Affair - do I tell his partner?

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Hi all,
NC for this as I don’t want this linked to other threads I’m on.

I had an affair (5 months but living quite far apart so not continuous). I’m married, AP is in a relationship (not living together).

I have told my dh last month and we’re working through it. There were some ‘mitigating’ circumstances and he wants to stay together, as do I. I think we’ll make it as we are both very clear in where we want to be, and there is a lot of love between us.

AP has not told his partner. As they are not living together, he has been able to keep it away from her. The affair was quite intense with very sincere feelings between us. It was both emotional and physical.

I have cut all contact, but it grates that he is not telling his partner anything and I am considering telling her. On one hand, because I would want to know in her situation.
But truthfully there is also a part in me that doesn’t want him to continue as if nothing happened, and ‘getting away with it’ . Not very nice, I know, but that thought keeps popping up.

Has anyone in this situation, contacted the partner/wife?
any advice if I should, or shouldn’t?

Cheating isn't something that "just happens", like it's out of the person's control. Its a series of choices they make. Every lie, every illicit meeting, every kiss, each and every action is a choice so someone having an affair made a hundred choices to do that. Two hundred, five hundred.

If they're going to make all those choices to betray their partner they should at least have the guts to take responsibility and not mumble how it 'just happened'.

It didn't just happen. They made it happen.

I never understand these posts, where people choose deliberately degrading language to show just how low they think those people are.

But then they never want the other person to be told, surely this woman should know how 'low value' her partner is. Surely she deserves better, or at least to know so she has a choice whether to dump him or not.

Many don’t want to know. Deciding she should, irrelevant is such arrogant behaviour.

The irony of the op suddenly finding her moral compass to inform her ap's wife of his deceit and betrayal is remarkable.

She would only inform her ap's wife as an act of spite. She's not her friend. She owes her nothing. In fact, the op has sought to create pain and damage to both her husband and her ap's wife. And then she should add more misery in the name of some sort of new found morality? This is risible.

Is it everyone's duty then to inform people that they know their partners are cheating on them? I think it is best to stay out of other people's lives and also best not to impose what you yourself would prefer onto others.

Ohhhh u hit a nerve with me. Not because I've ever had an affair or because my other half has....becauae my mother did, and I had the misfortune to live through it and then the inevitable explosion of misery that followed.

I then had to be in the middle of a very acrimonious divorce and custody battle where my father eventually got custody... She had a nasty habit of taking me to shop ' creches' and leaving me there while she went and shagged him. Some 30 odd years later, my relationship with her has been damaged beyond repair, the AP went and did the same shit to my mother so they split, my brother developed a drug issue due to the trauma and I am finally in a happy place but more than aware of the psychological traits I've been left with through my upbringing.

That's the thing with affairs... It fucks with people who have done absolutely nothing wrong