Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hmmm interesting what people say about match because that's what I'm using just now.

My ex works with loads of blokes who are single and OLD. I might need to ask him what apps they're on!

My ex (MrWozfunnest for those who remember😁) has a friend who he told me about but I never met.Met most of his friends including his old school friends etc, but not this one who happens to be a handsome tall professional guy (top medical consultant) who split with his wife two years ago and has then himself into work and his teen kids since then. Ex made lots of excuses not to introduce us, and but only some time after we split did he tell me about his jealousy over other men fancying me and it made sense -he thought I would prefer the friend. Ex and I were talking at a party recently and I jokingly suggested he now introduce as as since he didn’t want me maybe his friend would and he just changed the subject 😂

@VanillaSox you definitely should!

I'm on Bumble and Match and have definitely found Match much more basic. I've not had any dodgy messages on Bumble reallly.

Sorry you feeling done in with it all @Pepsimaxedout I am feeling the same today. I have been messaging someone on Match since last weekend who sounded interesting and keen but even just arranging the first meet started to feel like hard work and he hadn't replied to a message I'd sent last night which is fine as I hadn't been expecting him to but I can see he has been online this morning and still no reply. So that all just feels unlikely to go anywhere & like I should probably block and delete.

I find it super difficult to get the balance between some messaging before the first meeting so it doesn't feel like I know absolutely nothing about them versus messaging too much and getting over invested.

@Mckittens I think it's really hard to get that balance, you're absolutely right! I don't understand the ones who don't want to meet up though. But perhaps they are the married ones just after attention?!

I think I've just had a run of too many weirdos on match and lost the will. I'm gonna take some new pictures at the weekend after I've had my hair done and sign up to some different apps I reckon.

I hated Match. I wasted £40 on a monthly subscription only to be presented with a hideous selection of grim, pasty faced, overweight men staring straight into their camera giving off Norman Bates vibes. I was actually relieved when the month was up.

Ive given up with FB dating. Out of 20 messages in few days, 13 were 👋 5 were ‘hi’ 1 ‘hi Sam’ and 1 🌹 I’ve realised no one knows how to use actual words anymore. How is putting a sentence together such a challenge ?

Still chatting to Mr J daily and once his dads funeral is done I will mention meeting - just very conscious of where his head may be but our chats have been nice and easy and but even a hint of sleaze which makes such a refreshing change.

Sticking with just Bumble for now but tbh there’s very little of interest to swipe for.

@Pepsimaxedout I don't think this one is married but I did say to him right at the start maybe I'm not what he is looking for in terms of having kids/ other responsibilities/ not being super available.

He was sure that was all good but I think as the week has gone on he has had a change of heart. He doesn't have any kids which in itself isn't a problem but I do and & I also work full time, our lifestyles probably aren't very compatible which I did shine a spot light on at the outset so I'm just irritated with myself really as I knew it wasn't a good match.

I think your plan sounds really good re new photos/ different apps. I would give Bumble a go if you haven't already. I know some folk on here have found it dire but I think it's definitely worth trying out different apps. I have seen a few on both Match and Bumble but there are also definitely a lot of different faces as well.

I've just messaged two new ones, one on Match and one on Bumble so hopefully that will take my mind of the lack of interest from Mr Travel.

For me the best way is to meet really quickly without all the pre-chat. In the days we met in bars and clubs the sparks developed when we were getting to know each other. pre-loading all of this before you know if there is any chemistry is pointless.

@SamW98
That's great you are still chatting with Mr J, I think it definitely sounds hopeful.

I agree very little to swipe right on in my age range but I'm persevering for now at least.

@Sparkleswinston I totally agree, I do know the pre chat/ messaging is ill advised but I find it really hard to meet with no chat having happened as i feel like I need to know the basics in order to feel comfortable meeting at all. Very hard balance to get right though.

One of the ones I've just messaged had a really full detailed profile lots of which resonated with me but I was only drawn to one of the photos where they were wearing a hat 😆 and not the others where he had no hat so not sure if there would be any chemistry. But I'm thinking if he replies I might just suggest meeting up quickly.

Can I just say, I wish I had found this group earlier! I love to hear all your stories and it's great to chat with a like minded group of women! Who seem to go through all the emotions, frustrations and highs (and then lows) as I do! Chatting to your coupled uo friends about it, they just don't get it! You're either a novelty or they look at you with puzzlement why you'd be upset that a 'nice' guy you've been chatting to for a few weeks suddenly ghosts you!

