Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

My highly emotionally abusive ex is on Bumble (yes I spotted his profile, stating he is looking for a woman “with a heart of gold 🤮”). He’s 10 years older than me so I’d made sure to have my age setting lower than 55, but he’d shaved a few years off 🙄

Sorry I seem to be bombarding this thread with posts, but another guy today, in his ONE pic, sitting down, wearing a hat and mirrored sunglasses, in our town which is relatively small...name "Censored" (as in that was his actual name), description - "man". That's it to his profile, no other details. Age was the same as mine I think.
I am thinking, this guy is probably in a relationship? how else to explain this profile? Swiped away - told I missed a potential match. What? why?? I guess he did need to swipe right on someone, but what in my profile could have given him the idea I might be up for matching with an attached man? Though I guess he could have been swiping on everyone trying his luck. Very weird.

Oh, something else - saw a couple local people I know on there. But also not sure if I am reading too much into nothing or it's true, but since I have actually recognised a couple of blokes on the street off Bumble(and a dad from the kids' school and an ex-colleague), I've noticed a few staring at me passing by (shop, street) longer than normal, and wonder if they now know me as someone off Bumble...which is potentially not a bad thing just feels a little strange

This is my experience too. I only date younger guys now. Mainly from Hinge. The ones I met were respectful, fun, generous. I've tried dating my age group men ( 45+) but was firmly put off by their entitlement and selfishness. I can't see the point of dating an older man now when you can have much better dating experience with younger one.

Sooooo... Having come out of a long marriage, and still in the tense situation of cohabiting with my ex (arghhh) I decided to use the Feeld app to search for a FWB type situation. I had to sift through a lot of icky guys as you'd expect, but then found a guy seeking something similar, and we got on well in our messaging. We've been messaging for a week now and we're meeting up tomorrow. I am only looking for something casual but already I'm finding myself looking forward to his messages in the evening! 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm hoping I don't get too attached, he is very sweet and thoughtful even in the x-rated messages and arrangements 😊
I'm trying to keep the conversation focused more on the Benefits so that I don't find out any more things we have in common. If anyone has any tips on how to avoid getting too attached please do share! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh, should say as well, we've also done a video call for an hour- it's all feeling safe (for anyone who is concerned)

Ah these messages just made me laugh because all so relatable! I had some 30 year old telling me why he was interested in me at 45, apparently we are nicer, more experienced, fun loving - I thought boy you need to meet my mid 40s friends! Then the pics with the friends, paddle boards, mountains. Where have normal people gone?!
question on bumble as I binned it but is the paid for version better?? Hinge was a waste of money

Judging by the crappy men so many women end up with, and who seem to be flying multiple red flags from the start, I'm guessing that many women are less discerning than you in weeding them out.

Alternatively it could be geography. If you live in London and are prepared to travel across the city for your dates, you will probably have a very large pool of potential matches. If you're in some isolated rural location, that will reduce the number of suitable matches dramatically l!

I live minutes from the M25 so it’s not the depth of the pool on offer, it’s the quality.

I think maybe I’m ultra strict on weeding out the wronguns so possibly lost the odd decent one in that filtering.

Though for me I’d rather not get public transport to date so I tend to look away from most London men.

I have friends who are in Kent, Brighton, further out in Essex and all having the same results - the standard of men over 50 on the apps is pretty grim wherever you live.

Ive been off the apps about 4 months but moving to another town start of April so I’ll try my luck again see if any luck in a slightly different area - or the same old faces 🤣

@RadiantRainbow I originally had my profile at 48 and I am 55...even with the same photos which are 6 months old I had significantly more matches with the lower age. I posted about it on her and got torn apart (main page not this dating thread). However, every single man that I met didn't care when we met up, one objected before we met because he didn't think I could keep up with his sexual appetite! But a few said they understood women are judged by age far more than men.

Ahh maybe I need to look at my age group then 🤷🏼‍♀️
I'm 33 and my match is currently 28-37?

I’m 55 and I had my settings at 50-60 within 25 miles.

Still got messages from 70 year olds in Scotland though 🤣

@SamW98 @blacksocks33 sorry, I confused everyone. I mean I put my age as 48/9 and got lots of men near my own age 55...it dropped dramatically when I put my own age. Told everyone before I met them and basically the view was that if I looked like my pictures they did not care at all.

