Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sorry to hear some of these updates
Sounds similar to what happened to me back end of 2022
Lead me on for months , endless chat , I mean hours every day , talking about really personal stuff, he really opened up to me about stuff that had happened to him
Eventually ended up sleeping with him
He dropped me
This wasn't old either, this was someone I work with and had known for years and years
Haven't spoken to him since , we just ignore each other in the office .

Oh @qqq82 that’s even worse, that sounds really awful. I feel like while so many women are focused on personal development, there’s a huge number of men unable to step up and be what women are looking for now- so few of them have learned how to have difficult conversations and instead just avoid them. It’s like they’ve never grown up.

So I’ve given FB dating a try.

I’ve put this on my profile -

Good communication is absolutely vital to me so please send more than a hi, a wave or an emojil

10 messages so far - 8 either hi or a wave!! FFS at least read the profile boys

I'm really sorry to read that @qqq82 I suppose at least my guy told me before we slept together and I don't have to see him every day, it must be so hard for you

I have considered Facebook dating when I go back on the apps after my holiday how is it @SamW98 Other than the crapness in the men's ability to read a profile? I am just nervous it will be full of people who I used to go to school with or my ex's friends!!

My friend sent me this last night and it hit home thought I would share it with you all as it might help some if you too

Sorry had to ask for previous post to be deleted as had my friends name on the photo!

😮🫣

Maybe they should create a special app for articulate people only? 🤔😆

@2anddone so sorry to hear about your situation though I agree @qqq82 story sounds worse, to sleep with each other, then be in the office together 😩

I’ve been told by the people who use it that your Fb dating profile isn’t in any way connected to your actual profile on Fb. But on Bumble I have seen a couple of my local Fb friends (acquaintances really)

@2anddone

Tbh FB dating pretty much the same old. No different to other apps but I must admit I’ve seen several acquaintances who I have mutuals with.

Its free though so I thought I’d give it a go.

I reckon they think they’re being witty by doing what you asked them not to do - banter innit? Otherwise known as ‘this tells you I’ll never respect you or your boundaries’

So dull.

Wouldn’t that be great. However it would be full of men who think ‘ nice tits love’ is great communication 🤣

I started talking to someone on the apps who made me excited for the very first time since splitting with ex-H over 2 years ago. I honestly grew so cynical I thought I couldn't get invested into anyone and was broadly looking at an interesting companion with benefits situation more than anything, and only for the times when I don't have the children. I very rarely fancy someone and find them interesting at the same time like @Chocolatefreak 🖐

He was about to delete Bumble when we matched and I wrote. Also even 2 weeks ago I wouldn't have matched with him because my criteria changed with more experience on the apps.

Anyway, he was deleting partly because he knew he'd be working and travelling a lot in the next 10 days and also it wasn't going well for him either...He is a bit far away now too and currently (since splitting with gf) doesn't have a car because lives in a city and can walk or take public transport to work.

Basically there are some potential complications, I think he financially(or possibly even emotionally!) isn't completely untangled from his ex-gf, distance, out of his several pictures I fancied him in two but in others didn't fancy at all, so I wonder which one is really him?
But we have so many things in common and I can talk about stuff with him which before I could only talk to my oldest best friend (lives on the other side of the world now). So it's just impossible not to get pulled in.

But I am absolutely terrified of what @SamW98 you were saying, that it might false intimacy building up. And that we talk too much (only been 3 days and one phone call) before we even meet, and then meet and there's no chemistry(on my side more likely than his) and it would be all puff! and gone.
But it's just impossible because my second marriage was abusive and I was very sex-deprived, so technically it's not two+ years of no proper connection with a man(apart from my male friend but that's a friend obviously and it's long distance) but more like approaching 20. It's just impossible to not lose my head a little bit. Though I try not to write too much and share about myself as and when, he doesn't even know my kids' ages or gender, for instance...

He says he'd find a way to meet in spite of travelling and crazy schedule but I myself am unavailable next weekend and every weekday he works, so I don't get how it's gonna happen.
Just trying to brace myself already that if it all doesn't work out it's meant to be a lesson/experience from which I learn and would allow me to make better choices and decisions for the future.

I also have a question about sex, I am lost in how to approach it. My first husband and I had a completely similar libido, and because he was literally my first I thought all men were roughly the same.
However my second husband who was also my second ever partner just found frequent sex boring, his preference was about once every three weeks. And also he could only do it once 😐
Anyway, it didn't get revealed properly until we were already properly living together and I felt trapped. Initially he appeared to be very interested in sex, did it much more frequently (though couldn't go more than once in 24 hours from the start, even in his mid-20s)
Anyway, I am now slightly terrified of a repeat, but how do I find out before I sleep with them and how do I approach it...it's not like I could say, by the way, do you really enjoy sex 😂and would like to do it often?

Maybe any men lurking on the thread could answer that!!😁

But also there is of course a matter of crappy sex being worse than no sex at all, and men don't know when they aren't good at it, do they? And most men would say they want it and are up for it like my ex appeared...just because he could clearly see it was important to me and temporarily upped his game...

