2 children + 1 dull husband = affair

[middleclassalchy]

I have never done "message boards" before, but read an article on mumsnet in the Guardian, struck a chord..maybe there are other mothers out there who dont live their lives around which is the right school, can junior read better than a n other how many different types of veg can I fit into my Waitrose quick check bag to look
impressive.

Anyway, I am mid 30`s, married for 10 years, 2 boys and so very, very bored. Over Christmas a neighbour, who I have known for 8 years, and I started something which should not have been started and blimey, life has got so much more interesting! So far, even though he lives only 2 mins away, we have been very discreet and no one knows, however its eating me up. I now not only find my husband boring, but also am begining to dislike him.

I have a "meeting" planned for Fri evening...what do I do...carry on things as its giving me a bounce in my step and a reason to get up. Or.....?

It was harsh. And while I agree that the op has asked for advice- and so may not necessarily like it- we have all indeed made mistakes, and affairs of the heart are never black and white. We don't know her!

If she posting here saying her husband found her boring and was therefore having an affair would anyone post sympathetically for the husband? I doubt it.

OMG, am I being politically correct? Shit!

No, they probably wouldn't, but why lambast her withing seconds of posting? Have you see how she was pounced on. People even inferred that she wouldn't be welcome! Isn't this a PUBLIC forum?

Geez!

MT, not taking the piss, just a bit, tongue-in-cheek.

We can move this debate over my way of phrasing it over to the Pedants corner, of course I know better than to go and poke people and say ner ner you stupid.

I was just a bit at the situation. I did explain in my next post.

lets go back to the topic, eh?

Neighbourshagging. Gymbunny-shagging. Not clever way of getting kicks.

OMG. I remember when I used to go to the gym - before ds - and the amount of women getting all afroth about one of the gym instructors was extraorinary. I found one of them crying outside of the spinning class trying to get a grip on the crush she had on him. Her life was so dull and boring she said, and her feelings were getting totally out of control. I even had a slight crush on him - but thankfully had a kapoof moment when I caught him listening to thrash metal and headbanging before a class.

It must be a very common phemonena though - bored housewife syndrome!

Talk about a hijack!

The OP is being stupid in risking the happiness of 8 people because she wants a quick shag with the neighbour! She has no intention of being with him FT as she has stated already.

Am a bit annoyed that I wrote a brilliant post before and it got overlooked by the Pedants!!!!

well, having seen my BF;s life destroyed over the last year by her H going off with someone else , i am going to judge harshly . same as i would with a man posting the same.

there are some moral absolutes for me, and one of them is no cheating on your spouse.

people are so willing to risk everything for an affair, but won;t make time to go to relate or get some outside help.

the OP might be down... i doubt it, she is bored and wants something to put a spring back in her step.... she has got it, and now she wnats to know what to do? well, she has been given plenty of food for thought.

i think that cheating spouses who ask for advice should have the stark reality held up to them:

destroyed families

distraught children

harsh judgement

i read your post and nodded heartily in agreement, collision!

LOL Camilla - sorry for getting in the way of your brilliance - I am duly chastened

I do however, feel a lot of sympathy for her. As well as thinking what she is doing is stupid

Middleclassalchy, I was in a similar situation to you....

I had pnd after the birth of my son. It killed all feelings I'd ever had for my dh. We tried counselling, we did everythign we could. When I realised I was capable of sleeping with someone else I told dh that we couldn't go on. I could not imagine the next 40 yrs with someone I did not love. I know I hurt him but staying together when I had no hope of ever rekindling my feelings would have been more damaging to both of us and therefore our son.

When I met dp I realised that I may have loved dh once but I had never been 'in love' with him and this is why the pnd ruined it for us forever.

Dp and I have been through some very tough stressful years but because we love each other and are in love with each other as well I know we can get through it. I still fancy the pants off him

Xdh is now engaged to someone else and happy, with step children. Xdh and I are a united front when it comes to ds and any problems he has. We are all happy.

So, do you know if you felt 'in love' with dh as well as loving him? Do you think you can work towards that again?

End the affair. Try to work things out with dh or else explain that you can't carry on as is.

If you and dh break up, give yourself some time to be you, to get used to fending for yourself and be self sufficient.

If your lover also leaves his wife, and only after he does, then you could think about rekindling what you've just had and see if that relationship stands up on a clean slate.

My opinions, fwiw, with the benefit of my own experiences. HTH

oops, Collision

I also agreed Colission!

Thank you MT.

I might need to re-post the brilliant post of how the OP is the woman we all dread in life!

ANd a good post from Klaw, too, here.

If you are unhappy in your own marriage fair enough but DO NOT GO AND WRECK someone elses life.

If you have no desire to try and fix the problems in your marrige then have do the decent thing and leave your DH.

An affair is not going to solve your problems it will only create more and drag more people into this than are already invovled.

still rather at most posters total lack of even an ounze of sympathy! She must be suffering after all, to risk so much but most people seem to be personalising the issue and getting all defensive, that's not the point, is it?
obvious stuff, but try Relate, try talking to dh w/o mentioning affair to find out whether he'sbored etc etc. you're obviouslt not happy.

What's so hot and interesting about this neighbour you've known for 8 years?
He probably bores his wife to death too. It's called grass is greener syndrome.

I thought it was probably someone's 13 year old son posting for a lark.

Middleclassalchy - what was the point of that name?

MissChief.......how would you feel if it was your neighbour messing around with your DH because she was bored !

Of course we have no sympathy because she is risking so much for something she will not be taking further.

Am surprised anyone can feel sympathy tbh....

she is bored not being beaten or abused....bored!

probavly is a troll but even so to say you're bored as the reason doesn't mean to say it's the real reason. I do sympathise for her, the poster. If it were the jilted wife posting her side, doutbless i'd have more sympathy for her, but's that not the case right now. It's just human nature to be unfaithful, imho, but some of us are able to overcome it, doesn't make us better people necessarily.

The affair is the least of your problems, middleclassalchy.

oh and right now, my neighbour wd be welcome to my dh. be somewhat surprising though as she must be at least 70..still he has questionabel taste in many things...

My feelings on affairs should be well known.

Families get ripped to pieces. Children get hurt - I do not know of one child who hasnt been affected when their parents have had an affair.

If there are problems within a marriage, it does not justify flinging off your knickers and getting jiggy with the milkman/ neighbour / postman / single father. You talk through problems and sort them out.

Speaking as somebody who has seen such shit fall out from one affair within the family, both my Aunt and step sister have had affairs and are going through divorces and there are three innocent children who have been hurt for the sake of loose knicker elastic.

Sometimes you don't know you have a problem in your relationship until you find yourself caught up in an affair. Not everyone is rational enough to think things through when human passion takes over.

My congratulations to the perfect ones among us - and my sympathies to my sinful sisters who have realised their mistakes and asked for help.