Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I literally used Bumble for one day then got scared when I saw someone I work with on it! I'm sure it was people nearby I could see!

@Superawkward that must have been very unnerving!

What site are you on? I paid for premium for Bumble for a month which is up this weekend and I don't know if I will stay on it, but I tried Hinge for a weekend and really didn't like that at all.

@Mckittens

With bumble you can see everyone who fits the criteria you set. When you match, they go into your chat and you have 24 hours to send them a message otherwise the match expires.

You can only send a message once you’ve matched

@Mckittens I'm on Match for now. Purely because I wanted to avoid the free apps! I thought that would naturally sift out the ones looking for a quick shag.

I signed up to Hinge but didn't upload any photos. I just felt like it was really weird and full of fake accounts or something. There aren't that many men in their 40s who take gym selfies and climb up Everest on their weekends surely?!

I’m 55 so paid for Ourtime (the over 50’s part of Match) - worst £40 I ever spent. The pickings were so slim they were non existent. I was literally bombarded with messages from flabby pasty pensioners including an offer of a BDSM session with a bloke 3 times my size 🤢 I literally had 3 chats in the month I was on there and zero dates.

Hinge is very strange. I live just outside the M25 yet every bloke on there seems to spend his weekends hiking up mountains, white water rafting, wild swimming, paddle boarding, lion taking or wresting bears and every one of them says a typical Sunday is a long walk and a pub roast! Being more of a cocktail bar and home comforts sort of girl , I’m not sure my perfect man was on there 🤣

@SamW98 great thanks that makes sense. @Superawkward that also makes total sense re weeding out the ones that are married/ just wanting a shag. Maybe I'll look at Match when Bumble runs out. And yes I had no idea so many folk were climbing Everest every weekend 😂

@SamW98 wrestling bears 😆 it's so true though. Thanks for the tips, I'll know the avoid the over 50 section of Match, sounds horrific. I have had a couple of the BDSM ones message as well, surely they would be better off on Fetlife or whatever. Nothing whatsoever in my profile that would give any impression that I might be interested in that 🤔

Damn it. I think you might be right.

I met up with someone I met in the summer and hadn't seen since, purely because I thought there wasn't enough interest and it was too hard to schedule dates. We have stayed in touch and this was a friendship meeting.

But at the end we kissed and OMG the chemistry!! That wasn't there in the summer. It's been distracting me all day.

And now I don't know what to say to mr. Boring 🫣.

@SamW98 I'm sorry, but that literally made my snort tea out of my nose! I can imagine how bad the blokes look over 50! I'm in my 40s and even now some blokes look ten years older than me!

WTF is it with Hinge?! I live in North Wales and had loads of blokes like that too!

I've got a few chats on the go with Match. Got one date already for this weekend but I'm not sure about it. He looks really nice on his pics, but honestly the chat with him is like pulling teeth. I feel like I know nothing about him and not keen on meeting now because of it.

Guys I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I had 5 matches the other day (was wfh so o was very distracted yes 😂) nobody replied to me.
Someone may he faith me in tinder yesterday, had about 3 messages and now nothing.
Joined hinge, had loads of requests off seemingly local bear grills (eye roll)... accepted 4 of them, sent messages and no replies :(

I'm so envious of everyone's dates here because I can't even get someone to talk to me :(

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I must be so undesirable at this point :(

Exactly the same experience - I had one guy who felt a bit off. Very self important msgs who set up a date with me for tonight and then never mentioned it again in spite of msg me about his job interview! So he’s done… but that is it, just dire. I even debated downloading tinder out of sheer exasperation 😂

It's awful isn't it :( so sorry you've been misled! I've been there too ❤️
I just don't know how else I will meet anyone as I'm not an overly social person with being a single mum and as much as my married friend alike to convince me(!!) I don't think I'll meet Mr right at Asda!!!!!!!
Which apps are you using @Bestlife18

I see posts on here about multi dating and having several dates a week and I think how? I tried OLD for 6 months last year and had the grand total of 6 dates and one was someone who had mutual friends with me and was aware of me anyway.
I did get a lot of matches and quite a few chats but by the time I’d weeded out the monosyllabic ones, the sex pests, the cringey and sleazy ones, the ones after a hook up and the time wasters, there was almost no one left.

I have no idea how people find so many men they feel are suitable to go on a date with.

I get quite a few dates because I have a small radius of about 5 miles so people can meet me during the day. I have have had two this week. What I think is interesting is arranging a date becomes quite an eye opener so I was meant to me a guy last night but he literally bombed me with photos of his family so I called it off, he was overwhelming. Then another guy this evening, started sounding quite odd and so I called that off too.
What I would say is it's quite emotionally exhausting so I am coming off the apps for a break. I have hid my profile one one already...

I have periods of lots of matches and then some quieter periods too.
I'm very clear avout what I am looking for in my profile. I have worded it all quite positively (so I say away from phrases like 'not looking for FWB'.
I aewm to be pretty good at the first filter too as most men I meet in person seem to be decent people.
The ones that don't answer have filtered themselves out 🤷‍♀️

I have to admit that for all I have a date already, I'm increasingly thinking about cancelling it. I think I just had the excitement of 'OMG someone asked me out!' And now in the cold hard light of day it isn't looking great TBH.

