided) Hopefully therapy would help you move through the stages and reach acceptance.
Your brain knows you’ve done all the right things , it’s just your emotions haven’t caught up yet.

Aw I'm sorry you're feeling so sad.

Is it a church choir or a choral society?

Thank you, yes I am having counselling, both formally and informally with a friend who is qualified and very helpfully is on the end of a phone when I need it. I do think I am moving throught the phases, and my therapist is helping sign post me throught it..

Thank you. Its a fairly secular church choir....we were singing an Elvis song! They have been brilliant, and someone there does know my story, so I had a shoulder to cry on.....

I think you can miss a romantic relationship- a partner- while not missing the one you actually had.
And a good cry is cathartic.

A good sing is also cathartic.
I've sung in choirs all my life and the emotional release of singing cannot be underestimated IMO.

@TheShellBeach you are so right! I love being part of a choir. We are enthusiastic if not polished! And it has been a wonderful way to get involved in the local community.

I've always loved it, and really enjoyed all Gareth Malone's choir series.
It fills me with joy.

Sitting in bed this morning, listening to the rain falling. He used to love that sound. I am mourning that human being, who was also someone else, who exactly a year ago behaved like an absolute shit. Somehow I have to hold both those people in my heart and mind

Sending a handhold this morning OP.
I also love the sound of rain when snuggled up in bed. A storm outside when you're under a blanket with a book is the best thing ever.
What are your plans for the day?

@Incakewetrust Thank you! The small things are often the hardest. I have a good day planned with my best friend. We are off to buy sausages and books! I hope you have a lovely day. 📖📚

Please let me know which books you buy 😊 I could do with some recommendations!
It sounds like you'll have a lovely day.

I hope you manage to take your mind off your ex. I promise this will pass. I've been exactly where you are and I thought I'd never come out of the blues but I did and you will too xxx

Books sounds good! Really, really good.

My horrible ex was jealous of my books. It sounds ridiculous, but he used to tear some of my books up when he was drunk and in one of his moods.

I think he didn't like my being interested in anything other than him.

He especially hated my P.G.Wodehouse books because (apparently) I shouldn't enjoy anything about someone who had a servant.

Thank you for your messages @TheShellBeach and @Incakewetrust . I only got one book, (to add to my pile of unread books). It is Lady Macbethad…..according to the blurb ‘’achieves the unthinkable…..wicked queen into empathetic heroine…..’. I’ll report back!

Shellbeach, it sounds almost funny in retrospect, but I can absolutely relate. My husband did not like ‘guddle’, despite filling the house and garage with boys toys. When we moved I was made to clear out so much sentimental stuff without a chance to think and maybe find alternative solutions. The origin of his issue was clear (hoarding parents) but the execution was horrible.
anyway I am now enjoying the house with my stuff in it to enjoy as I want too, with so many small ‘rules’ abandoned.

I do find it hard watching normal (at least from the outside) couples. I hope one day I might find that feeling again, because I do miss that level of companionship and partnership. We had enough of that in The early days for me to know what it should feel like.

Thank you for listening and sharing with me
🌿

Sounds like the perfect book!

How was your day with your friend?

I can't believe he wouldn't let you have your things in your own home! With each comment you make about him, you paint more of a picture of this arsehole. I really am
So proud of you for leaving

It's a tough road you're walking. 1 step forward, 2 back sometimes. The damage can last a lifetime. It's not always rosy on the other side. You do have to keep reminding yourself why you left. It's easy to forget and gloss over the bad stuff and moon over the good. I wrote down all the bad things and kept reading it to strengthen my resolve. I still have the list but never look at it now. Took me over a year to fall asleep before 3am. Podcasts through the night were my friend. You really do just have to keep going, realising that you will feel wretched at times and want to go back but knowing you can't.