Match is awful! Definitley quantity over quality, but saying that I am speaking to one handsome and seemingly nice guy! We shall see! Won't renew when it expires.

Bumble was soul destroying for me as always had to send first message and then nobody replied.

Hinge - a very specific type of man on there! But speaking to a nice guy who works for the police.

Tinder - so many men! So many different types of men! I have met two decent guys from Tinder but it is time consuming sifting through it all!

@SamW98 who is Mr J? Sorry not sure I was on the group so need the back story 😀

@Pepsimaxedout we want all the intel from men about how they use the apps! I either get really desperate guys that hound me. Or guys that seem nice then over a couple of days ghost or the chat turns sexual! Also, how do married men have the balls to put their faces on a dating app? Are they really that stupid?

I’ve been chatting to Mr J for a week or so. Matched on Bumble.

He mentioned going for a drink fairly quickly however due to us both having a lot on it’s not been mentioned since plus his dad passed away and the funeral is on Monday so I’m going very gently until after that’s happened.

We live about 30 minutes apart but both a bit out in the sticks. However there’s a large town (city now I think) we can both get to very easily if and when we do decide to meet.

I wouldn’t normally chat this long before meeting but it’s circumstances this time.

@mumofoneanddone82

That’s been same story for me. Either desperate ones who want to propose after 3 days or ones who play nicely for a handful of messages before turning chat sleazy before we’ve even met.

@SamW98 oh he sound like potential. The two guys who I met since starting this dating journey in the summer, I chatted to them for quite a long time! I don't have much spare time so wanted to make sure I could at least have a fun, decent evening! I don't think there is anything wrong with chatting a bit longer sometimes

Personally I’m a slow burn sort of girl. I’ve never been the sort who locks eyes across a crowded bar and wants to rip their clothes off. My relationships I’ve known for a while before we started dating. My ex H was as part of a wider group of acquaintances and similar with my last relationship- he was a friend of friends and we chatted for a few weeks before going in a date

It’s impossible to tell however you go. I met a bloke I’d chatted to daily on the phone for a week then he minute he walked in in thought ‘oh no’ others I’ve hardly chatted to before meeting and they’ve been ok guys but no spark. One was a disaster but we’ve all had one of those 🤣
And actually the one I thought I really clicked with I only met because it was bank holiday Monday and I had nothing else on that day. Yet when we met there was a pretty instant spark - just a shame he turned out to have more baggage than Gatwick, lied about his age by 7 years and suffers with severe ED. And he’s still out there in the apps 🤣🤣

@SamW98 this is what I feel like. Met a lovely bloke, great spark, great chat between us but he definitely had more baggage than Gatwick too 🤣

@SamW98 oh my gosh! It's always the way! That's what freaks me out about dating apps! People might seem cool! But you know nothing of their past! What is ED?

@mumofoneanddone82

ED = erectile distinction and even the blue pills didn’t work with this one. I felt sorry for him when he told me - after asked me to stay at his the following weekend - but it’s definitely a dealbreaker.

He did continue to pursue me saying we could work around it or just be friends then turned really arsey when I went away on a pre booked holiday with my mate so I stopped responding and he sent one final message about there being no point as I’d proved I was a time waster - WTF??

And since found out he told me so many lies that I’m glad it didn’t go any further. It was after that I came off the apps for a break.

@mumofoneanddone82 it’s all just such a minefield isn’t it?!

Ive not dared to go on Tinder yet, although my colleague keeps trying to persuade me 😂 I haven’t tried Hinge either - is it all the same people on all the sites?

Your police bloke isn’t from Derby is he?!

@SamW98 more baggage than Gatwick - I’ve never heard that before, love it! (But obvs don’t love that you found someone who you needed to use the expression for!).

@SamW98 I didn't even think that would be a problem given how sexually charged the men I seem to connect with are! Apparently they can go all night and not stop, if I am to believe them 😂

Also @SamW98 he sounds completely unhinged!

@Browniesandcustard I'd say Hinge is slightly more refined! Not so many rough and ready (which is my type)! No this guy is a detective from London! Don't worry 😂

My one friend found her DH via Hinge after trying every other app tho she lives in a very big city. Tinder is a cesspool but everyone knows it's a cesspool. Bumble supposedly wholesome and better but was the worst.

I stopped getting 90 % of rude and sexually suggestive messages when chatting with verified profiles.

If someone is excessively rude/sexting, most likely it's a fake profile.

When people have some 'skin in the game' they don't tend to be unhinged when chatting. Just a bit awkward and shy but that's normal I reckon.