I've had random matches from people in Dublin and London. I live in Wales! I don't understand when they expected us to meet?!

I’m in Essex and my first ever chat was with a guy from Leeds who said he comes down for work every 6 weeks or so.

Very naive about OLD then I agreed to meet up when he was next down south and then discovered he just wanted an away from home F buddy.

Yeh this is what I suspect they want too

My settings are withing 40 miles and that includes south Birmingham and north of Bristol so that's why I guess I get so many matches. Though having anything regular from either someone in Birmingham or Bristol isn't realistic at all... But also my radius includes a lot of Wales which though distance wise isn't far, to get to can be slow rural roads so also not good.

I did get a match from someone who turned out to be working overseas! and only visiting England, so came through my settings in travel mode. Basically I don't swipe on anyone in Travel mode any more

I had no idea I had travel mode activated until I went on holiday to Skiathos and was inundated with likes from Greek men - shame I was only there a week, otherwise I could have done a Shirley Valentine

Hahahaha

I had another 2 matches and no response from either 🫠 i don't know... feel like maybe I'm getting into a weird place with this.
Feel like I want to delete it all and start again (not that'll change anything 😂).
Just want to have a cute crush to look forward to texting 🫠😞

Possibly when your age starts at 5 it's what happens, but I've found out putting my real age there and then getting loads of interests with people asking "are you sure you are 47?" is a reassuring experience. For me I know I am far more likely to swipe right on someone whose age says 55 but he looks 47 than someone who says 47 but looks 55.

I do understand that maybe loads more would have appeared in my pool if I positioned myself as 45 and under, but I am a bit fatalistic here, just think someone either will expand their criteria from time to time out of curiosity (like I do) and come across me, or it's not meant to be.

Did get a reply from a 34 year old I matched with last night asking him in my opening message “what are you doing swiping right on someone my age?”

Chatted a little this morning but he does come across more like 24 🙄 not that I planned a relationship or anything but by a certain age someone not very articulate is a bit of a turn off. He does look exactly like Mika(singer) though whose looks I like 😀, seems to be a similar ethnic mix too

By the way I look ok, but I wouldn’t say “very” pretty or anything, I guess he felt he needed to say it 🙃
Well since I had one date already where the guy confirmed I do look like my pictures I shouldn’t worry about not living up to them in real life 🤔

So on the subject of photos I have found a few dates/video calls just don’t look like their photos. Either old photos, filtered, ai..,
If you think someone is doing this do you just ask?? I have matched with someone conversed etc but plan to video call. He is reluctant but has said yes. However his main photo looks very smooth, possibly ai generated. According to my teen it is! Do I just ask him. I have dropped a few hints. I just don’t want to end up disappointed again by someone not using an honest photo! Mine aren’t filtered and I’m older but apparently look younger than my years…

@RadiantRainbow

I totally agree. I’m 55 and I do understand that a lot of men my age are looking for younger or have seen better days. However, I would rather be honest than start on a lie from day one.

Personally a man lying about his age is a red flag so I’d expect the same in reverse. It’s the same when they add inches to their height thinking we won’t notice - honesty is a very black and white thing for me. Lie about age/height etc - instant unmatch.

I’ve been told I look younger - not just on OLD but in day to day life and that I look the same, if not better in real life. I don’t filter my photos either. I’d rather be 100% honest from the very start.

Even though I’m quite a young 55, I don’t know there’s a bit of a psychological block for me dating someone whose age starts with a 4 - maybe I need to reconsider when I go back on the apps.

I’ve been lucky so far that my dates all looked pretty much like their photos - though I’ve had a couple who were significantly shorter than they claimed.

Ive heard horror stories from friends about turning up on a date and the person looked much older and bigger than their pics.

The worst one was a male friend who’s early 50’s arrived at the bar only to discover a woman on her 70’s who walked with a stick - she’d been using her daughters photos. And she got very aggressive and emotional when he said he was leaving - started shouting he was a judgemental prick across the car park!

I've definitely seen even profiles with AI pictures only, as well as few one off AI pics in a profile.

I'd say all men I've met have used pictures that are not very recent (they've all looked bit older, although still recognizable) and just a bit shorter than the claim as well.

Actually, I would say that only one person didn't look as good as in his pictures, just looked less fresh...all the others I actually think looked better really. I have asked a few when their pictures were taken and one admitted to having a random one from university...jeez.