Though I don't think it'd apply to this guy I am talking to, the only element that worries me that he is at times so geeky it almost turns his identity from a man to a "nerd" and I feel that I have to pull him towards some normal human conversation (though I enjoy the nerdy convo very much!)

I guess there is no way at all to find out much about sex without actually committing to sex with someone 😔though probably making out could give some clues beforehand!

I want to share my experience with dating apps. I used to post under a different username but now I've met someone off the apps, and everything is going well after 12 months.
I asked her out within the hour.
Here are a few observations I have made while using dating apps. I've noticed that there is a difference in the amount of investment people put in at the beginning. Instead of expecting endless messaging or sending complex messages, it's best to match and go on a date as soon as possible. If you don't, other matches might take over, or life might get in the way.
Keep messages short, sweet and go out.
Once you've gone on a date, it's important to arrange another one if things go well. However, it's crucial to be realistic and not force things if the date doesn't feel right. In that case, it's best to move on and find someone else.

Even after that for me personally endless chats via social media just become a joyless task. Enjoy your day or how was your day or how busy are you? Nooooo.
Even now 12 months in I don't want endless pinging on my phone.

As for the sex, brutally honest, if one or the other doesn't come back, it generally means the sex wasn't great for them.

@RadiantRainbow I think if you have the sense that you click with someone when you meet face-to-face, and there's a spark when you kiss, and the kiss is good - then it bodes well. Saying this because sometimes I've initiated a kiss on dates, because I want to see if that kiss holds promise, as it were. If it hasn't done anything for me, or they've given me a wet sloppy kiss, or otherwise done something to put me off physically, then I would be very reluctant to have a second date. If we have a good conversation and it's a good kiss and even better, if they initiate AND it's a good kiss, then all the better! Immediate turn off is them sticking their tongue down my throat immediately. Also don't like being groped.

@Beenhereonsunday Good to hear things have gone well for you and I agree with the misplaced investment. However, some chat can go a long way to establish some all important life circumstances and values first, and help you feel safe with someone before you meet them - important for women. Also, when you've met but it's difficult to meet again - like my Mr Bohemian travelling for the last two weeks and then I'm busy for all of next week - our interesting and flirty chat has kept the interest alive. It's a gamble - but one of those things.

Had date yesterday.. disaster. He was homophobic...a little aggressive...toxic masculinity guy...ugh. I've been on many dates lately and nothing..so im off OLD for a bit...just going to live my life

@Chocolatefreak When are you meeting Mr. Bohemian again? It sounds like you two could have something interesting together.

I agree that you can increase your communication after the first date. However, I don't think it's a good idea to constantly message before the first date. My approach is to introduce myself briefly and then meet in person. Even if there isn't a spark, I've met some interesting people. I found that low expectations gave a better balance emotionally towards the other person.

I can't talk all day or sometimes even in the evenings. Scheduling can be tricky, especially if you have a routine or children. Or in your case work with travel or an intense time consuming role.

Checking in, I had a date with a nice man on Friday but there was no spark. Talking to two men mostly- one I'm interested in but he doesn't know I have kids yet so we'll see how that goes. The other has just told me he is very recently separated and living in the family home still. So that's going nowhere. God it's all quite depressing isn't it? All the other chats just dry up half way through

i have been lurking but first post

I am new to all this but @RadiantRainbow i also have the same concerns, but have decided we will never know if we don’t try. We just need to remain kind to ourselves and accept we may not find mr perfect straight away.

Hi all, just checking in!
Sorry to hear a few are having a rubbish time :( we need some success stories in here don't we!
I have had two great chats this week, great two way convo, not once asked me what I'm goin/how May Day is going and the chat has just flowed! Problem is, I'm not attracted really to either of them...
One I actually haven't messaged back. It didn't occur to me I didn't message him yesterday and had a busy day today. I think I'm just going to bow out of that chat. We don't have a lot in common
The other person seems more on my wave length but there's no excitement. Do I continue and see where it goes or do I just end now?

Hey I had a positive first date this weekend! I wasn’t keen to go the weather was crap and I fancied staying at home. I’d had two dates recently that didn’t look like their pictures and there was no connection. Plus I was a bit disappointed from the start. I took a break from the apps for a few weeks but decided I’d go back on but not be to invested. Look in the real world too.
So date was with Mr handsome, looks better in real life and really lovely. Conversation flowed so easily. I didn’t even stop to think about how I felt tbh. We have called and chatted since and planning another date in the week. 🤞🏼A positive story for those that needed it.

Hi can I join in here please? Recently started OLD after my marriage ended last year. Its definitely been a bumpy ride so far!

I’ve been chatting last couple of days to a really nice guy. I’ll call him Mr J for now until I of a better name.
Seems genuinely nice and so far so good. The only thing worrying me at mo is his dad passed away 2 weeks ago so maybe he’s not in right headspace at mo.