Called the police

[Userccjlnhibibljn8]

I finally snapped and called the police this evening, and my husband has been arrested. He was drunk and angry and hit me. It’s been escalating for months. In between feeling heartbroken what do I do next. Someone will be calling me in the morning to discuss next steps, and I assume if I want to take things further. We are married so what do I do? I put most money into the house, and I don’t want to have to be the one who leaves. Has anyone else been here and have advice. My heart can’t quite believe I have done this, but my head says I need to be safe and nothing short of a miracle can take us back to a good place.

That's a very good and positive update, OP.

It sounds like things are beginning to come together for you now.
It'll take a long while before you get your head round it all, but you're definitely getting there.

I’m testing out a day and a half by myself, I have kept myself busy with seeing people and doing things for 5 months now. I’m doing OK, my emotions have been so much better in the last week, so now I need to see where my mind takes me when it is just me. So I will do some gardening and enjoy my space. I have realised I feel calm in my house now and the garden, but I am not at ease in the landscape, and I still worry about cars passing outside and if the dogs bark unexpectedly. It is like I am in a safe bubble but the outside is still alien.

I heard from the police, the case is going to the CPS soon, I’m putting that to the back of my mind as it now makes no difference to me. If it is all dropped I will be OK, if not I’ll deal with that.

So I am still going forward,🌼

Glad you're doing well Op, keep going!

It’s good you’re learning to identify the worrying bits- both so you can understand and address it but also so you recognise the safe bits.

Home should be a safe bubble. That’s good. It’s where you recuperate and gather energy ready for the next venture out!

@pickledandpuzzled Thank you! I am glad my home feels safe, it is helping me with some practical decision making, which is starting to give me a plan for the future. I have a good legal team on my side, so I hope we will get to a proposal on the divorce side as soon a possible then we both can move on.

A few weeks on, and overall I am doing well. Again I'm documenting here to help me see my progression. I've had some wobbles, I was talking with my therapist, around it coming up to 6 months since I called the police, 2 seasons. It is the time of the year we used to say to each other we could smell autumn, which was a change in the seasons that is one of my favourites. That had me in tears, the small things. That and a couple of conversations where people assume that because i have started the divorce process somehow he is out of my life. The truth is he is there just under the surface every day, waiting for triggers and the sadness that I am having to do this. My head is absolutely sure it is right, but that does not stop it being totally shit.
But in good news, I am starting to make plans, and be more comfortable in my own company and alone in the house. I just want to get the divorce done, and the police stuff out of the way, and then I can really start my life again, knowing the parameters I can work around. Everything seems very transient, and uncetain till I know the future financial position, so one day at a time, and I will keep chanting the serenity prayer.
Thank you for listening 🌻

Hi OP and thank you for the update.
You sound sad today.
I think as summer starts to draw to a close, it's natural to be a bit regretful. You've got plenty of reasons for this.

All I can say is, Keep on keeping on. You've made the right choice and better things await you.
All of us on here are listening and cheering you on.

@TheShellBeach Thank you for your answer, I think it is less the overwhelming grief I felt in the early days, more an ache, and a realisation that he is gone from my world, through my choice. I do still feel guilt, and sadness for him, I spent many years worrying about him, how he felt, what he thought, and desparately trying to make things better for him and us. Sometimes I sort of turn around in my thoughts and remember that all of that is gone, and do feel an emptiness. I still have to school myself to remember the bad, and that it is grief and sadness about what I hoped rather than what was.

sending you a big warm hug OP, its ok to be sad, your going through a lot!

Hi OP! It's nice to hear from you again 🙂
As always, I'm sending you a massive hug!
It took me a good couple of years to feel like I was over my abusive ex. Trauma bonds are so complex that it hits so much harder than a 'normal' break up.
You will get there, it'll just take time.
Have you got any plans for the summer? Xxx

I noticed exactly the same thing today- the start of the end of summer. For me it was the geese starting to practice flying!

Do you have anyone or anything else to fuss over and look after? I always need something to nurture. Pot plants, fish… ideally cats and dogs! 🤣

Thank you all. I have two dogs to cuddle and focus on looking after. And tomato plants!

I have two raised beds with tomatoes cucumbers courgettes, some flowers and now butternut squash and a pumpkin plant ! So much joy from something so simple, I just love looking at my plant babies. when I get home from work, have a cuppa and check what's grown :) Isn't life funny how its the simplest things in life give you the most pleasure?
Im glad you have furry company, dogs are the best!

I have figs and a furry baby. Dog shaped. But definitely humandog. At least that’s what he thinks and it would be mean to disagree.

It’s my first year of more than one fig and I’m so excited about it. My garden is a bit of a disappointment due to very patchy light, but the fog made it up above the wall and is now fruiting heavily! Yum.

This is the time for you to start to get to know your true self now op. What's your passion in life? What excited you, what makes you feel joy, peace, happiness, excitement. For me it's hiking in the mountains. I've always loved it but this year I've really embraced it and it's the thing I look forward to each week. I've build strong friendships, something I couldn't invest in when I wasn't 'allowed' out. Never look back op, embrace that freedom and make every day count. Even if you spend a bit of time reading, self care, movie night, whatever. Just find stuff that makes you content and fill your wonderful life 🥳

Thank you all for your words, Yesterday was a bit of a wobble, but today is Friday, and if the weather holds for tomorrow, I will go and swim in the sea! I have a friend coming on Sunday, and I hope that we will plot some travel plans. ✈ I

Oh boy! I love swimming in the sea.

I did it! Writing from the beach cafe with my egg and bacon roll! (And now wondering why I haven’t done this before!) xx

Yesssss! The first step towards the life you truly want. Well done OP, keep going!! X

Fabulous! I enjoy a sea swim. Don’t get there as often as I’d like- live about as far away as you can, in the uk!

Oh darling.
I'm so happy, reading your update from the sea.

I wish I could join you. I think we're both in Scotland?

Ah @TheShellBeach I’m down in the Southwest, so a ways from Scotland. The connection was through my husband.

I had a wonderful few days on the west coast of Scotland last June, there would be no more beautiful place to swim!

It was a 45 min drive for me this morning, so worth it! When I think all journeys anywhere in London took an hour it was simple!

Well, I live in Argyll.
We used to live in London, so it's a big change. But we're very happy here.

Read your whole thread and so happy you are beginning to carve a life out for yourself

And a bit of a step back. Heard today through my lawyers that my husband was in hospital following a heart attack. That is all I know, and I know it would not be the right thing for me to do to reach out to his relative, and rationally I know that this all his own doing. Argghhhhhh