Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@blacksocks33 what's your usual go to casual outfit if you are meeting your friends for a casual night out?

I'd probably wear a dress, black tights and chunky ankle boots out for a casual afternoon/night out.

Second the dress, tights and chunky boots. My go to date wear is a short denim skirt but with thick tights and ankle boots, t shirt and a smart coat.. nice jewellery.. covered up And warm enough

I would, and have, though if you're a bit shy about doing so, it will help to drop a suggestion to meet for a coffee/drink casually into one of your chats.

The longest time I've taken to meet with someone for the first time is a week, and the shortest is a couple of days.

I remember from my pre-DC life doing OLD and chatting for days or weeks created a false sense of intimacy that I prefer to avoid these days.

Could do with some advice on a bloke I'm chatting with. He's attractive and keen. Had a few nice chats and we've arranged to meet. But we can't meet until weekend after this one due to when we have our respective kids. I don't really wanna invest too much in texting before our date but obviously want to make sure he knows I'm still interested. How often would you message?

@Pepsimaxedout I'm interested in this too. So far I've been texting a lot, which means I become a quite emotionally invested, which means I am very disappointed when things don't work out.

Currently I've deleted the app for a few days to destress a little.

Honestly I think it’s best to minimise the texting before meeting.. luckily my last date asked me “what should we do now” after we’d arrange to meet and I told him “just check in with me every now and then and I’ll confirm plans nearer the time.. he messaged me every couple days and it was perfect..

@AltheaVestr1t I usually prefer meeting quickly and avoiding too much texting before hand. Never encountered this before!

This was what I prefer, and do too.

No point in getting into that cycle of many texts every day until you've actually met, and know that you want to take things further with each other.

I've got this situation going on at the moment. Matched with someone in another City, an hour away. We have chatted most evenings via text although not for hours at a time and it's been good but very aware that it's not advisable. But I struggle to meet if there has been no messaging either, it's getting a balance. I am aware though that I'm already more invested that I should be.

Yeh this is the problem I'm finding now! I don't really want to wait this long TBH but it's how it is with the kids!

Does anyone find particular apps better than others? My matches have gone a bit quiet not and beginning to think I need a new app

Been chatting to someone since last Thursday and not mentioned meeting yet. However he did tell me his dad passed away and the funeral is next week so I’m being very careful not to push him but I do always find the longer I chat without meeting, I lose interest so it’s a fine line

Plus im away the following weekend (15-18) so aware it could be end of month before we could fit in a date.

Seems to be just horror stories in regards to online dating. Are there better alternatives? I'm thinking of speed dating, have people tried this? What's the turn-out like? Or is everyone just online now?

@Pepsimaxedout exactly if I didn't have kids I would have met him by now if he were willing 😂 but the fact that I live in a different city and I've got kids and I work full time...

So I either carry on messaging or just give it up which I'm kind of inclined to do as I'm feeling like I'm over investing which isn't good. Or I go for the message me nearer the time approach which I get is really appropriate but when I tried that previously and they stuck to it, I got the fear that I knew nothing about them.

@SamW98 I'm thinking after all the horrors you have had to put up with this one sounds quite good!

I would totally be treading carefully as well though in terms of the loss of his Dad. Do you know if it was unexpected?

Obviously regardless it's massive but I think if it was a total surprise he might be in a different head space & if I were in your position I'd be more concerned that he might not be in the right head space to be chatting with someone new but then again what do I know. But I think I'd be less worried if it wasn't completely unexpected. And I would totally give more leniency re meeting up timescales either way.

@Crushed23
The main reason I went on OLD was a fantastic road trip in 2022 where over 4 months I visited so many people and places from my past but ultimately it was a lonely trip as I was visiting couples & I was on my own.

@NowStartingOver I'm sure some on here have horror stories all the time but TBH in my experience having good filters and really reading profiles weeds out the bad ones?

@NowStartingOver

I actually swing between feeling like it's horror show to feeling quite good about it all. I've been OLD for 7-8 weeks now and at times it has been awful and I've nearly deleted it all. I've had some really dodgy messages but I've also spoken to and met some interesting people that I wouldn't have come across in my usual world and that's been really interesting. Having said this I may well feel terrible about it all in a couple of days time! Which is why this chat is so helpful 😊

Am mid to late 40s with a very young child. Most “success” with men about 8-10 years younger who want to settle down but not necessarily want kids of their own. That said, I’ll probably never want a man around my child, unless he’s exceptional and 100 percent. I always thought I’d waltz into another relationship with a man my age with small children, but, hahaha…

@Mckittens

It was cancer and as he’s 54 I imagine his dad was a good age so probably not totally unexpected.

Im being patient re meeting as I understand he wants to get the funeral over with and tbh he is pretty consistent with messaging checking in a few times throughout day/evening.

As you say it’s actually nice after the sex pests to have someone who seems gentle and honest so I’m happy to take our time right now.

Right another thing I don’t get is the men posing in football shirts for their profile pic.

Ok I don’t mind football. I grew up in the shadow of a premier league ground and my family were all supporters plus my son is too so it’s a case of if you can’t beat em join em.

However I saw a profile today where literally every photo in this man’s profile he was wearing a football shirt like that’s his entire wardrobe.

All I think is ‘well I doubt I’ll be seeing you most weekends as you’ll be at the match’ plus can you imagine going on a date and he turns up wearing a replica shirt 🤣

I don't necessarily think it's fair to say online dating is so bad. I think people's expectations make it worse. I'm old enough to remember pulling lads on nights out in the late 90s/early 00s. OLD is no different. Some nights you would get no attention. Some nights you would get loads and it would be horrible letches. Other nights you might get chatting to a nice bloke but it didn't click for whatever reason. You might meet a bloke and see him for a few months. OLD is no different.

I think some people wrongly presume that because everyone is in the same place that everyone is looking for the exact same thing (they're not!). They also presume that everyone is open to having whatever it is they want (just sex/marriage and babies) with everyone. Because otherwise why else would they be there!

You wouldn't expect to fancy/have a relationship with every man In real life so why presume you would automatically find someone online? That's my two pence worth anyway!

@SamW98 I don't mind that so much. It's the men who have a beer in hand in every photo I cannot stand. My ex had a drink problem so it is a big no for me.

I have a weird one going on - guy who will only stick to msgs on bumble app. He won’t move off to phone so it’s just a pain. I’m going to nudge for a meeting which won’t be able to take place for a week or so due to kids, but how long do you ladies leave it normally before getting bored/ have enough of the lack of progression?? He is the only guy I have ever met online who has not wanted to move to what’s app. It’s screaming red flag married to me but Im not sure if I am being paranoid and he might genuinely be new to it all!

@Bestlife18 I am dipping my toes back into OLD now and I personally won’t share my mobile number until we’ve met. I just cannot deal with the barrage of messages and then having to delete numbers/block etc. I wouldn’t judge someone on this basis only until you’ve met.

Exactly my situation though the child is 8
I think older men more often filter out over 45s 🤷‍♀️