Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I need to start watching/listening to Matthew Hussey. My Instagram and YouTube algorithms keep throwing him up as a suggestion, but I’ve never clicked because I assumed his content was aimed at men.

I’ve just come back from a week long work trip overseas which I extended to the weekend so I could do some sightseeing.

Despite having done heaps of solo travel (including when I was in relationships), I found it very lonely. 😔

It’s like I’ve had enough of doing everything by myself and would quite like some company when I am visiting beautiful places and eating nice food.

I’m sure this will pass, and I’ll be back to being Miss Independent in no time, but I was taken aback by how vulnerable and sad I felt over the weekend.

(I have my suspicions that 7 days of pigging out and doing less exercise than usual is playing a part in how I feel. Going to eat lots of greens and get back into exercise to see if that lifts my mood.)

New to the thread, some of the comments people have shared made to them by men on old are just shocking. My personal worst one I ever recieved was "spit or swallow?"
I've just been looking on fb dating, why oh why do the majority of men post photos of them frowning, hair all over the place, up the nose shots or the obligatory large fish clasped lovingly, or yomping up mountains or riding a bike with a saddle so skinny Torquamada would have used it.
I only get the mid 20 year olds who obviously think a 56 year old would be greatful or teach them, or the pervy older guys who want to spank, or wear my clothes. I'm totally ordinary looking and def not a glamour puss. Are there actually any normal men out there?

He's brilliant. Very common sense, really empowering. He does try to sell you his books and training programs though, but you can ignore those, there's loads in YouTube for free.

@Crushed23 I had a friend recently telling me not to undervalue being single. The fake empathy really pissed me off. It's the security of knowing someone is there even if you aren't with them that provides an anchor. So yes, I know why you felt lonely.

@Southern68

Honestly the world of 50+ dating really is the most hideous experience.

I never realised there were so many pasty faced overweight men wearing hi-viz and holding a giant fish out there.

As for the delightful messages - dear god 🤦‍♀️

Yes, it’s the security I miss.

ExDP and I spent a lot of time apart due to different friendship groups and different hobbies. But I knew I could text him about anything at any time of day and he would be interested, even if it was just nonsense like what I’d eaten for breakfast or someone on the train is talking too loudly.

I think I just miss having someone to talk absolute shit to all day 😂

Beyond grim aren't they, the freshly dug up look doesn't do it for me either, and what's with the fish fgs, or the ones with huge amounts of filters applied, you just know the real guy actually looks like Worzel Gummidge.
I pop on every couple of months to see if any normal and I use that word ironically have joined.
It's a very shallow watering hole out there.

Crushed, it’s so strange, I started feeling exactly the same after years of happy solo travelling, occasional going to the cafe/gigs/cinema etc…but travelling especially…even last year had several 3 days solo trips which I thoroughly enjoyed but this year feel completely unmotivated to even book anything if I am going by myself 🤔

@Crushed23 It really is nice texting someone and knowing they are interested in what you have to say, I agree.

So I am fairly fresh out of marriage and there's actually quite a lot of merit in this. Being expected to constantly adult on behalf of another adult and deal with their needs and wants 24/7 is no picnic either. I'm actually really enjoying living on my own, and I'm certainly not in a hurry to get into anything settled again.

But I agree with you, there is something really nice about having a go-to person to talk to, even if that person is a giant pita.

Would anyone else suggest meeting to a man? I feel like if they don't want to meet within a week or so then they're just wasting my time really. But once I asked the guy I liked for a coffee he stopped replying.

It’s not about living alone - I love living on my own and I dread the day I’ll have to live with someone else again.

It’s about having that someone who cares about you and takes an interest in the mundane aspects of your life. I talked on the last Dating Thread about how a friend cancelled on me very last minute and I was left in a busy bar on the South Bank by myself and how sad I felt that I couldn’t just text ExDP who would have come out to meet me (when we were still together obvs). It’s being someone’s priority, their favourite person, etc. I miss that.

I ask to meet quite quickly TBH. If we've been messaging for a couple of days and they seem decent, I just ask about meeting up. I don't want to waste time messaging and find out there's no chemistry in real life or that they have no intention of meeting.

@Crushed23 there's a tendency with some although not all to compare the worse parts of being married to being single. I was talking to a married friend a few months ago who did just that, saying about my exciting life and friends and then I asked her what the first she does when she goes away without her husband is and what's the first thing she does when the plane lands...then I made your point about having someone who cares about me and I am one of their priorities...

Yeah absolutely! He's just a man, he's not from outer space. Men, too, like being compliment and asked out. If he stops responding after you've asked him out, he probably never would have met you anyway.

Yes you're right. At least he won't be wasting any more of my time. Thank you.

@friendswiththemonstera you could give some hints about meeting (based on your/ his interest) first, in case it could make it easier for them to suggest a meeting. If that doesn't work, I've asked to meet for a coffee/ drinks.

Just spotted a bloke who has pictures of him chopping wood on his profile. Instant swipe right from me 🤣🤣🤣 I am so shallow!

@Pepsimaxedout Lucky you! Can he cut trees, climb trees & throw axes? 🤩

I will have to ask him!

@Pepsimaxedout the mere mention of a tree surgeon makes me weak at the knees haha

@mumofoneanddone82 my neighbours had a conifer cut down this weekend and I kept looking for excuses to nip out into the garden and flutter my eyes at the bloke doing it!

Haha no wonder the dating pool is so small @Pepsimaxedout we're all looking for the same person 😂

Been chatting to someone for. Week or so.
He seems friendly and nice and straightforward.
He's asked to meet for a drink and some tea on Saturday evening. Major probably though! What do I wear?! I want to be causal but it's a Saturday evening....