Dating thread 245

[SamW98]

Continued from 244….

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I don't get men who have blurry pics of them skydiving, climbing, skiiing. I can't even see their faces clearly.

On the other hand, if I ever spotted a profile of a man hoovering, changing bedding, cutting the grass, I would be all "Hey King 😘 What are you doing this weekend?"

Has anyone actually chatted with these unicorns? Please report back. I want to live vicariously through you 🙏

cassiatwenty The nice looking one doing the hoovering the other day, straight under the hoover photo it said

Education : Yes I have an education
Job : Yes I have a job

Then under 'About me' he'd written : Ask.

To me, that says 'Twat'

@NervesOfCotton Oh no, that to me says 'twat', too. One of those "Ask Me" profiles. Bless him, at least he got hoovering right

cassiatwenty Yeah he was grinning at the camera too, so he probably took the hoover from his mum, asked her to take a pic, then handed the hoover back to her to actually use, & sat down with his feet up. (Sorry, I'm anti-men today, I've had a huge argument with my ex)

I hate the 'Ask me' ones because they usually have nothing to say in my experience. They are the ones who, if you ask 'What sort of things do you enjoy?' Will say 'The usual', or 'So what do you do in your spare time?' 'Normal stuff'.

@NervesOfCotton Oh no! Don't apologise. Arguments with an ex are a special kind of hellish experience. I'm sorry you had to endure that.

Yeah, I don't like that. You don't need to be a genius to hold a conversation, it's just takes a little bit of interest and effort.

Found an absolute king - his profile says ‘no mingers or salad dodgers. If you’ve been single more than 6 months your the problem so stop blaming men’

Sheets no tester day I might have proposed to this peach 🤣🤣

@2anddone from bitter experience with my ex husband who did this whilst we dated and then came back on the scene, walk away whilst you can. I’d block him and delete so you aren’t tempted to try and reach out again and it stops him from messing you about again. It’s happened to me this week too. I hadn’t met this one but had spent two hours wasted on phone calls. Sorry, it’s crap…

Bloody predictive text - last paragraph supposed to say

Shame it’s not yesterday*

@2anddone oh I'm so sorry. Did you reply to this? Would you be ok with just soaking it back for a couple weeks and seeing what happens?

I guess I'm early dating we don't really know what that person has going on in their life and it sounds like he's trying to be really honest with you :(

Sending you lots of love ❤️

My OLD has gone very quiet again. Ive matched with a few people I'm really attracted to, but they never message me back 😣 I just want to be really excited about talking to someone!

I had my date today with the keen guy. I didn't fancy him but he seemed nice. I always feel bad when there's no spark especially if they insist on paying (which he did). In better news, the guy I really liked has finally messaged me back on Hinge, and I've joined Bumble and matched with a few very suitable seeming men. The dating pool on Bumble seems enormous - I had nearly more than 75 likes pretty much immediately whereas even at the beginning on Hinge I only got around 10 per day! Same geographic location.

My fav guy on Bumble is an hour's drive away which feels like it's probably too far - where do you all draw the line?

@blacksocks33 That's exactly the issue I was having with Hinge and I found it demoralising, which is why I've just swapped to Bumble. It's miserable to watch all your matches drop to the inactive list!

Ahhhh just wrote a long post and it's vanished.

@2anddone I'm so sorry, I'd be really upset by that. I get that maybe he is being honest but you spent 4 hours on the phone to him last night! I'd be very confused by that I think. I guess at best he has very ambivalent feelings about getting emotionally involved for whatever reason.

I sent two messages on Bumble this morning and nothing back for either which is the first time that has happened. I've always had some kind of response on Bumble although my expectations on Match are even lower.

Makes me inclined to make less effort with the original message but then that is what is disappointing about so many of messages received particularly on Match so it's hard to know.

Re distance I go back and forth with this one. One of the ones I messaged this morning was an hour away in a different City. So not ideal but depending on how I'm feeling and how terrible the local competition is I find myself thinking maybe it's doable and it might have some advantages particularly if they live in a nice place or near to somewhere lovely/ different to me.

@SamW98 'no mingers or salad dodgers' its unbelievable that someone would think this is going to lead to success for themselves. The mind boggles - again.

I’ve said previously I’ve never had a match on Hinge in 6 months. Not one. And only about 10 likes in that whole time whereas others I’m getting 100’s of likes. And I’m only just outside the M25 so not exactly a small pond - I’m just not the Hinge demographic I don’t think

@2anddone sorry to hear that, he definitely seems to be playing hot and cold. I'd probably block and remove , especially if this isn't the first time he's done this.

Yes I think I would block and delete as well. It's not ok.

@2anddone

Sorry to hear that. I agree with the others, delete and block. Don’t let yourself be his back up plan or his support system.

And my advice would be don’t get so invested so early. Long phone calls and daily messages chats create a false intimacy before it’s real and almost inevitably lead to disappointment.

Thank you cassiatwenty. Yes, you'd think that they'd put in a little effort if they actually want to meet somebody, but they just don't, do they!

SamW98 He'd love me, single 7 years now!

Blimey, someone on Bumble ended our chat because I didn't reply within an hour. Are people really that demanding?!

friendswiththemonstera Absolutely! It's worse for me on the free site, because it 'shows' when you are online. I've spoken to men before who, within a few seconds of me logging in, will send messages like

Hi
How are you?
Not talking today?
I can see that you are online
Hello?
Must be chatting to someone else
Nice that you ignore me
I hope he's nicer than me
I know you are there
Hello?
Fine. Typical woman

All in the space of 2 minutes!

This seems to be it - that I was online and didn't reply to him straight away. How exhausting and needy! I had asked him precisely one question, does he think he is the only person I'm speaking to?!

Oh my, maybe I'm just not used to Bumble. Someone else just ended the chat because I asked how has your week been or something. This is brutal! On Hinge at least you get a gentle ghosting 😂

Whenever I see those I always think “fuck you! 😂😂😂

Must be the work for it! 😅

Hope it doesn’t spoil your weekend x

Agree with this

@2anddone sorry to hear. Very similar happened to me - yes, after loads of 5 hr phone calls and great dates. I would def not be hanging around! He might come back briefly, but will likely disappear again.

I agree with this.

@2anddone if I were you I'd step away, and not let this man use you as a back up plan/option in the background. Sorry it's turned out that way, it's a horrible feeling when that happens xXx