2 children + 1 dull husband = affair

[middleclassalchy]

I have never done "message boards" before, but read an article on mumsnet in the Guardian, struck a chord..maybe there are other mothers out there who dont live their lives around which is the right school, can junior read better than a n other how many different types of veg can I fit into my Waitrose quick check bag to look
impressive.

Anyway, I am mid 30`s, married for 10 years, 2 boys and so very, very bored. Over Christmas a neighbour, who I have known for 8 years, and I started something which should not have been started and blimey, life has got so much more interesting! So far, even though he lives only 2 mins away, we have been very discreet and no one knows, however its eating me up. I now not only find my husband boring, but also am begining to dislike him.

I have a "meeting" planned for Fri evening...what do I do...carry on things as its giving me a bounce in my step and a reason to get up. Or.....?

My best friend has just tried to commit suicide because she found out her husband was having an affair with the woman across the road. Are you that woman? Because if you were, to see my friend in a psyciatriatic hospital now, now knowing if she wants to live or die, I for one would want to knock you from one week to the next.

Stop fucking around with people's lives.

I understand boredom with your life and I can see you are in an unhappy marriage. You need to address those things in a positive way and having an affair is not.

Is what you are getting from your unfaithfulness really worth the fall out? Imagine yourself in a year or ten looking at this moment. Will you be proud? Content you made the right chioces? Or will you regret the way your marriage ended, with your betrayal being held up as the reason for the break up of your family?

If you need to change your life, do it. But be braver and more honest about it.

I know not everyone judged me and I tried to make that clear, the first part of the message was for those who thought I had a drink problem within a minute etc!

Some of you, you included Madame, were kind and considerate. Good advice is not advice you want to hear. I cant talk about situation to friends so thought Id air it with the shadow of the internet. Im on line now, like you say, better than tv...its those who were posting every 2 mins in the middle of the day on Easter Sunday who worry me!

I feel a bit stuck in a rut at the moment, but it doesnt mean I will go and have an affair.

you did call yourself middleclassalchy...so, peoplel perhaps drew their own conclusions

honestly, did you expect absolution,kindness and the green light from women ... a good proportion of whom have been cheated on

Oh just read your reply to us, nice.

Yes, if you post to about risking your kids heartbreak on the back of boredom yep, people are going to give you a hard time.

As for being cyber witches. pmsl. Have a look at the rest of the supportive threads on here before you throw silly insults around.

(mind you I think that being a cyber witch sounds rather flattering )

Camilla, littlelamb wants a doulas link please

but not everyone has the same kind of life.

some are lone parents who might not have their children with them today

some mnetters are ill and on line a lot

some do not 'do' or 'celebrate' Easter

some just like to Mumsnet while the children play

dont judge

new MN logo?

Am loving being a Cyber Witch

and love the logo Camilla

No, I expected comments from women who may have been in a similar situation. Not a torrent of hate. Maybe if you see a post you dont like, dont post, move on to one where you can help the person. There were some very good posts from people who had been in a situation like mine and they were helpful. The name was something I thought of quickly, a bit of a joke...didnt think names would be considered so black and white!

You came on to find out other peoples views, well here goes.
I think you and your husband need to sit down and talk about issues you have. Find out if your marriage is worth salvaging. It seems to me that maybe you two are hanging on to each other and you dont know why. I never believe in staying together for the kids sakes, it doesnt work. You dont need to be labelled as the adulteress, dont tell your husband you are having an affair. I do think that if you really want to go ahead knocking off your next door neighbour then theres your answer.

You can hardly judge people for what time they post fgs! You know absolutely nothing of their situation! They may be working/their dcs napping/they may have laptopd in the kitchen that they browse while preparing their families organic roast lamb tenderly.

Stop making excuses, you were just being rude and flippant. Get back to the point.

i am sorry but it appears that you are judging those of us who are on line today. i am a single parent with no family around and all my friends have family. so yes i have been on lone most of the day as it is the only connection with the outside world. so i take offence especially as you are so concerned that you have been judged yet willing to judge us! and i never judged you.

You could single out my post if you think it was too harsh.
And I shall respond with my reasons behind my opinions on affairs.

bethoo
if you cant say what you want to why post at all?..

OP
you do sound like you have issues with other stuff that should be sorted out
and with cheating, you are, really in the end cheating yourself imo..
and maybe getting caught would be easier than facing up to sorting it out, but that's not fair cause there are more involved than just you or dh

people here are just being honest with you from their perspective , you asked they replied
dont get in the huff,
s'not attractive in an adult

Dont judge...ha ha ha ha

mabye people thought they were being helpful by posting about the aftermath of affairs, that htey or friends had suffered, by talking about the reality

MN does not work on the basis that we don;t agree with posts and just ignore them!

You also need to hear opinions from people who have been on the receiving end of behaviour like yours. It is the only way to get a full idea of exactly what you are doing to the people around you.

Am not sure that Mumsnet is for you Alchy.

Why not change your name and ask us about fruit shoots or baby pasta or 4X4's or parent/toddler parking as we dont have much opinion on these subjects.

Dee - why you having a go at me?i said i took offence to being judged for being on line today. after all we are all on here to give advice but she appears to have tarnished us all as witches and judge and jury where i have not.

MCA, married people who have affairs don't generally get a lot of support on mumsnet.

I'll add my voice to those who say that having an affair solves nothing. If you want the affair, divorce first. It can't be worse for your children than the risks you are currently taking.

MiddleclassAlcky, I think you're doing the right thing, thrashing this thing out on the internet. Even though some of what you'll hear is harsh, it's probably nothing that's not doing laps in your own head.

Before I left my ex, I posted my own "what the fcuk am I doing?" kind of post (on another forum). Some of the posters told me I was an idiot not to have left years ago, some said I was a troll, some took the piss, some were compassionate, one pm'd me details of single parent benefits and how to apply and loads of practical help.

Not sure if you're as close as I was to actually turning your life upside down. But even if you're not, when you've slept on all of this, the comments and opinions of a bunch of strangers, you may be one or two inches closer to understand why you're risking your marriage, and if you actually want to end it or not.

That's so scary. Making that decision. Whatever you've read here, whether it hurt you or not, I hope it gave you the perspective you were looking for.

ok fair enough.

To be honest maybe it was a mistake coming here. Its just wound me up.

Im off now for good. Maybe next time Ill give Jeremy Kyle a call!

Take care all of you.xx

Bethoo....I was puzzled by what Dee said to you too. dont know what she meant really.