@blacksocks33 so I stupidly paid for Hinge premium thankfully only for a month, then I stuck Bumble on my phone. I am the same - single parent and work largely from home and with mostly women when I am in office. It’s very hard to get out and meet people. The only other people I see are from my kids clubs but they are all married too!

I also don't really meet anybody in RL & it doesn't help that I'm shy. I actually got chatting to a man at the park the other day & I thought to myself 'I'm actually managing to speak to him without blushing! He's really easy to talk to'. Then he says 'Yeah, the wife likes to do that too'. Fuck sake.

It's definitely slim pickings out there on Bumble right now.

One of them has used the heading 'A fun fact I'm obsessed with' & this is their reply, written just like this...

Mountain climb and cat and music and book and great suggle miss

Er...

There was a rare one where I thought 'Wow, look at him!' He was nearby so I super swiped. Bet I get nothing back

@SamW98 @Bowbobobo

I am a Scorpio too, main exes were Taurus and Aquarius, but friendship and romance wise I seem to really strike it with Virgos, though they are very different from one of my kids who is a Virgo...
I'm only lightly interested in star signs, it wouldn't be make or break for me :)

@Mckittens I am also just figuring out Bumble, I assumed that if I, say, set my age limits as 40 to 55 that I wouldn't be shown to anyone outside that age range.

Then for the same reason as you and everyone else because so many men looked literally scary/worn out and only had pictures of themselves either holding a beer in a big pub company OR climbing mountains/going on a zipwire, snowboarding, swimming in the ocean, decided to lower by another 8 years, to 32, so way too young for me and wasn't planning to swipe right on anyone, just wanted to see what comes up.
Well started swiping left busily and 8 out of 10 straight away said you missed a potential match!
Which first I thought wtf why are you swiping right on women 15 years older, but second I realised my profile is shown to everyone who specified including my age and distance I guess?
Anyway I plan to eventually swipe right on one of the early 30s just to ask why they wanted to swipe on me. Some late 30s to be honest looked very similar to me in age in photos, not sure how they present in real life.

When I dropped my age limit down (encouraged by a friend who is 45 and her partner is 30) I was inundated by men 15 years younger and more. Typically they just wanted the experience of having sex with someone older (and they assume more experienced) and minus the commitment and expectations of being in a “proper” relationship. Generally. There was one 32 year old whose last 1-year relationship had been with a 47 year old woman, and he said he related to older woman more. Believed him but generally, it was the former.

BUT… I found the younger guys generally way more honest, sweeter and less misogynistic than a lot of them in their 40s plus.

Also matched with a 57 year old who looked quite a lot like an uncle figure but there were some appealing aspects to his bio, and he asked to talk on the phone after we exchanged about 5 messages. Was a bit put out because I rarely talk even to family on the phone, though exchange voice notes with friends and family a lot.
Decided to go with it because he was quite far away and seemed like a lot of trouble for a first meet up and the phone conversation could be good way to gauge interest/attraction.
Anyway, we had that phone talk and I HATED IT so much. Nearly wanted to hang up on him and unmatch in 5 min. Hated his voice (it was deep and smooth but old guy private school accent which is different from modern posh accent which I like), but the main thing he kept smacking his lips and making some kind of weird swallowing saliva noises which made my skin crawl 😩and he talked soo slowly and formally, I felt all stiff and uncomfortable and just made polite conversation, unable to be myself.

After the phone conversation he messaged straight away and asked to meet TOMORROW. I was like no man I really want to unmatch you. Would you guys just unmatch without an explanation? I did feel I had to say something so sent a message that I wasn't feeling it and asked him to unmatch, I know he has sent a reply but I can't bear to look at it, don't even want to.
He didn't really do anything wrong, he was intelligent and gentlemanly, but I just felt so ewwww....after that I lowered my age range to 55 and under 😄to be honest he sounded older than 57 - more in his wordview/language etc, he also didn't know there is such a thing as desktop Whatsapp or Bumble and never sent a voice note in his life...I suspect he was over 60...anyway, now I am less "giving the benefit of the doubt", more swipe left straight away if you are not sure, though sometimes when I swipe left after a lot of deliberating and see I missed a match I do slightly wish I could back and swipe right and at least chat...

@RadiantRainbow well done for agreeing a phone chat. Sounds like you saved yourself lots of time! He does sounder older than 57… and all quite off putting!

I’d have done what you did… sent a message rather than just unmatch. But wouldn’t reply to whatever he’s said now

Also, what's up with the guys whose MAIN picture is two guys and you have to work out which one is which? One actually had only one picture and there were two guys in it, no explanation in the profile which one of them is he, and one of them in the picture was much better looking than the other😄
Also saw some younger guys who posted a pic with their mum 😆(judging by familial resemblance) why??

@RadiantRainbow haha… I know! The friend thing is false advertising and the mum thing, well I think that might be why they’ve got their age settings so high 😑